Post # 1
So I need some advice…I invited this couple to my wedding and they are lifelong family friends. I only see them about twice a year for short visits, but we try to keep in touch. Their 16 yr old son is my Godson. Now, whenever we meet up at their place, he never comes out of his room to even see me. He is glued to his computer. I haven’t seen him personally in two years. As such, it completely slip my mind to invite him to the wedding. I know now that I should have, and I admit that I made that mistake.
So anyways, I have a message on my phone when I get home from work today. It is from her telling me that the 16 yr old would really love to come to my wedding (which I don’t buy…I think they want him to) and asking if it would be okay. I was going to call her back and tell her that that is completely fine, however there is a second part to the message. She states that he would also like to bring his girlfriend who he has been dating for 6 months (who I have never met) and whatever I could do to make it possible for her to come would be great. She said she would be willing to pay for her plate even. So if there is anything at all I could do in my power, that would be great. She then says they already booked their hotel room.
I feel that I am being put in a really awkward position. Do I just say yes the girlfriend could come? Or do I say no and have to justify myself. I don’t really want her coming, just not sure if its easier just go along with it. I think it was a really ballsy request!
Post # 3
Maybe they don’t want to leave him at home to get into trouble with her but they could only convince him to come if she could come along. Is there a reason why you don’t want the girlfriend there? If they’ll pay for her plate I don’t see how it could matter. They’ll just sneak off together anyways haha
Post # 4
I am normally in the same thinking as you that I wouldn’t let extra guests normally come…..but since he is your godson I think I would let him bring his gf. Are you paying per plate?
Post # 5
@futuremrsv: I actually think it was ballsy for your friends to invite both their son and his girlfriend to your wedding. The entire conversation is awkward.
I think that asking how much your per plate question is SUPER weird as well (although I’ve learned on the ‘Bee that this happens all the time). Why they would would ask you how much you are paying for your guests to enjoy themselves is beyond me.
I think that you have a couple options. First of all, you can say that unfortunately your guest list is maxed out and you a) can’t invite the son or b) can’t invite the girlfriend and you are sorry about the confusion. If you’re not having other “kids” there this might be easier for them to swallow. The other option is to say that they can come and be super gracious and not accept money for their plate (I think that would be really awkward for you…just my opinion).
These are difficult conversations to have, but seriously; I don’t think that you made a mistake or did anything wrong.
Post # 6
That is so rude on your friend’s side. It’s not ok to invite 2 extra people and then try to throw in a little guilt trip that they already booked the hotel.
I would be tempted to go back to her and say sorry, you can accomodate just 1 extra person at this time but if additonal space opens up, you’ll let her know.
The way I’m reading the situation, is the parents let the boy get away with bad manners (not coming out to say hi to you in their home) and they want him at your wedding but want him to have his own fun too so they are pushing for the gf to get invited.
Sorry, but 16 year olds do not need “signficiant others” at weddings. That’s just my opinion.
Post # 7
@Moja Milosc: I have never met her and they are 16 and have only been dating for 6 months. What is to say in 2 months they will still be together? Also, I feel that if I let her come it sets precedence for other cousins that age who were not invited with a date. If you say yes to one, you say yes to them all (although there are not many of them).
@AirForceFiance: Yes we are paying per plate. Over $100 a plate.
@ArwenBride: That is where I am stuck. It is so awkward! I don’t want to hurt any feelings and I hate confrontation which is why I think I should just let her come. I can’t believe they would put me in this position. I have no problem inviting their son, it is her. I guess it is not her so much that I don’t want to come, but I just can’t wrap my head around what they are thinking!I was once dating my boyfriend for 4 years and he never got invited to the wedding with me. I would have never thought in a million years to even call the bride and groom and ask if he could come?!?!?
Post # 8
@futuremrsv: That’s…pretty rude. The fact that she already booked a hotel room for them implies to me that she assumes you’ll just say yes. (And really, who the hell gives a 16 year old boy and his girlfriend access to a hotel room? Even if they’re in the same room as the ‘rents, that seems young.)
How big is your wedding though? If it’s on the smaller side, I’d say it’s definitely inappropriate. Also, the point you brought up about not allowing other cousins to have date is something you can lean on. I can see having their son come, but NOT his girlfriend. They’re 16. They can spend one weekend apart and I think they’ll be just fine.
Tell his parents seating is tight, and that you can squeeze your godson in, but his girlfriend unfortunately cannot be accomodated. I bet you that if you hold your ground on that, he won’t end up coming anyway.
Post # 9
If it that’s much NO WAY on both of them going! That is too much money for someone to go inviting someone else to YOUR wedding. NO NO NO! I was thinking it might be like a more casual event but since your is so expensive no way!
Post # 10
@futuremrsv: How many of the other cousins are you godmother to? You can make an exception for your godson. I don’t think you have to let the others bring a date just because you let him bring one…
Post # 11
I think its rude, and she knew you would have a problem, so she mentioned she already got a hotel room for them.
On a side note, is her son AND his Girlfriend staying in the same hotel room? When I was 16 that would NOT have been okay.
Post # 12
@futuremrsv: It’s a crappy situation. Boo on rude folks!
Honestly, I’d tell them that the numbers are capped OR (if you’re feeling really nice) that right now you’re at capacity for your venue, but you can let them know about the Girlfriend closer to your wedding once your final numbers/RSVPs come in. To be honest, I would tell them no. lol But I’m like that.
I agree that this is vaguely passive agressive on their parts, but the truth is that people are getting more and more rude and it probably never even crossed your friends’ mind that they were doing something unacceptable and stressful. People come up with guest lists for all kinds of reasons (money, space, family, etc) and others shouldn’t question it at all. It’s difficult enough for couples to figure this stuff out.
Post # 13
my instinct is to say absolutely not to the girlfriend. the kid is 16, he can live without her for one night.
invite your godson sure, but not the girlfriend. if he were an adult it would be different.
it was rude of your friend to even ask that.
Post # 14
I agree that its rude to ask for the godson’s Girlfriend to come. However I also like to avoid confrontation. I would just tell your friend that her son can come, and the Girlfriend can come if there are enough no-shows (like a B-list guest).
But bizzare about the hotel room for them!
Post # 15
Post # 16
@PinkPinstripes: I love you!!! You say it better than I can!!!
So I got another message on my phone today from her that said “I haven’t heard back from you yet, and I was hoping that you would call me back today because I would like to send my RSVP in”.
Okkk the RSVP date is not until OCTOBER 1ST!!!!!!
Anyways, I got the nerve up to call her back and I told her that her son was welcome and I also apologized for not giving him an invite, and said that I didn’t think he would want to come as I haven’t seen him in a couple of years as he doesn’t even come out to say hi. I told her at this time I could not accommodate the sons gf. She responded by saying “not even if I pay for her plate?”. I told her no, as there were other friends of mine that I would like to invite, but that I can’t due to numbers. She went on for a bit about it, and said she didn’t think it should be a problem because it was only +1. I told her it was actually +2 and I was making an exception for her son. I do feel better now, my heart isn’t racing anymore!