- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
This is a pretty personal topic for me to ask of you to share… but one that is arising time and time again as the wedding approaches for me. I wonder if any of you have been in a similar situation and can offer advice, peace of mind, or share your stories with me, so I know there are others who can relate.
I’m the youngest and only girl in my family. I moved away from home upon grad from uni to start my career.. I was doing really well in a tough industry and at the time I had had a rough relationship with my controlling mother, but from a distance I had learned to handle it and how to put distance between us. My father was then diagnosed with a long term, eventually fatal illness, so I chose to move back to my hometown to help care for him. I took a lower paying job, where I could still work in my field, but knew it wouldn’t be a permanent solution, but would pay the bills while caring for my Dad. Fast forward a few years, and my Dad passed away. I watched my family crumble, my mom then humbled, and we tried to rebuild our relationship and dysfunctional dynamic as best we could. I went through grief counselling and co-dependency counselling for a year, but my mom refused to do the same for herself (she doesn’t believe in therapy, etc.).
So, two years have passed since Dad’s passed, and I’m getting married in a few months(my parents both love/ loved him very much). I am growing increasingly unhappy with my job, but our options here at ‘home’ are limited. We’ve both always dreamed of living around the world, experiencing new places, and we originally chose our careers so that we could live that way. Now the reality sets in; my mom is widowed, alone, just lost the love of her life, and pretty co-dependent. I’m getting married to the love of my life, just starting out, my whole life ahead of me. I feel guilty! It’s difficult to get her out of the house, to talk to other people, to encourage her to build her own life. It feels silly, but it’s difficult to shake the feeling of ‘feeling responsible, guilty’.. I know I’m not responsible for her happiness, I know I want/ need to start my own liife (I’m not getting younger!) and I don’t want to harbour resentment if I look back years from now and see that my life has passed me by and I’ve not experienced what I have already put off for so long…
Thank you for reading this. I wonder if any of you deal with these issues, the daughter/mother syndrome which seems to get emphasized with marriage.. I can’t wait to start this new chapter in my life, I just have so many mixed emotions that mom is on the opposite side of the looking glass, watching me, so to speak, all that and I miss my Dad terribly, too.
Thanks Bees. I appreciate any encouragement and gentle words:)