(Closed) Will he or won't he?

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
75 posts
Worker bee

I’m going to share a story. I am in no way saying you and your SO are anything like these people. It just sounds very similar, and it might give you some insight.

My cousin had been with her boyfriend for 8 years when they broke up. They had been together all the way through her going to college and then getting her doctorate in physical therapy. She went to school out of state, and they did the LDR thing while he worked at home. When she got a great job, and was ready to move out, they found an apartment together. After she made it very clear that she would not be financially supporting him in any way, ever, he finally said, “I don’t think I ever want to get married.” They broke up, and he moved out immediately following that conversation. Now for the last 2-3 years of their relationship, my cousin made her goals very clear. She knew she wanted to get married, and pressured him to propose. He kept saying “soon” and giving her timelines and excuses. I guess some people just don’t want to get married or make it a priority, and maybe he didn’t know that until their conversation. I know now my cousin says she wishes she had known how he felt or she “wouldn’t have wasted her time.” 

Post # 17
231 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
blissfulheart :  love love love this post!! No more discussions, timelines, being patient, negotiating this is ridiculous and she’s being treated terribly! I’m furious too and he’s being awful for putting words into her mouth. 

Post # 18
393 posts
Helper bee

As much as I want to say leave if he’s not giving you what you want… I also feel like that gives him an easy out if marriage isn’t what he wants.  I’d say give it until March, explain again how much you love him and want to meet him.. That you are happy to get engaged with a band/ ring  which you can pick out together and if not then its his decision to let you go. Hopefully that won’t be the case though. 

Post # 19
286 posts
Helper bee

Nope, he doesn’t sound like he’s proposing anytime soon. The excuses are just getting stupid now – picking the ring on his own is a ‘trust’ thing? What about the trust he’s broken with you for constantly going back on his word? 

I don’t think marrying you is something he wants, bee. You’ve already told us that he goes out and gets what he wants, regardless of financial barriers. 

Make plans to move out on your deadline. It’s tricky to separate your lives when you’re living together, so the sooner you start to plan this the easier it will be to leave. 

Post # 20
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Leave. You should be just as involved in the decisions about your life timeline too. He can’t just keep moving the goal posts and taking that control away from you.

He doesn’t want to get married to you and he’s going to keep moving the goal posts because it’s not a priority for him.

Leave and go and create the life you want rather than living in his shadow. 

Post # 21
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Hate to say it, but if you’re willing to break up with him over not getting your own way,  maybe you’re the problem?

Not trying to sound mean here… but you really sound like you’re pressuring him way too much, and not in a nice way either. Honestly sounds to me like you might be scaring him away from proposing with your intensity. 

My advice is to RELAX. And if you’re honestly willing to break up with him over this, then maybe your relationship isn’t as strong as you thought it was, and isn’t even marriage worthy?

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