Post # 16
Jenny120: great advice! OP I cio’d and it worked great for us. I felt completely depressed, isolated, angry, and incredibly anxious before he slept through the night. The fact that your babies are responding differently is proof that babies are different though so don’t be too hard on yourself. I agree, absolutely no bottles at night, and put him down sleepy but awake. That was a key component of success for us! and see if you can get your Darling Husband to be on the same page for at least a week, maybe 2, to see it through.
anyway I’m so so sorry. I truly empathize. You’re doing the best you can for your babies. Just be sure to take care of yourself too!
Post # 17
Thanks everybody. I’m going to start fresh tomorrow with a new addiRude and to try sleep training again…sadly things got so bad last night I came home from work completely exhausted and on the verge of a breakdown after feeding them dinner and bathing them…I dreaded the night ahead. DS went to bEd at 7:30, woke at 9 and then at 9:30 i sent him to grandmas house, 5 minutes away. It’s the first time ir been away from him and I feel so bad but it was an offer for a break so me and my husband can get some sleep and so we took it. I cried a little and my husband is in the couch sulking but I’m off to bed and hope to have a better outlook tomorrow.
Post # 18
I’m sorry to hear about how bad your night was 🙁 Keep us posted, though. I’m curious to see how your story plays out over the next couple of weeks. Stay strong and good luck!
Post # 19
We are in the same situation with our 11m old daughter. The biggest thing our dr said was consistency. I’ll share what has been working for us…
we do a bedtime routine and then I put her in bed awake. I sit in there with my hand in the crib but not engaging her. If she wants to hold it I let her. The first few nights she still screamed like a banche. but she quickly learned that it was bedtime. She will now at least settle down. If she wakes up at night before it’s time to eat we repeat the hand holding after a reassuring few words. We don’t pick her up. Our biggest problem was we were trying to do everything under the sun to get her to sleep and our dr pointed out it was overwhelming to her too. The big thing here is that she’s falling asleep in her crib so she’s not upset when she wakes. She’s also started getting herself to sleep in the middle of the night if she wakes up briefly.
Its a time commitment and we still have bad nights but it’s no longer every night. I hope you can fir what works for you. I thought i was about to jump off a cliff at our worst and totally understand. Hugs!
Post # 20
Mom of twin boys checking in!
I was blessed that both my boys were fairly good sleepers, but had a hard time consistantly STTN, that is until we started solids. They started to sleep soundly until 8/9 in the morning. When they started to wake up earlier in the morning, we upped their solid intake. Right now we are feeding them roughly a 6oz jar of baby food split between them, 3oz of a fruit baby food, some green beans or carrots, followed by a 4oz bottle of formula around 7pm. Jammies at 8 and they get their designated night time blanket (they only receive it when its nap or night time) then we hold them until they are asleep starting around 8:30 (they usually fall asleep within 15-20mins). Just a side note our boys are still on oxygen at night and trying to put an oxygen line on an awake 1 year old doesn’t work so we have to wait until they are asleep to do it. Doing it in the dark also renders terrible results, so we are “terrible” and hold our boys until they go to sleep.
They seems to work best for us. It really seemed to get better once we fed them a larger dinner.
Also have you thought about trading nights on who gets up at night? Since I work in surgery and I get up really early, my husband mainly gets up with the boys Mon-Thursday nights. Then I will get up with them Friday-Sunday night so he gets a break. I know all too well to get one child settled only for the other to wake up! Sometimes it feels like they are planning it in advance lol.
Anyway I hope things get better soon! Twin moms rock!
Post # 21
fresitachulita: Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry to hear you feel like a failure and that your husband isn’t on the same page. Plus the sleep deprivation on top of that. That’s the worst. I just want to hug you. You’re not a failure. We ALL feel like that at some point, for some reason. I was super lucky that my kids were good sleepers, but my son refused to eat vegetables once he started eating “real” food. We fed him exactly the same as my daughter and she never gave any problems, but we could not get him to eat anything that grew in the ground. Ok, raw carrots and occasionally raw broccoli. He’s 16 now and I often feel like a failure when I think of trying to make him eat other veggies, and because he still will only eat carrots and broccoli. Then I remind myself that I have truly always done my best and it’s not reasonable to try to be perfect all the time. I have and will continue to make mistakes, but I am doing my best which is all we can do. You’re doing your best too, under very trying circumstances. Be kind to yourself. Do you have family or anyone who could maybe take the kids for a few hours on the weekend so you can try to catch up a bit on your sleep? Also, what do you use your bonus room for? Could one of the kids sleep in there? Or your MIL? I would try arranging it as your room, rough-sleeper’s room, better-sleeper’s room, then MIL’s room. Might that be possible?
Post # 22
My 7 month old is the worst sleeper ever so I feel your pain. He has done a handful of 4 hour stretches, but I can literally count on one hand how often that’s been. He has never slept in his crib either so we bedshare. It’s midnight right now and he’s already woken up 3 times, haha. We also read all the books and even got a sleep consultant! Nothing has worked long term and he has no health issues. The only thing is that he started sitting up unassisted at 4.5 months, and now he’s pulling up and standing so I think he can’t shut down his brain. I will wake up to him on all fours rocking back and forth next to me and the only thing that’ll help him go to bed is mama’s milk.
I will say this – I was a horrible sleeper as a baby. I slept through the night for the first time well past 2 years old. I also skipped crawling and started running around at 9-10 months. To this day, I have an extremely difficult time falling asleep – I need melatonin and chamomile tea and a warm shower. It’s hard to turn my brain off, but once I do, I really can sleep for like 12 hours straight! So, eventually, it does get better. haha. 🙂
Post # 23
Thanks again everybody…it’s been such a rough rode! So, after the night we sent our little trouble maker to grandmas, we gave sleep training another try for like the 3rd time, this time instead of training him in our room we put him in the nursery and just told Mother-In-Law she will have to deal with it, or camp downstairs…and we put his brother in our room. First night he cried an hour and then slept through. 2, 3rd and 4th night he woke up 2-3 times, cried 15 min each and went back tos leep. Now he’s waking about once or twice a night and crying for typically less than 5 min before settling himself…it’s been ovr a week now.
so we are all sleeping much better. Even though we wake to his cries blaring over the monitor even if only for a few min here an there (and then I have to turn the monitor sound off as to not wake brother sleeping feet away from us and wait for our trouble sleeper to settle back in bed).I think his brother is a bit affected by the move to our room, he consistently STTN before and now he’s waking once in teh motn every other night…could be him hearing our noises, ust knowing we are right there, missing his room, I dunno!. SOOOO..the big quesiton is WHEN to put them back together in the nursery!?! I’m so lost. I feel like our trouble sleeper could use another week or so on his own…but I feel terribly for my other little guy who has to listen to us snoring and is missing his cozy room….I wold feel aweful putting him int he big messy bonus room, he’s old Ienough to be freaked out by the unfamiliar….I really hope hope hope I can get them sleeping in the same room…without a huge disaster.
Obviously there will be nights when one of them cries, I think they tolerate eachothers cries ok, for a few minutes, but mroe than that we will have two screaming babies in the MOTN. I’m not sure our little trouble sleeper will stop waking completley…I think the big acheievment is he can settle himself and is sleeping from 7:30, until around 5 or 6am (when I will go ahead and pick him up, change him, bottle), perhaps this time in his development was just hte right time, or being away from us…not sure why it worked better this time. I admit we havent’ been that successful with putting him down awake everytime….he just conks out so faast and hard and it’s tough…my Mom watches them during the day and while she tries whenever possible to put him down sleepy, she’s older and stretching herself thin as it is and admits she doesn’t wake himif he happens to fall asleep before she puts him in the crib. It’s so tough when you have been doign things a certain way for so long! Also I genuinly inejoy holding my baby until he falls alseep, much to my own detriment? I dunno…he seems to be doing quite well now other than waking and crying a few min here and there.
I’m not sure what to do next. I suppose we could just leave things as is for another week and then try putting them back together. I’m just not sure how to handle when one wakes up….which will happen inevitebly….(without undoing our progress)…
Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.
We just moved into our new house so the bonus room isn’t being used as anythign except storage/office, it’s a pretty big room and it’s a mess right now, I have thought about putting oMIL there and turning her room into an office/second nursery which would be less scary for the boys to sleep in…. but haven’t made any decisions yet. It would be a huge project…still hanging onto hope we can get these two sleeping in their room together
Post # 24
Good job mama! can you spend a little time making the spare room more cozy for the “good sleeper”? I don’t have experience with twins but I think I’d want to make sure the “bad sleeper” was a bit more set in his routine. Hope things continue to improve!
Post # 25
Congrats on your progress! That is huge and I am very excited for you!
I think that it would be optimal if you could manage to keep the boys separated for at least a few more days. I wanted to add that I would not underestimate the good sleeper’s ability to settle down in a new room, even if he is at the age where he might freak out if things seem unfamiliar. For example, I mentioned in one of my earlier posts that I have been helping a family sleep train their 1 yr old. Sometimes I watch the child in my own home and I will admit that I was concerned about continuing the sleep training while he was with me. I thought that he would have a hard time with being in a new room, and to make things worse, he uses a pack and play when he is at my house rather than a regular crib. To be totally honest, he did absolutely fine the first time I attempted sleep training at my house even though the situation was so different. He seriously just babbled for a minute and then put himself to sleep.
A week after that, his family went to visit various family members in a different state (they stayed in two different homes over the course of the trip) so for half of the trip he had to use a pack and play while the other half he was able to use a crib. These were two separate rooms with two different types of beds and he did absolutely fine. Remember, this was a kid who used to wake up screaming all through the night!
I’m sure that your good sleeper will probably also adjust fairly well if you do need to use the bonus room for a while. And remember, if you put him down at night and the room is nice and dark it will hide some of the differences between his normal room and the bonus room.
Once your “bad” sleeper seems fairly consistent in his ability to put himself back down without crying for to long I would put the twins back together. I’m wondering if playing music (rather than the typical white noise) would help the good sleeper stay down if the bad sleeper wakes up because music has so many tonal variations that he might be able to tune out the other twin for a while. I personally utilize music during nap time when I am with the twins that I nanny for (different family than the one I discussed above) because they also have a 3 year old brother who naps at different times. Music seems to drown out the sound of their brother if he gets noisy and the twins sleep through it better.
Post # 26
Oh, and one last thing. I wouldn’t worry about your mom not always putting your son down while he is awake. The main thing is that he is starting to recognize that he needs to settle himself in the middle of the night. I also understand how you want to hold your son as he falls asleep at times because that is a truly wonderful, cozy moment that you will cherish forever. Don’t feel bad about that at all… just put him down awake as much as possible without totally denying yourself of that wonderful experience. Obviously you are already moving in the right direction regardless because everyone is starting to sleep better. Eventually it won’t matter if you put him down totally awake or asleep because he will know how to roll over in the middle of the night and settle back down if he wakes up. I honestly snuggle “my” twins to sleep quite frequently now, since I know that they are fully capable of settling back down on their own if they wake up prematurely. It was just in the beginning that it was best to refrain, but after the way you described your progress I wouldn’t be super worried about it if you simply cannot help cuddling him.
Post # 27
My advice to you is throw out the damn books and do what you feel is right.
Babies want to be close to their Mum. It is a natural human instinct.
Crying it out is a horrible, horrible technique. Babies aren’t purposely depriving you of sleep. They can’t even understand what you’re saying! They’re crying because they need you.
Safe cosleeping is absolutely fine. I know in western countries it is frowned upon but where i live (in the Pacific Islands), almost all babies cosleep. I cosleep. My sister had twin boys too and she coslept.
Who cares what the repercussions are later? You need sleep today before you go crazy. If you need to rock him do so, if you need to sing then do so.
I coslept, breastfeed to sleep, rock, sing, pat, cuddle whatever my little girl needs. She is a fantastic sleeper.
Do what feels right to you.
Post # 28
sharontobemarried: from OP’s last post, it souds like CIO worked really well for her and her baby. Glad cosleeping and comforting is working well for you and your little girl!
OP: So glad to hear that things seem to be going well! It souds like you’re over the biggest hurdle. I think putting the “bad” sleeper in the nursery to sleep trai was key! I know it can be crazy annoying, but I’m sure everone in the house will be better off once boh the twins are sleeping better, so it’s worth it! Twins are hard. My husband is a twin, and my Mother-In-Law says she has blocks of time that are completely blocked from her memory because she was just trying to survive. But my husband loves bein a twin and they’re still super close. So it had perks as well!
Post # 29
thanks, since I last posted we had a couple hiccups that may have aet us back (we will see) they got a nasty cold right after my post which lasted several days followed immediaey by the most horrific case of gastroenteritis….seriously, it’s been like the exorcist I. My house for the entire week…no end in sight! obviously we’ve had totems to them both in the night for comfort but mostly to auction snit, change a Diarreah soaked diaper, administer medication -land oral hydration….but all in all my bad sleeper has alept ok even through his illnesses…I suspect things will be status quo by mid next week (just time for their 1st birthday) and we can resume our routine and hopefully get these brothers sleeping in their rool together sometime in May.
Twins are twice the love, twice the fun…and twice the germs.