(Closed) Wiglet’s first wedding meltdown: haaalp! (Invitation related and way too long)

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

First of all, deep breaths!  Still breathing?  Good…

I’m also getting married in July.  I haven’t sent out my save the dates yet either…  My test runs keep getting sent to people’s spam email box… so even if I sent them, no one would see them.  Not every advice book says 8 months early. Plenty say 6 months. 8 months is just one rule of thumb.

How’s the breathing going?

Secondly, your friends may or may not be able to make it to all the weddings.  If they truly are choosing based on save the dates, then there is already nothing you can do about it.  If they aren’t, then you have nothing to worry about… so either way there is no reason to freak.

Thirdly, you’ve probably talked to many of your friends about the date of your wedding already, so that kind of pre-empts the need for save the dates.  They won’t refuse to book you solely based on a postcard.  Lots of people have already written it down and planned on it in their minds

Doing better yet? I sure hope so!

It’s going to be ok.  You’re going to look back on this a laugh about it.

Would it make you feel better if I told you that I’m thinking about completely re-doing my save the dates (which means they won’t be out until well into January?)  

Take a bath, have some tea, and take a little break from the wedding stuff.


Post # 5
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Since it’s just a save the date and not an RSVP your friends probably haven’t given any definite answer to the other brides as to whether or not they will be attending their weddings so I think as long as the other brides didn’t mail theirs out that long ago and you get your out fairly soon you’ll probably be ok. And as doctrgirl said they probably already know when you’re getting married (or at least that you’re getting married around that same time) and haven’t forgotten that. Personally I would mail them out as soon as I could just to feel better about the situation, but that’s just me.

As far as the cost goes $750 does seem like a lot, at least to me, for save the dates, but then again I’m doing my own STD’s and invites. Did you talk to your planner about this? She might be able to tell you if she thinks it’s within your budget or not. If you’re really concerned about getting them out soon you could always go with the ones your designer has already designed and then see if you can cut back on the actual invites somewhere to help bring costs down. I don’t know if the $1500 is just because they’re specially designed or if there’s a lot of assembly, but I know originally I really liked the look of pocket fold invites, but the pocketfolds are expensive when combined with all those extra pages you include for accomidations and such. We decided to just make a wedding website that had all the same information and include the URL on the save the dates and maybe our invites to cut costs. Of course this only works if most of your guests have access to a computer but it might be something worth considering if you haven’t already.

Post # 6
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Bless your heart! Would you kill me for saying that reading this made me smile? Only because I can totally relate to it! ๐Ÿ™‚

 Here’s the thing, is $750 too much to spend on STD’s? Is $1500 too much to spend on inivitations? It depends on what your own personal threshhold is. For me? Yeah, it’s too much. Budget aside, I couldn’t spend that much on something people are gonna throw away. I went to vistaprints.com and used a coupon to order postcard save the dates. They will allow you to upload your own design (I built a simple one that included our engagement picture and was modeled after a STD I found online). The quality was phenonmenal and the results perfect. The best part? For 250 I paid like $25.00 with shipping. Crazy! It was even better that postcard stamps are half the price of regular ones.

 Tacky? I don’t personally think so. I had complete creative control over what they looked like, I didn’t have to pay for envelopes, and everyone has told me how fantastic they look.

 Anyway, I’m making my own invitations with paper ordered from bluedotpapershop.com and papersource and helped along with my gocco. I think my invitations will come in for under $1.50 each and will look better than anything I could find in a book. I’m fussy like that though- I don’t want something that anyone else has.

To make a long story short, your designer wants to make money. That is their first and primary objective. Figure out what you want and how much work you want to put into it. Then relax. Weddings aren’t supposed to be competitions and there isn’t a race when it comes to invitations. Get them out when you’re ready, people will come or not based on where they want and where they can afford to be.

 You’re gonna be fine, really. Just remember to breathe. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 7
12 posts

I am having a destination wedding and I sent my Save-The-Date Cards out only six months in advance.  That’s when I got around to it, and I tried not to stress about it!  I got custom made hand-drawn maps of our wedding destination from a calligrapher for our Save-The-Date Cards and they ended up costing nearly as much as yours, they were worth every penny!  They must be special Save-The-Date Cards if you decided to spend that much on them, and it’s too late to worry about that now!  If you need to cut back later, maybe you can do DIY invites like some of the previous posters.  But send out  your Save-The-Date Cards whenever you feel like it, whenever it will give you the most peace of mind!  And if that means now, Christmas is two weeks away–and people are still checking their mail!

Post # 8
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Hi Wiglet!!!

I think you must have calmed down by now.. but in case you need some more perspective…

We are getting married in June. And we haven’t sent out our save-the-dates. 

This part won’t make you feel to good- spending that much on invites is a no go for me. Our budget is 15K- and my matron of honor and I are making our invites together. My fiance just finished designing our save-the-dates too. 

But that is us. Everyone has their own threshold for how much they are willing to spend on certain things.

Most of my closest friends know when our wedding is. So it didn’t matter if we sent them the save-the-dates or not. But the STD’s are mostly for those who we don’t see on a daily basis and who really need to have the heads up far in advance. So I agree with the other entries above when they say, those who can make will make it. So long as you are a good sport about not pressuring those who can’t make it due to the other weddings, I wouldn’t sweat it. I think this is a good opportunity to enjoy the planning with your other friends, and to have a catch up session with those who couldn’t go to your wedding.

=o) Feel better after reading all the posts?

Post # 9
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I say skip the Save the Dates (if you haven’t already paid for them) and send out your invites early. This way your friends will get your invite (and RSVP card) first. Save the dates are not mandatory and if you can use what you were going to spend on them for invites all the better. I think 1500 is too much but I guess it depends on how many you are geting, how they are made and how important they are to you.

Post # 11
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Hi Wiglet!  I got married last June, and didn’t get the Save-The-Date Cards out until January.  I planned to get them out earlier, but all the address collecting stuff and figuring out the design of the STD took longer than I thought! We ordered them online, and paid maybe $200 for 100 of them?  I don’t remember.  Even with a rather wedding budget, I just didn’t want to spend that much on Save-The-Date Cards.  But if you love your STD and think it is worth it, go for it! Just don’t feel obligated solely because they are already designed, because lots of unforseen expenses will come up, and you might want to use that cash for other things……

Post # 12
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

I also agree that based on your budget, $750 for STD’s and $1500 sounds like a lot!!! Our budget was $22000 and most of that went towards the reception, but we did magnet STD’s from VistaPrint (about $1 each) and 125 invitations from invitationconsultants.com for about $350. 

You can DEFINITELY save a lot of money in the arena if you want to.  

However, if you had your heart set on custom designed invites that are given to you already assembled, that can add a lot of additional cost.  You just need to decide what is important to you. 

And as far as getting your STD’s goes, do whatever you feel is right! Like others have said, your friends aren’t basing their decision on when they received their STD and they likely already know about your wedding through conversation anyway!

Best of luck. 

Post # 13
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I have not read everyone’s responses (a lot to read) but I had an idea if you are worried about getting sending them out later then…now…what if you send a Christmas card to all your guests including the Save the Date in it (if it is feasible I dont’ know what they look like)

I hope you are feeling better and don’t get too stressed your day will rock!!

Post # 14
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Okay – first of all – your friends will not necessarily choose another wedding over yours just because they got the STD first. It’s not like getting in line for the Black Friday sales – getting your STD out their first doesn’t mean you get all the guests.  The STD doesn’t obligate them to choose anything.  They will think about all their choices, and will choose the wedding they would rather attend, if they can’t go to more than one.  If there is travel involved, most of them probably won’t do anything about making a firm decision until after the holidays anyway – or even until they see what their tax return looks like.  

Second – how much you spend is totally up to you.  Our total budget was about $18,000.  We spent about $1200 on invitations, and $120 on Save-The-Date Cards.  You can absolutely get your Save-The-Date Cards cheaper if you think you should, and they will still be nice.  Check out some of the websites that are advertised and discussed on these boards.   Ours came from Wedding Paper Divas, and they were quite nice.  Not as nice as our invitations, obviously, but they aren’t the invitation, are they?

We got married in July also, and we sent out our STD in February.  The guidance on when to send them varies – I’ve never heard that it needs to be 9 months in advance.  The main point is to give your guests enough notice to reserve a hotel room or make plane reservations if they have to travel.  So for most areas of the country 5 – 6 months should be plenty of notice.  The main reason we sent Save-The-Date Cards at all was because July is prime vacation time, and we wanted people to know the date before they made their vacation plans.

Here’s what I think – if you think $750 is too much, you should get some less expensive Save-The-Date Cards.  I think your wedding planner is wrong about not sending them out over the holidays – most people look through their mail more eagerly this time of year, because they are expecting cards!  But if you want to wait until after Christmas, just put a nice little note in with your Christmas cards for your friends who you think need to know early, telling them the date, and that you hope they can be there, so you wanted to let them know early.

If you don’t have their addresses for some reason just call them.  Email is easy to ignore, but I can’t imagine if you’re actually on the phone with them that they would refuse to give you their address.  If they do, or if you leave messages and they simply won’t call you back, I would say that you can safely cross them off the guest list – because they’re quite rude, and can’t possibly think of you as one of their close friends, whatever you think about them.

Post # 15
773 posts
Busy bee

My wedding is in May and our Save the Dates just went out this week!


 Also, on cost- those prices sound standard for stationery.  When we were looking for stationery for about 200 people, we were quoted pretty similar prices.  Our wedding budget is $30k and I couldn’t stomach it- after all, it is paper that people are going to throw away.  We used LetterImpress (from Target!) and printed them on my mom’s inkjet printer.  I was surprised- we’ve actually gotten a lot of compliments on them.  Save the dates and the entire invitation suite and thank you cards cost me a total of about $300.  So I would definitely recommend finding alternatives to traditional wedding stationery.  Probably no one will even notice that you didn’t splurge on the expensive stuff.

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