(Closed) Wierd request for girlfriend to come to wedding…

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Maybe they don’t want to leave him at home to get into trouble with her but they could only convince him to come if she could come along. Is there a reason why you don’t want the girlfriend there? If they’ll pay for her plate I don’t see how it could matter. They’ll just sneak off together anyways haha

Post # 4
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I am normally in the same thinking as you that I wouldn’t let extra guests normally come…..but since he is your godson I think I would let him bring his gf. Are you paying per plate? 

Post # 5
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@futuremrsv:  I actually think it was ballsy for your friends to invite both their son and his girlfriend to your wedding.  The entire conversation is awkward.

I think that asking how much your per plate question is SUPER weird as well (although I’ve learned on the ‘Bee that this happens all the time).  Why they would would ask you how much you are paying for your guests to enjoy themselves is beyond me.

I think that you have a couple options.  First of all, you can say that unfortunately your guest list is maxed out and you a) can’t invite the son or b) can’t invite the girlfriend and you are sorry about the confusion.  If you’re not having other “kids” there this might be easier for them to swallow.  The other option is to say that they can come and be super gracious and not accept money for their plate (I think that would be really awkward for you…just my opinion).

These are difficult conversations to have, but seriously; I don’t think that you made a mistake or did anything wrong.

Post # 6
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

That is so rude on your friend’s side. It’s not ok to invite 2 extra people and then try to throw in a little guilt trip that they already booked the hotel.

I would be tempted to go back to her and say sorry, you can accomodate just 1 extra person at this time but if additonal space opens up, you’ll let her know.

The way I’m reading the situation, is the parents let the boy get away with bad manners (not coming out to say hi to you in their home) and they want him at your wedding but want him to have his own fun too so they are pushing for the gf to get invited.

Sorry, but 16 year olds do not need “signficiant others” at weddings. That’s just my opinion.

Post # 8
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@futuremrsv: That’s…pretty rude. The fact that she already booked a hotel room for them implies to me that she assumes you’ll just say yes. (And really, who the hell gives a 16 year old boy and his girlfriend access to a hotel room? Even if they’re in the same room as the ‘rents, that seems young.)

How big is your wedding though? If it’s on the smaller side, I’d say it’s definitely inappropriate. Also, the point you brought up about not allowing other cousins to have date is something you can lean on. I can see having their son come, but NOT his girlfriend. They’re 16. They can spend one weekend apart and I think they’ll be just fine.

Tell his parents seating is tight, and that you can squeeze your godson in, but his girlfriend unfortunately cannot be accomodated. I bet you that if you hold your ground on that, he won’t end up coming anyway.

Post # 9
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If it that’s much NO WAY on both of them going! That is too much money for someone to go inviting someone else to YOUR wedding. NO NO NO! I was thinking it might be like a more casual event but since your is so expensive no way!

Post # 10
Member
4419 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@futuremrsv:  How many of the other cousins are you godmother to?  You can make an exception for your godson. I don’t think you have to let the others bring a date just because you let him bring one…  

Post # 11
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think its rude, and she knew you would have a problem, so she mentioned she already got a hotel room for them.

On a side note, is her son AND his Girlfriend staying in the same hotel room? When I was 16 that would NOT have been okay.

Post # 12
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@futuremrsv:  It’s a crappy situation.  Boo on rude folks!

Honestly, I’d tell them that the numbers are capped OR (if you’re feeling really nice) that right now you’re at capacity for your venue, but you can let them know about the Girlfriend closer to your wedding once your final numbers/RSVPs come in.  To be honest, I would tell them no.  lol  But I’m like that.

I agree that this is vaguely passive agressive on their parts, but the truth is that people are getting more and more rude and it probably never even crossed your friends’ mind that they were doing something unacceptable and stressful.  People come up with guest lists for all kinds of reasons (money, space, family, etc) and others shouldn’t question it at all.  It’s difficult enough for couples to figure this stuff out.

Post # 13
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee

my instinct is to say absolutely not to the girlfriend. the kid is 16, he can live without her for one night.

invite your godson sure, but not the girlfriend. if he were an adult it would be different.

it was rude of your friend to even ask that.

Post # 14
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I agree that its rude to ask for the godson’s Girlfriend to come.  However I also like to avoid confrontation.  I would just tell your friend that her son can come, and the Girlfriend can come if there are enough no-shows (like a B-list guest). 

But bizzare about the hotel room for them!

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