(Closed) Wifely Duties

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 62
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My husband works full time, and I work part time and go to grad school. I have a lot more free time, so I try to do more cooking and cleaning, but he helps a lot too either doing things on his own (fixing things, he does all the car work, cooking and cleaning) or by helping me (chopping the vegetables when I’m cooking).

Post # 63
358 posts
Helper bee

I think equality is very important to remain happy, for us we divide it up by what were both best at which makes it easier. For me I’m better at cleaning so I take care of that, we both cook depending on who gets home first or when we can we like to cook together and my boyfriend is in charge of fixing things, maintaining the cars and when we have a house yardwork which I’m not good at at all.

Post # 64
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

We both work full time jobs and both like a clean apartment.  Lol. we usually split the chores.  Sometimes I do more, sometimes he does more.  But after we start having kids I’m hoping I can stay home a few years until the kids are in school and maybe then just work part time or something.  I would love to stay home and cook everynight and do most of the cooking.  Not because he’s demanding it,  but because that’s what I would like to do 🙂

Post # 65
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@busybride215:  My DH helps with taking out trash, making the bed and sometimes putting dishes in the dishwasher. I do the laundry, cook and do some other cleaning (vacuum, sweep, mirrors)

Post # 66
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2005

I have a job as well so hubby and I clean what we can when we can.  If two people are working 40+ hours it’s hard to find the time to do much so it’s pretty random when we find the ability to do so….the baby adds to the chaos that is our house.  We both agree that we do 50/50 but if there ever came a time where I could be a SAH mommy then I would do most of the housework.

Post # 67
5117 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@farawayviolet: Amen to that. If one of us is home more than the other, then yes, we pick up the slack in what’s not getting done. But we’re not helping or doing a favor, it’s part of the responsibilty of living in a house where both partners work fairly equally outside the home. 

When I was studying for the bar + working, I literally woke up to breakfast he cooked, put on clothes he washed for me, came home to lunch he made, and studied outside until it was time for dinner (he made), and then studied until bed. Rinse and repeat. He wasn’t working during that time, so he was all for it and had all day free. He truly appreciated when I’d stop my schedule to do dishes after a meal or put laundry on the line, because he knew that he was the one with the free time to do those things while I literally had no unscheduled minute in my day.

Now, when he’s busy or gone for a stetch of time, I do all the house work with no complaints and cook the meals so we can eat together right when he gets home at 9pm. Like some PPs said, if he wants a 50s housewife, then he should be shouldering the responsibilities of a 50s husband. 

Post # 68
2693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

Now that DH is in med school and I’m working from home (for the time being), I have assumed nearly all of the ‘wifely’ duties.  That’s not to say that he wouldn’t help–if he has some time he’ll wash dishes and many mornings I can hear him cleaning out the dishwasher while he waits for his espresso to finish.  He’ll volunteer to vaccum but I usually turn him down (I feel as though I do a more thorough job).  I’ve always done the laundry and cooked…but that’s because I LOVE to cook.  Before we moved for him to start med school, he would help fold the clothes and put them away/hang them up.  Now, I pretty much do everything, but I’m fine with it because a) I do like the feeling of “taking care of him/the house” for the time being, and b) I’m working from home so…hey, why not do it.  I try not to make excuses for him but the truth is, he is busy almost 100% of the time with studying.  School is no joke, I wish he wasn’t so busy 🙁

Post # 69
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1993

I do all the house work, which is not much. We have a 2 bedroom apartment with no children, just a cat and a dog. I don’t mind doing it all. My Fiance never asks or expects me to do chores. I just do them. Whenever I don’t feel like doing a certain thing he does it. BUT if we had a 14 month old like you guys do, I’d definitely have him do more things. A 14 month old is a hand full so your Fiance needs to stop being an ass and help you! In your situation you should DEMAND he help you. Don’t stop until you get what you want.

Post # 70
10449 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

We split cooking pretty evenly but I have to do most of the cleaning. He will try, but his cleaning does not meet my standards!

Post # 71
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We share all responsibilities. I work less but go to school as well. So we have a cleaning day where we all pitch in. During the week we clean up after our own messes. I tend to cook more but he does like to BBQ on the weekends.

Post # 72
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

our chores are pretty evenly spread out with the understanding that when someone has a day off, they do more housework.

we are planning to slowly cut down on my work hours next year (after enrollment for his health insurance opens and we switch me over to his) and when i stop working as much, i will begin to take charge of the household.

Post # 73
467 posts
Helper bee

Not cool.  I work part time (20hrs a week) and go to school full time.  The SO works around 40 hours a week, but during his busy season that increases to around 70.  Generally we split the house work evenly.  During my final exams, he probably does about 90% of it, and during his busy season I do about 90% (although his busy season lasts longer than my final exams.)  We tag team the situation.  Whoever has time does the housework.

Actually, when we are both about the same amount of busy, he probably does about 60% of the housework.  He doesn’t think I clean well enough and has the annoying habit of re-vacuming, dusting, etc. after I am done.

You seriousy should have a talk with your boy.  Its not fair that you should be stuck with all the housework.  He has two hands too.  

Post # 74
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

We share, but we just have a tiny 1br condo (500 sq ft). We’re lucky that we are both messy though haha, so it doesn’t bother either of us if something isn’t perfect. Shopping we do together, though we both enjoy it and wouldn’t consider it a chore. He tends to wash laundry while I fold it, but he takes better care than I do–takes bras out before the dryer, etc., while I tend to have a bit of you ‘fend for yourself’ attitude to whatever I wear and wash, oops!

I LOVE to cook, so I do that more, but he will send me to Starbucks when he vaccums (our ancient vaccum makes my allergies TERRIBLE). He tends to do the ‘hard’ cleaning like scrubbing the toilet, while I’m more likely to do a bit of a tidy. The only thing he is 100% in charge of is his ferret cage. 

My mom lives on a 2 acre farm about half an hour from us, and while we both help out quite a bit, he does more heavy lifting and helps out when she needs something built, so I guess that is his outside chore time since we don’t own our own yard space at the moment.

Overall, I’m a lucky girl and I’d actually have to say he does more around the house. I think it is partly how we grew up though, and what we are used to seeing in terms of chores and cleaning–his mom was a Stay-At-Home Mom and ran a pretty tight ship. My mom was a single mom working and building a writing career, and our lives were a bit more, erm, hectic.

We never talked it out officially, though, but so far it works for us 🙂

Post # 75
718 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My Fiance and I share.  We both work full-time outside the home and additonally he’s a triathlete that trains like crazy.  In general I do the cleaning, meal planning, grocery shopping.  He does the garbage, dirty dishes, vaccuming (I have a severe dust-mite allergy) and packing up left-overs. Things we share: cooking (whoever gets home first starts. I’ve already planned everything out so it’s easy peasy), putting dishes away, dusting (depending how my allergies are), laundry, and general picking up. 

This is all changeable depending on various things.  Sometimes he shops but I’ll make the grocery list or whatever.  He would NEVER assume that because I’m female I’d do everything.


Post # 76
977 posts
Busy bee

We split the work 50/50 but it seems like he does more.  SO does the laundry, cooks and cleans up dinner. But I’m usually helping my kids with homework and baths after dinner time.  Cleaning up th rest of the house on weekends while he’s doing laundry.

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