Post # 1
I’m turning 31 on Monday. And I’ve never felt the urge to have a baby. Sometimes I think something’s wrong with me. I like talking to kids and playing with them, but I’m always happy to leave the kids behind and go home to my quiet child-free house. And I don’t like babies, I never have.
I started working in a daycare 4 years ago hoping that seeing babies on a regular basis would soften me up a bit and make me want one. While I now know a lot about the type of care a newborn requires I still feel no closer to wanting a baby of my own. A few years ago I asked to be permanently moved to a toddler room, so I now work with 2 year olds. I do like the kids and have fun with them, but I’ve never formed a deep bond with any of my students, and am no closer to wanting my own child.
I’ve tried to analyze my reasons for not wanting a baby. And what I’ve come up with is that I don’t like change and that I’m terrified of doctors and all medical procedures. For awhile I thought that maybe I should adopt, but I’ve never formed a bond with a kid that’s not my own, so I don’t think that would be for me.
I don’t have any pets and don’t particularly want any, but one time I was in a pet store and held a rabbit. It was really soft and I didn’t want to put it down. I had a strong urge to buy it and bring it home with me (I didn’t though). After that moment I decided that I wouldn’t have a kid until I felt that same urge while holding a baby.
Unfortunately, I’m not sure that will ever happen. My SO thinks that if we’re married and had a house I’d feel a baby urge, but I’m not so sure. I told him it might never happen, and he said he was ok with that.
I’m worried that when I’m 45 I’ll be sad I never had a child. I’m worried I’ll be “missing out” if I never have a child. And I’m very, very worried that something is inherently wrong with me because I have no desire to have a child. Has anyone else ever felt this way? I know I still have several child bearing years left, but I still feel inadequate and “unwomanly” for never having this urge.
Post # 2
First, there is NOTHING wrong with not wanting a child. Nothing. It’s not for everyone. For whatever reason that person has. That thought needs to leave your mind.
When you’re 45 you’re going to have regrets. That is a fact of life. Would you rather have a child and look at them wishing you never had them?
I am an on the fence person. I do want a child wit my fiance, but if it never happens, we will be okay. We lead fulfilling lives that do not need to be defined by my ability to produce.
Post # 3
Some people dont’ want kids and there is nothing wrong with that! As long as you and your SO are on the same page, I don’t see any issue here.
Post # 4
There is nothing wrong with not wanting children.
I was a fence sitter. I leaned slightly towards no kids, but my husband really wanted a child, and so we had one.
While I love her and wouldn’t trade her for the world, I wouldn’t have another one.
If you don’t want kids, don’t have them. There is nothing wrong with you if you end up not having children.
Post # 5
My BFF doesn’t have kids and doesnt want them. They travel all the time and work long hours. To each their own. No one should judge and no one should feel guilty for not wanting kids. They think of their 3 dogs and 2 cats as their kids 🙂
Post # 6
I have felt this way and still feel this way (well, somewhat, since I’ve noticed it easing up a bit recently but I still don’t want a child anytime soon), and know plenty of people who do not want children. It is a perfectly valid life choice, regardless of what any person with children tells you. I’m sure having children is a wonderful experience for the people who choose to do so, but making others feel as if there’s nothing else worth living life for, or that a person’s life is diminished by not having children is simply not true.
Think of all the things you will gain by not being tied down to children and quit worrying about being alone later in life by not having them. Think of all the people who had children that still end up alone in nursing homes – having kids doesn’t secure your future. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, but there absolutely is something wrong with a society that constantly makes women feel “inherently wrong” for not wanting kids.
Quit worrying so much and enjoy your life with your SO.
Post # 7
Hello from one fence sitter to the next! In March I turned 33 and just lately I’ve developed a slight (nothing major) urge for children. It’s not because I am obsessed with babies or particularly enjoy children but because I want family for now and for the future. Sometimes I observe families and I find it makes my heart happy. I still don’t know if children are in the stars for me but I am taking my time and not going to rush anything. What will be, will be. As long as your partner is understanding of that then there is no pressure.
Post # 8
same here. Fiance and I just dont like all the negative things about the world that we would be bringing a child in to. Everyone says “you raise them how you want to.” Yes that’s the main battles but they are ultimately going to become who they are and they will be exposed to things in the world that will be out of our control. Period. Other than that, we would like a child of our own but if we never have 1 which we’d only want ONE, then we’re okay with that.
Post # 9
I was kind of whatever about kids and then shortly after we got married my baby fever kicked in hardcore. You may never have that but you really don’t know. I’d say take it as it comes and you can always change your mind or adopt if you are too old to carry a baby.
Post # 10
Same here. If we have one, I will have only one. I am an only child. My fiance was rasied as an only. we are happy with it.
Post # 11
Nothing is wrong with you. It is perfectly fine not to want children. Please do not force yourself to. It’s great you’ve been honest with your SO and that he’s okay with it.
I feel the same as you. I’ve always been ambivalent about having my own children. I enjoy children but I’m much more of a pet/animal person than a baby person. I cannot imagine being pregnant or caring for a newborn. The only reason I would want a kid is to have family when I’m older. I don’t think that’s a good enough reason.
Post # 12
- Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman
I’ve never had the urge to take someone’s baby home with me like you did with the bunny and I have a child. I never wanted kids until I was in my early 30’s and it wasn’t some overwhelming urge, I just realized that I wanted to and that my life would feel empty without children at some point. So I mean maybe you will want them someday and maybe you won’t and either is fine, but don’t get hung up on having to feel some crazy maternal instincts or having “baby fever”, not everyone with kids felt that way.
Post # 13
I’m MUCH closer to 45 than you and never wanted kids. I don’t regret it. Every once in a while I’d get a twinge like, oooh, wouldn’t that be fun and everything, but never enough to actually do it. Not even close. There is NOTHING wrong with you. I’m actually surprised you’ve gone through all the trouble to find a “cure”. LOL! Keep on keepin’ on!
Post # 14
Wow! Thank you everyone for all of your nice responses! I feel a lot better reading them all. I guess I’m the only person I know of who is my age and doesn’t either have a kid or want a kid. I feel a lot of pressure to have one. It’s a relief to know that I’m not alone in not having a “baby urge”.
Post # 15
Thank you so much for your response. I’ve always assumed that everyone that has a baby has felt that urge. It’s a relief to know that you didn’t and still decided to have a child and then bonded with them. (A big fear of mine is that I’ll have a kid but never be able to feel attached to them.)