(Closed) Will family members get over it if they're not invited?

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: Will family members get over not being invited?

    Sure! They're adults and they'll understand.

    Eventually, but it may take some time.


    Other (please explain)

  • Post # 17
    3771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 1999

    View original reply
    @ChicFoodist  Then no, I wouldn’t risk inviting them just to save the peace, lol

    Post # 18
    970 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

    My Fiance family had a huge blowout about not being invited to a wedding and there was horrible etiquette on both sides. A lot of awful things were said and they haven’t spoken for about 4 years. Us invited them to our wedding will be the first contact. 

    Post # 19
    2777 posts
    Sugar bee

    @ChicFoodist  if they’re mature, they won’t be offended. If you’re paying for the wedding, you can invite whoever you want. If your mom wants the whole gang there, she can pay.

    Post # 20
    1663 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    My brother is going through something very similar.  They are having a small wedding (50 people max), they are inviting aunts and uncles from my moms side of the family, but nobody from my dad’s, including our grandma.  My dad’s side is a PITA and all they do is critisize my mom, dad, brother, and myself.  A lot of them are pissed and refused to come to my baby shower a few weeks ago.

    Personally, I think if somebody doesn’t get over the fact that they aren’t invited, do you really want that type of person in your life? If they are going to get their panties in a wad, let them. You’re an adult and paying for the wedding yourself, so you get to call the shots on who is and isn’t invited.

    Post # 21
    4766 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Um if you see these relatives on a regular basis, and have no problems with them, I’d invite them.  I think they would be insulted and really depends on each person how much they will hold it against you.  But IMO, if you spend holidays with them you should invite them.

    Post # 22
    107 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    View original reply
    @Fall_In_Love22 “Personally, I think if somebody doesn’t get over the fact that they aren’t invited, do you really want that type of person in your life? If they are going to get their panties in a wad, let them. You’re an adult and paying for the wedding yourself, so you get to call the shots on who is and isn’t invited.” <—- THIS.

    Post # 23
    965 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    weddings and funerals bring out bizarre behavior.  I am 45 years old and my Fiance are paying for our wedding.  My mom’s friend called “butt early” this morning asking why she  wasnt invited.  I havent seen this lady in years and it s not like I ever talked to her.  I think she is upset because her good friend did receive an invite.. but the good friend didn’t get an invite because of my mother, she got an invite because I have a close relationship with her grandaughter as a mentor…  People are weird.. Anyhoo, my mother told her we had a limit on the people we could invite and that since WE were paying for it, she wasn’t going to tell us who we should or shouldnt invite.


    My Fiance has a cousin who is upset he didnt get invited.  My Fiance made the decision not to invite ANY of his couisns except 1 and the only she got one is because she lives with her mother.

    quite frankly I AM NEVER offended if I don’t get an invite because I know, STUFF COST MONEY…. no offense taken. 


    Post # 24
    277 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    I sure hope they can get over it becaise there are serveral of my family members that are not going to be invited due to space, budget etc. 

    Post # 25
    1686 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I wish your poll had a ‘who gives a shit?’ option. If you want a small wedding, have one. If they can’t act like adults, that’s on them, not you.

    Post # 26
    1675 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    It should be good as long as you make the same line for everyone. If you’re not going to invite your mom’s cousins, don’t invite any of them. Don’t make exceptions. 

    But seriously, mom’s cousins are far enough removed that they shouldn’t  be annoyed. 

    Post # 27
    965 posts
    Busy bee

    If I were you I would just invite parents, siblings, grandparents, neices, nephews, aunts, uncles, first cousins and their spouces and children. 

    Post # 28
    2432 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    We didn’t invite DH’s second counins on his dad’s side. That would have added 30+ children, and we wanted our reception to have a formal feel. With those kids plus the 10 or so we invited that we’re actually close to (nieces and nephews), it would have been an absolute zoo! Most of his cousins pitched a fit, and several still won’t speak to us 4 years later. We’re over it. It isn’t like he had a close relationship with them growing up anyway.

    Post # 29
    1722 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    I’ve been married for about 7 months. A month ago, I went to a relative’s baby shower. My MOTHER’S first cousin once removed was there (keep in mind this woman would then be my first cousin twice removed – rather distant). I see once every several years. We were sitting together at this baby shower and she asked me, “Oh, I hear you got married recently?”

    I started talking about how yes, it had been 6 months, and this bitch blurts out, “WASN’T INVITED.”

    Nope, you most certainly weren’t. I barely know you, we very rarely see each other, good-bye. I made a point of immediately getting up and moving to another table.

    My opinion is – who cares if they don’t get over it? They’re the ones who will look childish and petty over not being invited to a wedding.

    Post # 30
    166 posts
    Blushing bee

    You don’t HAVE to invite anyone!  Unless your overbearing mom is fronting the bill, then she should shut the hell up!  If you are paying, then tell her to kick in the per plate amount for these extras.

    I had 210 ppl at my reception.  Only 4 no-shows.  NOBODY wanted to miss this event.  So, they all came, with those 4 excepted.  How many even lived to the next month?  Some my husband and I never saw before in my life (and never did again!).

    HOLD FIRM.  It is your wedding. 

    Post # 31
    1063 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    i would just not be awkward and snubbish to them when you do see them. if it’s an obvious fact that you had/are having a wedding and they aren’t invited, i would try saying something gracious to the fact that it was a small affair with a budget, and that you wish you could have invited everyone.

    it’s your wedding, you get to have it how you want. i think it’s fine to not invite them.

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