Post # 31
I like that OP is ignoring everyone’s responses except the ones that make his wife look bad. OP, you seem to be very bitter and I think that’s likely a large part of your problem. You complain that your wife talks to people behind your back about your private life, but you’re on here complaining about how she “doesn’t take care of herself.” For this situation to have any remote chance of getting resolved, you need to look at your own terrible attitude. If I was married to someone who was so mopey and passive, I’d probably get resentful too. Neither of you are helping your marriage, but I’m not convinced she’s the one who started the issue.
Post # 32
castroju85 : what does him being taller and having more income have to do with ANYTHING? You sound very insecure and, frankly, bitter af. Have you ever asked your wife why she’s checked out of the marriage? Did she decide to go back to work full time because she was sick of being your domestic servant? With the financial comments, it sounds like you may have controlled her with money, and she got fed up with it and went back to work so she no longer has to depend on you financially.
these are just small things I’m picking up on solely based on your attitude here…
Post # 33
hickoryhills : You’re probably right about the passive part, but at the same time being too agressive can be a turn off to women. I once had a brother-in-law which my cousin adored him. Guess what.. he got another girl pregnant. He is a cop. He was on the bravado macho side. Women like @ssholes until they get hurt.
Post # 34
Oh boy we got a nice guy tm on our hands
Post # 35
happiekrappie : haha. I was asked a question about the boss’s appearance. Please relax. In fact I don’t even control the money. I spend most of mine on her and kids. She saves all of hers and I’m cool with that.
Post # 36
castroju85 : If all you ever think about is the extremes of things and “well other people are bad too,” then you’re going to lead a very disappointing life, not to mention futher ruin your marriage. If I’m “probably right,” then it might be beneficial for you to think about that point further. You’re deflecting a LOT rather than facing to the truths of things. No one here is saying you’re 100% to blame, but YOU are the only thing in your control. So I would recommend that you fix YOURSELF before you go around complaining about others, including your wife.
ETA: And frankly, passive men are way more of a turnoff than guys with machismo to a lot of women. Guys with machismo are annoying more often than not. Passive guys are damaging more often than not.
Post # 37
Please relax. In fact I don’t even control the money. I spend most of mine on her and kids. She saves all of hers and I’m cool with that.
Well I don’t think that is entirely true because you said this in previous post –
She gets mad whenever she ask me to wash the dishes. I cook sometimes. She doesn’t pay rent or utilities. Everything is covered on my side.
People usually don’t bring up a point like that in a conversation if it’s something they are truly cool about because the thought wouldn’t even cross their mind if it was a genuine non issue. You brought it up to paint yourself favourably and to paint your wife as a grubber. You also brought it up to justify the fact that she shouldn’t expect you to do house work because you contribute all the dough to rent and utilities. You also mentioned cooking dinner like you deserved a medal when in fact for normal people cooking a meal for all your family is a given and expected and not a parade and marching band worthy act.
Sorry dude but you don’t sound like you really want advice. You sound like the type who just wants confirmation you are right and want us to agree with you that your wife is the mean unloving dragon. Your attitude doesn’t match with the skills required to having a long term successful and loving relationship.
Do you want to be with her and improve your marriage or do you just want to bitch and host a pity party? It sounds like the latter is your aim here and unfortunately we can’t help you with that.
Also before you start to think that we are angry women with miserable lives with bones to pick with men, I’ll stop you in your tracks and correct you and tell you we are not that way at all on here. Please reflect on what we are saying if you genuinely want a happy long term relationship. If you don’t then continue doing the same stuff you are doing now…
Post # 38
It sounds to me like she went back to work full time and you expected everything at home to stay the same. You want a pat on the back for “cooking sometimes” and meanwhile your wife is working double shifts, one at work and one at home. It sounds like your dismissive attitude toward domestic duties has soured any love she had for you. I bet she couldn’t give a fig that you go to the gym regularly but would really appreciate you helping out at home and with the kids.
Post # 39
castroju85 : “please relax”? lmao sir, this is *your* life, not mine…I have no stake in your happiness and don’t particularly care whether your marriage falls apart or not. I was simply providing you with some perspective on how you seem from the outside looking in—which is fragile & bitter with a bruised ego. You came here for advice and I provided. No need to get snippy.
ETA: might I recommend Reddit be the venue for your pity party?
Post # 40
You do not seem receptive to real suggestions from real people that might help you to improve your life and your marriage–and you sound like a real peach. If you are serious about having a better marriage find a therapist and work on how you can be a better partner. At the very least you will sleep well knowing you’ve done all you can. If you’re not–keep doing what you’re doing and when your son is older and your wife has saved enough money she’ll pull the trigger.
Post # 41
Ugh I’m so sick of the jumping to cheating conclusions anytime someone comes on here with relationship issues. Yea anyone can be cheating at anytime but that doesn’t mean every relationship problem is about cheating.
Post # 42
Wow you guys are REALLY laying into this poor guy, wth? He comes on here for help, like a LOT of women do… & all you guys can do is blame him & be rude & dismissive?? That’s some hypocritical feministy bs if ive ever seen it! Not cool at all
I feel like if a woman was posting this exact thread, “Husband ignores me at parties and scoots closer to his female boss”… half of you would be concluding that he was cheating & pumping her up with confidence, support & good vibes to confront him about it.
castroju85 : for the record id like to clarify, i was wanting to know who out of the two of YOU in your relationship, you or your WIFE, is more attractive. You mentioned you take care of yourself and she does not, so I was just curious as to how you two compared. I couldnt care less about the boss’ looks lol. Sorry if my original questions post was unclear (:
Post # 43
awholenewbee2019 : Have you actually read all of his posts? The tone changed as he provided additional information not just about his relationship but about him.
Post # 44
castroju85 : “You’re probably right about the passive part, but at the same time being too agressive can be a turn off to women. I once had a brother-in-law which my cousin adored him. Guess what.. he got another girl pregnant. He is a cop. He was on the bravado macho side. Women like @ssholes until they get hurt.”
Yep, total nice guy. This is so disgusting and such a sexist attitude. If this is indicative of your general attitude about women (which from other comments you’ve made, I’d assume so) and I was your wife, I’d be frosty, too.
Have you ever heard about the second shift? Basically, women do an average of 20 extra hours of work a week with household chores like cooking and cleaning. This is on top of the 40 hours we already work. If your wife has to put in 60 hours of work while you go to the gym and you feel like you should get a gold star because you cook sometimes, well….that’s a problem. I’d do a hard look at your life and consider what it looks like. Would you want to switch places with your wife? If not, why?
Post # 45
awholenewbee2019 : “feministy bs”? *gag*. Also, no one was dismissive about OP’s concerns initially. If you read between the lines of his post, he very clearly has some generalized, toxic views towards women as a whole. This likely plays a huge role in his wife’s dissatisfaction with him. Add to the fact that he’s been making jabs at her this whole time in order to boost his own image (“I pay all the bills”, “I take care of myself but she doesn’t”, “she nit picks”) I GUARANTEE he’s no knight in shining armor that’s merely being mistreated by the frigid old witch he wants us to believe is his wife.
Lastly, people have given him advice but he doesn’t want to use it. He came here to bitch about his wife and get people to justify his contempt for her. He wants people to justify his insecurity and prove that his wife is in the wrong…but as you can see, no one is doing that (except maybe you for some reason), and his true negative views about women have shone through in his desperation to prove himself right.
But you also don’t see it because you clearly think we’re all angry feminists who just hate all men and couldn’t wait to pounce on the first “poor guy” looking for advice. Context is everything, bee. Use it.