Will he ever propose ?!!!

posted 2 months ago in Engagement
Post # 31
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: March 2018

maybe there’s still something that he can’t figure out that makes him feel not ready yet. me and my Darling Husband spent a total of 9 years and 5 months together before he finally made it to propose and married

Post # 32
Member
9230 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

paula91 :  

Four to five years is a euphemism for when hell freezes over.

You have gained no ground, Bee, I am sorry to say.  Four or five years from now, all you’ll be is older.

Post # 33
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

I think that you’re going to have to have a talk with him and just lay it out on the table about what it is you want for you life and what you need from your relationship. I was in a very similar situation with my Fiance. He is 7 years older than me, we have been dating for about 3 years, living together for 2. When we moved in together I thought that we were going to get engaged instantly, much to my surprise it didn’t happen. I asked him if he was interested in getting married and he said that he wouldnt be with me because he knows that what I want. He still made me wait and wait. I finally had to have a very serious sit down talk with him and tell him I am not getting any younger, nothing is going to change you know me, I know you, you are who I want to spend the rest of my life with, now if you do not feel the same way I am sorry but I have to move on. 2 months later we were booking our venue. 

Communication is everything in a relationship. You should not feel like you are pressuring him because you are asking him if you guys are on the same page or not. I hope that everything works out for you and I wish you the absolute best!

Post # 34
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

paula91 :  that wouldn’t work for me.

So he may propose in a year to satisfy you and buy himself more time, a LONG engagement.

Maybe sooner to just so that if you leave, ” well, it’s her choice I had plans for us.”

Post # 35
Member
768 posts
Busy bee

That response is just him trying to put off getting married longer. 1 more year till engagement and who knows when till actual marriage. Even if he proposes, it doesn’t mean he wants to get married. It’s just buying himself more time to not get married (after all you can break an engagement with minimal to no consequences).

It shouldn’t be this hard. You shouldn’t need to convince someone to want to get married or to marry you. They should be excited to do so all by themselves.

27 is still young to start over. Don’t waste 3-5 of your best child bearing years to find out if he’ll actually marry you.

Post # 36
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

I was with my fiance for 7 years before he proposed. First, he wasn’t ready, and when he was, I wasn’t ready. We never pushed each other to get married. But the proposal was a big one. It felt like I was in a Hallmark movie. I proposed to him and 3 days later I found out that he prepared this huge proposal for a while before my proposal.

As some one who has been in your fiance’s situation, I think that when some one gives a time line to their signficant other, it’s a sign to leave the relationship because that person is more in love with the idea of marriage than to be with me. Also, saying that you love some so much but you are not willing to wait is contracting that you love them that much. Clearly, marriage is more important. It’s a turn off for me. I and my fiance always communicated openly about every thing. We are best friends.We enjoyed every bit of our years as a couple, and now we are enjoying our engagement period. If I left him because of the marriage topic, I definetely would have found another guy who would be willing to get married to me right away but that guy would have never understood me completley and made me happy. I would have just settled and resented it. I am happier with the decision of staying in a long relationship. Every relationship has it’s rhythm.

I guess what I am trying to advise you is that you have to do some soul searching and find out what your priorities are and whether you boyfriend and you are meant to be. The bees can give you advice based on their expereinces but you know your situation better. 

Post # 37
Member
268 posts
Helper bee

You wnat to get married, and he’s putting you off.  He continues to move the goalposts with vague excuses and times in the future.  That says he is comfortable with the way things are and he isn’t excited to marry you.  You want different things.

You were pretty young when you started dating…22.  I know I changed a lot during my 20’s.  Maybe you have, too, and you’ve outgrown him.  You are ready for the next chapter in your life, and he is only ready to stay on this page for a long time to come.

If you want a husband and family, find soomeone who wants that, too. He won’t come clean and tell you he doesn’t want to get married to you, because then you will leave, and he’ll lose the comfort he has now with you acting like his wife.  He’ll string you along as long as you allow.

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