Will he ever propose ?!!!

posted 2 months ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

If you’re this anxious to be married, propose to him. If he says yes, you’re engaged! If he says no, he just wasn’t ready. 

Post # 3
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Since you are the perfect couple i’d say just talk to him about it.

Post # 4
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Farm

paula91 :  You’ve already waiting what sounds like at least a year for a proposal from a guy that sounds like he isn’t ready to get married and really doesn’t want to get married. He said weddings scare him why? A wedding only lasts one day but your marriage is what you will want to work and build upon a life together.  I would find out he reasons for not wanting to get married yet. Find out if he has a timeline of when he would like to get married but it just sounds like is stringing you along. Will you be happy if you are still waiting on a proposal and marriage 2 years from now. What if he tells you a year from now he doesn’t want to get married will you walk or will you stay? He’s trying to throw this all back on you that you a pressuring him. Someone that is ready to get married wouldn’t need this much convincing and it sounds like he hasn’t budged any.  Your wants and needs in reference to marriage is going in one ear and out the other.  I think you need to determine if this is really the relationship for you and if marriage isn’t an option will you be okay staying in this relationship without it. 

Post # 5
Member
825 posts
Busy bee

5 1/2 years is more than enough time to know if you want to marry someone. I would be really concerned that he gets defensive and accuses you of pressuring him when you bring up marriage. That’s not how a man who wants to get married reacts, and it’s also just really unfair to you.

I think it’s time for a serious conversation. Tell him exactly how you feel. Establish some sort of timeline for engagement and marriage. If he can’t even have this conversation with you, and won’t agree to some sort of timeline even if it’s just”yes we’ll get engaged within a year,” then I think you have your answer. At that point you just have to decide for yourself if you will be willing to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to get married.

Post # 7
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

It sounds like you need to have a larger conversation than just casually mentioning it.  He needs to figure out why he’s unsure about it.  It doesn’t have to be a fight, but it does need to be a “hey, this is really important to me.  Can we talk about the future?  What kind of timeline do you have in mind, or why don’t you want to get married?”

Post # 8
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

paula91 :  Here’s how I see it: if he doesn’t want to marry you, he would say “No.” It’s a question, either party has the option to duck out.

Post # 10
Member
612 posts
Busy bee

Do not propose to him. Set a timeline for yourself. I think he’s jerking your chain. He’s 30 and that is plenty old enough to get married to the woman of your dreams. You might have to move on at some point. You don’t want to be with a guy who proposed to you because he felt like he had to. You want someone who is excited to prooose to you!

Post # 11
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

He’s 30. He is not too young and you’ve been together long enough he should know. I think realistically it’s very unlikely that he will. It’s not impossible but you really need to establish the communication. “I’m feeling pressured” is the classic avoidance technique used by men who aren’t going to propose. Everything he’s said I’ve seen a hundred times said by guys who don’t want to comit. I recommend you call bull on them and have a seriouse discussion about where your relationship is headed. Not a chat, not a mention a “let’s sit down and have a talk about whether I’m wasting my time here or not.” This probably sounds harsh but 5.5 years is way too long a time for him to be pulling that mess. Have a written list of things that need to get resolved and don’t let him get off topic. If he flat out refuses to talk in concretes I’d take some time away or move out or something. It sounds like you’re not financially dependent on him or married so you are free to leave at any time.

Post # 13
Member
1282 posts
Bumble bee

caligirlinmichigan :  Spot-on. This is exactly what I would advise. “Propose to him” is stupid advice for someone with a boyfriend who won’t commit. Just stupid.

OP, you don’t want to wait around too long, you really don’t. So flat out tell him it’s very important to you to get married and you have no intention of waiting indefinitely while he decides if you’re the one. Don’t worry about “pressuring him”. He’s not a balloon that’s going to pop. Then give him some time to think about that, say 6 months. If he doesn’t propose by then, just walk away. The 6 month time period exists only in your head. He doesn’t get to know, and this way it’s not an ultimatum, it’s a promise to yourself. You don’t want to be one of those women who waste their youth waiting for a proposal that is never going to come. That’s just too sad for words.

Post # 14
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

It’s not like your only two options are to pressure him or not mention it at all. Great marriages are built upon open, honest, and direct communication. Your boyfriend is probably quite happy with the way your relationship is now. He didn’t want marriage originally, and he only claims to be open to it now. But you live together and live fully enmeshed lives. He may not see any benefit to marriage. You’re already his live in girlfriend, and he didn’t want marriage, so why propose?

So, you have to have a direct conversation where you let him know exactly how you feel and the reasons why he should propose. Something like this, “Boyfriend, I know I’ve only mentioned this vaguely in the past, but you should know that engagement and marriage in a timely manner are important to me. It would make me happy to formalize my commitment to you with marriage. Not only is marriage important to my happiness, it’s also something I’m not willing to go without or compromise on. Marriage is a relationship dealbreaker for me. We’ve been together over 5 years, and have lived together over 3 years. That’s long enough to know if you want to commit to someone. I need to know your timeline for marriage, or if you’re even serious about wanting marriage, so I can determine if this realtionship is the right fit for me. Waiting this long without you taking steps to make that legal commitment to me has me questioning our relationship. Please take a couple of days to consider what you want and let me know so I can decide if you can provide what I need to stay in this relationship.”

If you continue like you are, you’ll never get married.

Post # 15
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

misstomorris :  It’s not that cut and dry. A man could want to marry a woman, but would say no to a proposal from her if he wanted to propose himself. A lot of people are very traditional about that, and a lot of men want the experience of planning and executing a proposal. There’s a whole thread about why this is poor advice to Bees on the waiting thread. These Bees are posting because they want to be proposed to – them proposing doesn’t fulfill that want. Proposing to a guy only works if you know he’s open to that.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors