(Closed) will be invited to a wedding, but did not invite them to ours?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
12103 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

i wouldn’t worry about it.


Post # 4
8176 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i’ve been to a few weddings where those people did not make my guest list.

it happens, sometimes choices have to be made.

your wedding is small, it is understandable.


Post # 5
1467 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@skschick:  It is totally normal to be invited to someone’s wedding who you didn’t invite or vice versa! We all have different situations- different budgets that allow for different numbers of guests, different sizes of families that affect how many friends we can invite, etc. I’m sure she will understand. Honestly I think it would be more weird if you invited her now, she would probably know it was out of guilt. I wouldn’t worry about it. 

Post # 6
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Kind of the same thing happened to me…I do community theatre and have some really close friendships with some people, and some are friends but really don’t have anything in common besides the show that we’re in together. When I was doing my invites I was torn because I was in a show with 2 other girls that ran for a looooonnng time…we worked together for over a year on this show and got really close.  But once the show closed, we kind of lost touch.  I decided not to invite them (although I really wanted to) because we were trying to keep it small.  One of the girls is getting married this summer (YAY!) and has invited my husband and I.  I feel horrifically awful!!  I talked to the other girl about how I’m feeling, and she just laughed and told me not to worry about it, everyone understands weddings are expensive and you can’t always invite EVERYONE you want to.  So that being said, try not to worry, give her your address, and hope she understands.

Post # 7
11239 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I wouldn’t worry about it. We did not invite many people whose weddings to which FI has been invited (and in)–we kept our guest list relatively small (~100 including wedding party) and 75 of those people are family members. Those who were not invited were given little to no information about the wedding (well, the people we DID invite know little about the wedding, too). 

FI learned that lesson after we attended a wedding last fall, and a couple he knows asked about the wedding, and he asked me, in front of them (and a group of people who ARE invited), if we invited them. Sigh.

Post # 8
14027 posts
Honey Beekeeper

@nawella:  I agree with all of this.

I wouldn’t worry about it. She’s inviting you to her wedding because she wants you to be there and because her budget/guest list allows for it. I’d just be gracious about the whole thing and try not to feel guilty.

Post # 9
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

These things happen, I wouldn’t worry about it. Space and budget are two things that are definitely not infinite (unless you’re loaded, I suppose lol) and rational, non-hysterical people get that.

Our venue is quite cosy, and our guest list is at a firm 90, including FH and I. 88 guests, that’s it. There are a few family members and friends who did not make the list, and either they will understand (lovely) or they will flip out (entertaining). My cousin, J, is getting married the month before us. We are supposedly invited (invitations haven’t been sent out yet) but she and her husband aren’t being invited to ours. Simply put, she and I are not that close, and with limited space, we really wanted to have the people there who are in our lives actively, not just due to DNA. It’s not that I don’t love her, but choices have to be made.

Really, anyone who’s ever organized/hosted/paid for any sort of party understands that you can only have so many people.

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