(Closed) Wifely Duties

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee

I still do most of the house work. But only because he asked me to, and didn’t demand I do so.

Post # 19
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee

Oh, hell no. We both work so we can both clean. He didn’t hire a maid. He married his wife. If he wants a maid then he shouldn’t have proposed and should have hired a maid instead. He’s a grown ass adult and my lack of a penis doesn’t dictate that I’m now obligated to tend to all facets of our home singlehandedly.

Post # 20
Hostess
11161 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
@julies1949:  Agreed.

If both of you are working then you need to share the household chores. “Wifely” duties apply when the wife (or husband) is staying home as that is their career…a homemaker. To assume that the wife is going to take care of the home all on her own despite working 40+ hours a week is ridiculous.

Post # 21
Member
6691 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
@claireos:  +1 We literally hired a maid, lol.

Post # 22
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

DH works about 55-60 hours a week, and I work 40 so I do all of the cooking, cleaning, shopping. He has never once asked me to, I just enjoy cooking when I get home from work and he works on his feet all day, so I know he appreciates it.

He does all of the “outside” things, like mowing the lawn, working on the cars, stuff like that.

ETA: he also scopes the cat boxes, I never have to do that…which I really appreciate because it makes me gag lol

Post # 23
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Fiance works full-time in a physically demanding job. I work part-time and go to school full-time. We split things pretty evenly. He works 8-5 while my hours vary. I try to do the dishes when he’s at work, which I’m glad to do because he does most of the cooking. Despite living together for 3 years, we still do our laundry individually. I think Fiance prefers it that way (his work clothes can get GROSS and I think he’s embarrassed by them). We usually save the heavier cleaning for Sundays, the only day that we’re both off. We pretty much take turns doing everything else. Equality FTW! I couldn’t be with anyone that insisted that I fall into the traditional domestic female role.

Post # 24
Member
6109 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

We are so compatible with the house chores, we don’t even have to have a talk about it!  We each work 40 hour/week jobs, his is more demanding.

  • I do most of the cooking, he does the dishes/cleans up after the cooking.

  • We share grocery shopping, although I like to shop and use coupons (I feel badly about asking him to haul coupons to the store).

  • He does all the mowing, garage cleaning.  We both pull weeds.

  • We both vaccum and clean the bathroom.

  • I wash most of the clothes, he helps me fold

  • We both take care of/play with the dog.

 

His mama taught him well.  I see him doing the same duties his own dad does. 

Post # 25
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

We are long distance, waiting on visas at the moment, but when we both lived in the same country it was fairly even (we technically didn’t live together, but I was at his about 5 days a week).

 

I refuse to use the term “help” for any housework he does. He is an adult, and it’s his place too. Him doing housework is not altruistically “helping” me do my duties as a woman, it’s taking responsibility for his own environment, as an adult should. Thats not saying that different work schedules etc don’t come into play, more that it is ultimately our responsibility, not mine.

Post # 26
Member
7767 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am not domestic!  I clean when I have to… DH does something if I ask.  Ideally I think it should be a 50/50 split.

Post # 27
Member
628 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

View original reply
@busybride215:  I have lived with men with the same ideas 🙁 Not an easy role to fill, especially if you add children to the mix…then you become supermom and never have time to care for yourself.

This might be something to sit down and talk seriously with him about before marriage. In the case that he agrees to take on some of the ‘chores’, I might suggest clarifying these ‘formally’ in some way ie. he has the garbage, the lawn, the dishes once per day, the beds on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Just an idea.

Post # 28
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@busybride215:  I say have that down out fight. Its not going to fix itself, he is not going to start cleaning one day. Unless you set the terms now they will never change.

You tell him that as long as you both work and both live in the same place together, you both are responsible for its maintenance and cleanliness. If he wants he can choose which chores are his, but he really needs to be sharing the responsibility. 

And you would rather not rock the boat and continue cleaning everything (not good in my opinion) then he has to do something in return. He can be in charge of all car repairs, all future outdoor maintenance, all present shopping,  alll diaper changing in the future etc. 

 

Post # 29
Member
6109 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

“My fiance expects me to do all cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc.”

 

What are his reasons for expecting you to do all of this when you both work?

Because you have ovaries?

What happens when you share your thoughts, or have you yet?

Post # 30
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am a Stay-At-Home Mom, so I do most of the cooking. laundry, cleaning, whatever.  DH helps me a lot because I’m pregnant, but really, he works outside the home, and I work inside.

That being said, in your situation, i would expect you to share duties!  DH works 60h a week (at least) and he still washes all of the baby dishes every morning so I can sleep an extra 15 minutes.  He collects the trash every week.  He serves dinner every night. If he can do that stuff, when I have NO outside job, your Fiance can do a lot more than the nothing he is doing now.

Post # 31
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

LOL I am a Stay-At-Home Mom with both kids in school all day and Fiance STILL helps with housework AND works 60 hr weeks. I do most of the cooking, all the dusting/straightening, most of the laundry & ironing. He does all the floors,some of the dishes, takes out trash, empties mousetraps, does the yardwork.
He does anything I put on his honeydo list and some things off of my list so that I have more time to do things I love like quilting/baking.

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