Post # 1
I’ve having an especially difficult night tonight. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 1/2 years and lived together for about 4 1/2. I’m 29 and he is 35. I’ve been itching for a propsoal for over a year. November 2015 I had a long conversation with him telling him I don’t expect a propsoal tomorrow but I need to know it is going to happen soon. I want to get married and I don’t want to be the 10 year girlfriend. He reassued me saying you won’t be a 10 year girlfriend we will be get engaged soon. Christmas 2015, new years, my birthday, our anniversary passed with no ring. I brought it up in June and he kept informing me that it’ll happen soon he doesn’t have the money for a ring. I suggested just a band if it was amount money. This is when I started to get really anxious and upset about it. I brought it up before our vacation to London in October and I thought he hinted it would happen in London. Which it didn’t. It lead to a conversation where he told me to be patient he had the money for the ring (he indicated he’s had the money for the ring set aside for 2 years). I asked if we wanted to go ring shopping together and he told me that he felt like it was a level of trust to have the man pick out the ring. At the beginning of December I brought it up again telling him I needed a timeline. He said that we thought we agreed in London a few months? I told him I don’t remember this occuring but a few months? He said yes a few months. I was really anticipating a ring for X-mas. I got a TV. Yes, a TV. I told him later I was really disappointed and he said that he figured that out after I opened the TV. On new years when no ring came and past I exploded a bit and told him that I’m really angry and frustrated about this. That I feel like I have no control over this situation and over the path of my life. He’s been telling me for over a year that we will be getting engaged and we still aren’t engaged and I don’t understand what he is waiting for. He told me he can’t decide what ring I’d like. I told him I offered to help him pick a ring and he told me no. I asked if he had a plan for the proposal and he said no. I told him that doesn’t make me feel good about this and he said that he’s looked and thoguht about it but can’t seem to decide on how he’d like to do it. I’ve set an internal timeline of March 1st of when to breakup with him if I don’t get a propsal by then but I don’t know if I can wait that long… I’m not giving him an ultimatum.
I just don’t know if it’s worth staying. I’m so frustrated and angry about it all the time. I try very hard to focus on myself and my activities, I am able to do this well for about 2 days before having a total melt down. I just don’t want to waste another 2 months waiting. I honestly don’t know why we aren’t engaged yet. He hasn’t told me he won’t marry me and has only told me to be patient. I feel like i’ve been patient. He knows how upset and hurt I am about this but he still isn’t proposing. I also see how he is when he wants something. He wanted to buy a car 3 years ago when he was in school and figured out a way to purchse a brand new truck without a job. He wanted to buy a home and 6 months later he bought a home with no money down. It would appear when he wants something he figures out a way to get it done. I realize a proposal is not a purchase but that’s the thought that runs through my head. I don’t know if I’m looking for advice, reassuarnce, kind words? I’m just upset and venting so I don’t blow up on him.
Post # 2
He’s dragging his feet because he isn’t sure and probably thought he would feel more sure “soon” when he said it but clearly that has proven to not be the case.
He might very well reach the point of being ready if you stay with him but it might just as likely not be within your timeline.
Sorry you’re in this situation, but what’s the point to wait until March if he doesn’t even know that’s the end of the rope for you? “Just in case” it happens anyway? I think you should talk and if he can volunteer a date it will happen by and you can live with that date then stick around but if he can’t put an exact “within this date it will happen” I think I’d call it a day. And if he didn’t do it by the promised date, likewise. Like you said, he was able to figure out other major stuff he wanted quickly, so there’s nothing practical standing in the way here, he’s blocking himself.
Also, have you thought about proposing to him?
Post # 3
smile4fun192 : Sorry to say this but it sounds to me as if he is stringing you along. Especially since he got the truck and the house. I hope I am wrong.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
“It would appear when he wants something he figures out a way to get it done.” <<< Right. I’m sorry but there are too many unreasonable excuses in this story. First he needed money for the ring, you suggested a plain band and that was a no go, he’s now had enough money for two years yet he can’t decide how to propose nor does he want you to have an input on your ring choice. I suspect he’d like to avoid ring shopping bc once you pick something out there’s no reason to keep stalling a proposal. Nope, all the nopes. For whatever reason this man does not seem interested in marriage.
Post # 5
I understand how you feel because waiting is the most terrible feeling ever. It is extremely hard to be patient especially when you’ve already waiting long enough and you know he has nothing planned and no ring. If I were you I’d have a very serious conversation with him about the bigger picture here. This isn’t about a ring and it isn’t about a proposal or anything romantic. It’s about spending your lives together and getting married. Especially given the amount of time you’ve been together and your ages, you would think he should be ready and know by now if you are the one or not. And if you want to have children, then he needs to know that there isn’t much time left to wait for marriage. You can either drag him to jewelry stores and say ok let’s pick a ring out together. You said that’s what was holding you back so let’s make this an experience for both of us. This is what I did.. although I wouldn’t say I dragged him lol but one day I just said hey let’s go ring shopping and we went. Also you can propose to him. I did this also with a gold chain as a way to propose back to my Fiance to show our equality and to also get him something nice in return. Or if neither works, you can try therapy. And if all else fails, well he truly isn’t for you and you should probably move on because he seems to be full of excuses.
Post # 6
What bothers me most is his continuous moving of the goal posts, in other words lies and betrayals of trust.
First it’s about cost, then he claims to have had the money all along. Then it’s that he can’t figure out what you’d like when you’ve told him both that anything will do and that you are willing to give input. He’s so indecisive he can’t imagine how to propose yet he’s not this way at all in any other aspect of his life.
The timeline keeps changing too.
His last promise was a few months from October. March will make it five months. I’d say your plan is a reasonable one. Don’t threaten, just act.
Post # 7
Go with your gut girl!!! I would have been way over it. Especially if i already lived w him. No matter what happens, it is never wasted him. Ever! Just lessons along the way.
Post # 8
smile4fun192 : I’m sorry you’re going through this, waiting is suck!!!! But since you have been together 51/2 years, I think another 2 months is nothing. I know you are angry, but please don’t leave like this. Breaking up is very hard, the sadness you feel will last more than 2 months I’m sure?? But again I’m the type that take breakups seriously. No break up and make up for me LOL.
I really think it’s better to give him an ultimatum or at least the maximum timeline. At least it will make him think that you are serious.
Hope you the best of luck!!!
Post # 9
Could he just feel pressured? He wants to make you happy so he says soon but in reality he’s not quite ready? I understand you’re frustrated but maybe just back off with the pressure just a bit? If you’re constantly bringing it up it might not be helping?
Just trying to provide a different point of view.
Post # 10
A guy who wants to get married to you will find a way to get married to you. My husband was in school earning less than $1000 per month when we got engaged, so I roll my eyes at guys who buy TVs and houses and trucks instead of buying a ring for the girlfriend who he has been living with for almost 5 years. My husband found a basic 0.3 carat solitaire and bought it with some cash he had saved a few years back. He knew it wasn’t my “dream ring”, but it came from him and it came with ultimate love.
Post # 11
There was another thread that a bee posted about how she waited so long that she began to feel resentful and ruined each time they spent together because she was expecting the proposal but it never happened. After a while, she just gave up and lost her belief in him. When he did propose, it was a magical event but by that time, she had already told herself it was never going to happen and she had given up on him.
There might be a reason other than financial issues that he is holding back. If there are bumps in your relationship, he might be debating whether or not marriage is something he wants with you and is just dragging things on because he is afraid to break up.
I don’t know. I’m just speculating.
In any case, you have to ask yourself if marriage is more important than spending time with this man. If it is, then leave. If you can wait 50 years without marriage–it is just paperwork after all–then wait.
Post # 12
Just leave. Don’t wait until March. You’ve been patient enough already. I’m furious for you as to how you’ve been treated. He’s had his (many) chance(s). If he wants you back, let him propose. If not, you have your answer as well.
Post # 13
I do think he is stringing you along he clearly doesn’t think your going anywhere so why would he rush into it. Whatever the reason is I would give yourself a hard deadline (March 1) and move on. If you just leave right away you might wonder what if, but if you wait for a short time you will at least being giving it all you can before walking away.
Post # 14
smile4fun192 : It sounds like he is not ready to get married and is stalling for as long as possible. Sorry, it is tough to wait so long but sometimes (I was in the same boat) you realise it may never actually happen. Big hugs to you.
Post # 15
smile4fun192 : If I were you I would leave. I was in a similar situation before meeting my Darling Husband and I was feeling frustrated and finally had enough when it hit me that I wanted to marry a man that wanted to marry me and I didn’t want to drag a grown man to the alter. I feel like your SO has had plenty of time to either propose or at least get his story straight.