Will he ever propose? Feeling resentful and sad while waiting

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
2026 posts
Buzzing bee

Do not go to your Church until you are engaged. Do not put the cart before the horse and book a venue, hoping that that will get him feel the urgency to propose. 

That is a terrible idea.

Instead, I recommend you communicate first with him to find out if you two are even on the same page.

Because to me, it doesn’t sound like you are. He doesn’t seem that interested in marriage and he sounds really immature if he says he still feels like he’s in his early 20’s. And if he wouldn’t have ever thought about it until several years from now? Yeah no.

Don’t go booking venues until you actually know if he even wants to get married. 

Post # 17
Member
10985 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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sassy411 :  

Yipes.  Major typo.  What I meant to say was that I couldn’t believe that authenticity was *not* a part of OP’s belief system.

I am sorry, OP.  Read as it was written, my sentence could have sounded like a slam on your faith.  That was absolutely, positively not my intent.

 

 

Post # 18
Member
10985 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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neverbeenstungbee :  

Agree.

Trying to calf rope a guy using the church is major ick.

Discussing with him the realities of venue booking, otoh, is 100% adult.

Post # 19
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

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BuzzedBumblingBee :  I can’t figure out how to edit my original post, but I feel I should edit it for clarity! Do NOT book the venue before you established a timeline for marriage with your bf. Establish a timeline for marriage, then go backwards from there. I originally thought the middle of my post made that clear, but the first line is very misleading! 

This is my ACTUAL advice

1. Discuss when you and bf see yourselves married. Married, not proposed to. (Ex, summer of 2020? Fall 2021? Specific month? Etc)

2. See if he actually wants to get married at your church. If yes, book the church/venue regardless of whether you have a ring/he’s done a formal proposal. Then take your time to worry about the ring and the formalities that go with it. Or let him worry about it. You won’t know when exactly the ring itself is coming, and you can ask him to do a romantic “proposal” with the ring once he gets it, but you’ll know that a ring is indeed coming, and that you are getting married by x date for certain. And you’ll also have some of that surprise element you want so badly.

My point is, you are engaged once you have a mutual agreement to marry. You don’t need to get the ring before the venue, as long as you have a firm, mutual agreement as to when you will get married. Also, you don’t have to plan for a wedding in any specific order, once you have both agreed to when you will get married. I don’t think a proposal timeline would work great for you, I think a firm marriage timeline would be best.

In my case, bf and I agreed to a fall 2020 wedding. We don’t have a ring yet, but that didn’t stop us from talking to wedding vendors and going to a wedding expo and booking an engagement photo session. We will prob end up booking a venue before we get the actual ring. But we have established when we are going to get married, and we are basically doing everything else out of order. It is very important to me that we book the venue at least a year out, so I can get the time off of work and my overseas family can plan accordingly. You seem worried that your church is booked up, so that’s why I suggested you book the venue as the first step of your wedding planning (AFTER) you and bf have agreed on a general date.

I did NOT mean to imply that you should secretly book the venue first so you force his hand. No no no!

I hope that makes more sense! 

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