(Closed) Will he? Dont want to ruin the holiday or his surprise…

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

First off, stop worrying about what other people think. This is between you and your boyfriend.

Instead of hinting around or making joking comments specifically about marriage in passing, you need to sit your boyfriend down and have a calm conversation about what he sees for you over the next five years. Make your questions open ended, and make it safe for him to tell you the truth, no matter how disappointed you may be in what he says (or doesn’t say). Then based on what he says, you can decide what to do next. If you don’t feel comfortable having this (or pretty much any other) conversation with him, you probably shouldn’t be marrying him. 

I know you’re struggling because you’re 32 and you want to have kids by 34, but keep in mind you and your boyfriend have spent only 18 months living in the same place, and before that it sounds like you had only spent about 6 weeks actually together. That’s not a huge amount of time for many people. I don’t think he has duped you or that he’s leading you on deliberately. But your conversation with him should hopefully clarify his thinking for you.

Post # 4
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

ask him directly for a timeline of when you will be engaged. That way you don’t necessarily hae to ruin any surprises he has planned. I’d start being way more direct and stop beating around the bush and being subtle about it. 

Post # 5
Member
4657 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@MrsWBS:  i agree that this would be the best way to go about it. asking for a timeline, not a specific date, but just to ensure that you are still on the same page.

would you go back to spain if he ends up saying he doesn’t want to get married for another, say, 5 years or so?

Post # 7
Member
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@l00neybyrd:  First of all, I’m sorry youre having a hard time.  This “waiting” business, as much as we tend to joke about it, has some very confusing and painful moments.

Second, I agree with other gals: you need to be direct with him. It’s not like you’re a 19 year old schoolgirl, you’re a 31 year old woman and have a right to know what the gameplan is. I know you’re afraid to ask him because you may not like what you hear, but the whole “ignorance is bliss” can really come back to bite you in the rear.

For the sake of your sanity, just ask him if there’s a particular reason it hasnt happened and what his plan is moving forward.

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