- 2 months ago
It’s my first time posting this sort of stuff onto a public forum but I’d really appreciate any advice or thoughts you might have on this! Sorry that it’s a little long!
In a nutshell – I’m in my late twenties and my boyfriend is in his early thirties. We’ve been together for just under 3 years now and I love him to bits. From the very start I told him that I was not interested in simply dating for fun. As a Christian woman in my mid twenties (we started dating when I was 25), I wanted to date intentionally with marriage in mind.
Up until February of this year, he had never brought up marriage/engagement/the future. I felt I had to keep dropping hints and speaking about our future life together in the hopes that he would get a move on.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t until one night (when I cried out of frustration) that we had a long and serious talk about marriage. He said he forgets he’s not in his early twenties anymore and admitted that had I not brought all of this up, he probably would’ve been fine to propose 2-3+ years down the road. I understand that this timeline might be okay to some, but the idea of dating for 5-6+ years just does not work for me personally.
We ended up looking at rings shortly after so he knew what styles I liked etc., and I was honestly getting quite excited. During our serious talk, we also said we could work towards a wedding in early 2020 (which would’ve been around a year away at that point). However, that was 5 months ago. We’re now at the end of July and he still hasn’t proposed. I don’t even think he’s hiding a ring and waiting for the perfect moment either, because I’m pretty sure he hasn’t bought one (he mentioned that a friend was recently messaging him with ring buying advice). I also decided to go ahead and call our church to check their availability for around July 2020 (a year away from now) and was informed that they’re fully booked. They suggested I aim towards end of 2020 and beyond. I feel angry that he’s dragging his feet and our wedding will just continue to be pushed further and further down the road. I also feel stupid because I’m not exactly going to go ahead and book our church venue when I’m not even engaged yet.
I don’t want to be pushy because I already feel like the only reason we’ve talked about getting engaged/married is because I had my emotional episode and ended up initiating the conversation about starting the next chapter of our lives together etc. I’m just really disappointed and resentful. I worry that when he does eventually propose (whenever that will be…), I’ll feel pretty meh about it. Part of me feels so pathetic and embarrassed, and like I’ve somewhat ‘forced’ him into proposing, while so many women are legitimately surprised by proposals that were thoughtfully planned by their partners. I know some men need a little push, but do I really have to keep prodding? Do I just have to sit and wait and hope he’ll propose to me eventually? Is it wrong or unreasonable of me to want him to step up and take initiative?
What do you ladies think? Oh and btw there are no issues financially so it’s not like he’s having to save to buy a ring.