Wife ignores me sometimes in public. It's very irritating and embarrassing.

posted 1 week ago in November 2018
Post # 2
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

What do you mean you think she “spills the beans about your private life?” What other issues do you have going on that you think she’s telling her coworkers about?

Post # 3
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

My FH does this at parties, and he doesn’t mean anything by it – he’s just really bad at introductions.  He just sort of trusts me to be able to handle myself in all kinds of social situations and doesn’t feel the need to be by me all the time.  If you’re not someone who’s comfortable introducing yourself and making conversation with strangers without someone else there to “grease the wheels” as I call it, I could see why this would be challenging.  Maybe just mention to her that you’d appreciate if she could introduce you to someone you might enjoy talking with next time?

Post # 4
Member
6133 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

castroju85 :  I’m kind of confused as to what your wife actually did… Did she just go over to chat with her boss? Was she simply mingling? Or was she actively ignoring you on purpose? 

Also confused what this means: “I think she spills the beans about our private life.”

Post # 5
Member
1579 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

castroju85 :  Yeah, what else is going on that’s she’s talking to other people about?

If you’ve tried talking to her about these issues and she ignores you I think that’s a bigger red flag then her leaving you alone to socialize at parties (that’s not that uncommon). 

Post # 8
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

castroju85 :  Ok…so everything you just said has nothing to do with her “ignoring you” at parties.  It sounds like you have some other major issues you need to speak about with her or perhaps suggest counseling.  But I would recommend not misdirecting your frustration at a different situation.

 

ETA: People who say they “know their partner too well” often know much less than they assume.  If she is acting poorly toward you, it’s likely she may be very hurt by something and she’s not able to figure out how to react properly.

Post # 9
Member
1579 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

castroju85 :  Ok so obviously the party is not the problem, she’s told you she’s given up on your marriage and is only staying because of your son… you guys need to seek counseling and figure out how to make it work or get a divorce (or stay in an unhappy marriage with sounds terrible).

Post # 10
Member
2082 posts
Buzzing bee

hickoryhills :  Agreed. 

The issue here isn’t your wife ignoring you at parties, OP. The issue is that she has checked out of your relationship, doesn’t seem to respect you, and tells you you’re a terrible husband and that she’s only staying with you for the kids. Yikes.

Frankly I don’t know why you’d want to stay with someone who feels that way about you, but if you want to try to salvage this relationship you need to ask her whether she is willing to give the relationship another shot, and if so get into couples counseling asap. You both need to be willing to make some changes – perhaps major ones – if this relationship is to survive.

It’s impossible to know based on the limited context you’ve provided whether her feelings are justified and she’s simply reached her breaking point, or whether there’s something else going on. 

Post # 11
Member
6133 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

castroju85 :  Well it seems like ignoring you at parties is the least of your problems. She calls you a terrible husband? If it weren’t for the kids she’d leave you? How long has this been going on? 

Post # 12
Member
640 posts
Busy bee

 

Don’t accompany her to parties. Period. Try as much as possible not to accompany her to public places. Doesn’t mean that you cannot go out shopping by yourself. Heck, take your kids with you! But you don’t have to doevery single thing ‘as a family’ all the time.

She seems not to like you so I am sure she can come up with 101 excuses as to why she showed up alone and of your whereabouts.

While away from the public eye, try to do couple’s counseling, otherwise your kids will be hurt even more than you are.

Also maybe time for self-reflection through a close friend? Or therapy just for yourself? This is just to confirm (or deny) your feelings about you doing everything right but it’s still not working.

 

Post # 15
Member
4104 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

castroju85 :  OP, her behaviour is incorrect but I don’t think yours was exemplary either. She left you to your own devices at her work function and we can’t assume it was on purpose. She may have just been socialising with her people and you didn’t specify the length of time either. You obviously showed some emotion of sorts to the situation, so much so that other people who don’t know you well were able to read your mood. You then just upped and left. That really doesn’t look good for your wife especially in a work setting and that for some reason doesn’t sit well with me. You basically got pissy and left. 

This all seems very one sided and posed to make your wife look bad without really taking ownership of your part in this. For example you wrote this ⬇️

She nitpiks about small stuff lately.  She gets mad whenever she ask me to wash the dishes.  I cook sometimes.  She doesn’t pay rent or utilities.  Everything is covered on my side. 

Now it might be true that she nitpicks and asks you to do the dishes but your response is dismissive and almost like well I pay for rent and utilities so it means I don’t really have to contribute to household chores like washing dishes or cooking dinner. She now works full time too and you’ve got three kids and household things and raising children don’t get done by a magical elf. It doesn’t sound by your own words that you help out much with household domestic tasks and feel that a monetary contribution waivers you from contributing towards doing domestic tasks even though you are both working full time. I’m sure she doesn’t spend her salary on purses and I’m sure what she earns gets contributed towards family costs and savings so whether you pay rent and utilities doesn’t give you the right to absolve yourself of contributing towards household chores abd expecting her to do the majority of it especially as you are both working full time jobs. 

She probably feels very contemptuous towards you and I am by no means absolving her of her behaviour towards you and her telling you she’s only staying with you because of the kids because that is not what you say to someone you love but I sense she has a lot of frustration. You both have a part to play in this and I think it’s important that you both accept that if you want to make this work because you do have kids and if for anything you should want your children to live in a happy and loving home and model to them what a healthy respectful relationship should look like whether that is together or apart for the both of you. 

If you want this to work you need to accept your part and ditch the attitude you’ve shown on here regarding I pay for utilises and rent so it absolves me of any responsibility towards doing dishes etc. You also need to agree to attend counselling together because I think you are both in a place where you cannot see past the hurt and frustration without professional guidance. 

I’d also like to say that I have a brother in law who is for all intents is an absolute asshat in my eyes. I’m very polite to him as are my other siblings and siblings in law but he probably picks up the vibes that we all think he is an asshat. He’s the type to blame my sister for poisoning our minds towards him but ironically my sister has never said anything and if she did it would just confirm our already formed opinion of him. I’m sure your wife is venting to her friends but her friends are probably able to see things in a better unbiased unemotive perspective and what she tells them may just confirm their already formed opinion of you from their actual interactions with you. People aren’t silly and they probably get vibes from you or see things in your interactions that just confirm what is being said by your wife. For example my other sister will sometimes vent to me about her husband and relationship but her husband is a decent guy and he shows this to me in every interaction so what my sister says is just taken in the spirit of it being a vent and she doesn’t mean anything by it and I don’t read into it as anything more than her just venting or asking for unbiased advice from someone who knows her well enough to tell her straight if she’s getting too into her head and reading too much into things. My point is that people are generally good at judging someone’s character from interactions. Her friends probably don’t like you because of what they’ve seen in their interactions with you and anything your wife said probably just confirms their thoughts. I’d seriously think about that one and maybe reassess if some truth exists in what I’m saying… 

 

 

 

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