(Closed) Will I ever sleep again (by a ftm of twins)

posted 5 years ago in Babies
Post # 16
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Jenny120:  great advice! OP I cio’d and it worked great for us. I felt completely depressed, isolated, angry, and incredibly anxious before he slept through the night. The fact that your babies are responding differently is proof that babies are different though so don’t be too hard on yourself. I agree, absolutely no bottles at night, and put him down sleepy but awake. That was a key component of success for us! and see if you can get your Darling Husband to be on the same page for at least a week, maybe 2, to see it through.

anyway I’m so so sorry. I truly empathize. You’re doing the best you can for your babies. Just be sure to take care of yourself too!

Post # 18
Member
212 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry to hear about how bad your night was 🙁 Keep us posted, though. I’m curious to see how your story plays out over the next couple of weeks. Stay strong and good luck!

Post # 19
Member
1492 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

We are in the same situation with our 11m old daughter. The biggest thing our dr said was consistency. I’ll share what has been working for us…

we do a bedtime routine and then I put her in bed awake. I sit in there with my hand in the crib but not engaging her. If she wants to hold it I let her. The first few nights she still screamed like a banche. but she quickly learned that it was bedtime. She will now at least settle down. If she wakes up at night before it’s time to eat we repeat the hand holding after a reassuring few words. We don’t pick her up. Our biggest problem was we were trying to do everything under the sun to get her to sleep and our dr pointed out it was overwhelming to her too. The big thing here is that she’s falling asleep in her crib so she’s not upset when she wakes. She’s also started getting herself to sleep in the middle of the night if she wakes up briefly. 

Its a time commitment and we still have bad nights but it’s no longer every night. I hope you can fir what works for you. I thought i was about to jump off a cliff at our worst and totally understand. Hugs!

Post # 20
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Mom of twin boys checking in!

I was blessed that both my boys were fairly good sleepers, but had a hard time consistantly STTN, that is until we started solids. They started to sleep soundly until 8/9 in the morning. When they started to wake up earlier in the morning, we upped their solid intake. Right now we are feeding them roughly a 6oz jar of baby food split between them, 3oz of a fruit baby food, some green beans or carrots, followed by a 4oz bottle of formula around 7pm. Jammies at 8 and they get their designated night time blanket (they only receive it when its nap or night time) then we hold them until they are asleep starting around 8:30 (they usually fall asleep within 15-20mins). Just a side note our boys are still on oxygen at night and trying to put an oxygen line on an awake 1 year old doesn’t work so we have to wait until they are asleep to do it. Doing it in the dark also renders terrible results, so we are “terrible” and hold our boys until they go to sleep.

They seems to work best for us. It really seemed to get better once we fed them a larger dinner.

 

Also have you thought about trading nights on who gets up at night? Since I work in surgery and I get up really early, my husband mainly gets up with the boys Mon-Thursday nights. Then I will get up with them Friday-Sunday night so he gets a break. I know all too well to get one child settled only for the other to wake up! Sometimes it feels like they are planning it in advance lol. 

 

Anyway I hope things get better soon! Twin moms rock!

Post # 21
Member
8820 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

fresitachulita:  Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry to hear you feel like a failure and that your husband isn’t on the same page. Plus the sleep deprivation on top of that. That’s the worst. I just want to hug you. You’re not a failure. We ALL feel like that at some point, for some reason. I was super lucky that my kids were good sleepers, but my son refused to eat vegetables once he started eating “real” food. We fed him exactly the same as my daughter and she never gave any problems, but we could not get him to eat anything that grew in the ground. Ok, raw carrots and occasionally raw broccoli. He’s 16 now and I often feel like a failure when I think of trying to make him eat other veggies, and because he still will only eat carrots and broccoli. Then I remind myself that I have truly always done my best and it’s not reasonable to try to be perfect all the time. I have and will continue to make mistakes, but I am doing my best which is all we can do. You’re doing your best too, under very trying circumstances. Be kind to yourself. Do you have family or anyone who could maybe take the kids for a few hours on the weekend so you can try to catch up a bit on your sleep? Also, what do you use your bonus room for? Could one of the kids sleep in there? Or your MIL? I would try arranging it as your room, rough-sleeper’s room, better-sleeper’s room, then MIL’s room. Might that be possible?

Post # 22
Member
2447 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My 7 month old is the worst sleeper ever so I feel your pain. He has done a handful of 4 hour stretches, but I can literally count on one hand how often that’s been. He has never slept in his crib either so we bedshare. It’s midnight right now and he’s already woken up 3 times, haha. We also read all the books and even got a sleep consultant! Nothing has worked long term and he has no health issues. The only thing is that he started sitting up unassisted at 4.5 months, and now he’s pulling up and standing so I think he can’t shut down his brain. I will wake up to him on all fours rocking back and forth next to me and the only thing that’ll help him go to bed is mama’s milk.

I will say this – I was a horrible sleeper as a baby. I slept through the night for the first time well past 2 years old. I also skipped crawling and started running around at 9-10 months. To this day, I have an extremely difficult time falling asleep – I need melatonin and chamomile tea and a warm shower. It’s hard to turn my brain off, but once I do, I really can sleep for like 12 hours straight! So, eventually, it does get better. haha. 🙂

Post # 24
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Good job mama! can you spend a little time making the spare room more cozy for the “good sleeper”? I don’t have experience with twins but I think I’d want to make sure the “bad sleeper” was a bit more set in his routine. Hope things continue to improve!

Post # 25
Member
212 posts
Helper bee

Congrats on your progress! That is huge and I am very excited for you!

 

I think that it would be optimal if you could manage to keep the boys separated for at least a few more days. I wanted to add that I would not underestimate the good sleeper’s ability to settle down in a new room, even if he is at the age where he might freak out if things seem unfamiliar. For example, I mentioned in one of my earlier posts that I have been helping a family sleep train their 1 yr old. Sometimes I watch the child in my own home and I will admit that I was concerned about continuing the sleep training while he was with me. I thought that he would have a hard time with being in a new room, and to make things worse, he uses a pack and play when he is at my house rather than a regular crib. To be totally honest, he did absolutely fine the first time I attempted sleep training at my house even though the situation was so different. He seriously just babbled for a minute and then put himself to sleep.

A week after that, his family went to visit various family members in a different state (they stayed in two different homes over the course of the trip) so for half of the trip he had to use a pack and play while the other half he was able to use a crib. These were two separate rooms with two different types of beds and he did absolutely fine. Remember, this was a kid who used to wake up screaming all through the night!

 

I’m sure that your good sleeper will probably also adjust fairly well if you do need to use the bonus room for a while. And remember, if you put him down at night and the room is nice and dark it will hide some of the differences between his normal room and the bonus room. 

 

Once your “bad” sleeper seems fairly consistent in his ability to put himself back down without crying for to long I would put the twins back together. I’m wondering if playing music (rather than the typical white noise) would help the good sleeper stay down if the bad sleeper wakes up because music has so many tonal variations that he might be able to tune out the other twin for a while. I personally utilize music during nap time when I am with the twins that I nanny for (different family than the one I discussed above) because they also have a 3 year old brother who naps at different times. Music seems to drown out the sound of their brother if he gets noisy and the twins sleep through it better. 

Post # 26
Member
212 posts
Helper bee

Oh, and one last thing. I wouldn’t worry about your mom not always putting your son down while he is awake. The main thing is that he is starting to recognize that he needs to settle himself in the middle of the night. I also understand how you want to hold your son as he falls asleep at times because that is a truly wonderful, cozy moment that you will cherish forever. Don’t feel bad about that at all… just put him down awake as much as possible without totally denying yourself of that wonderful experience. Obviously you are already moving in the right direction regardless because everyone is starting to sleep better. Eventually it won’t matter if you put him down totally awake or asleep because he will know how to roll over in the middle of the night and settle back down if he wakes up. I honestly snuggle “my” twins to sleep quite frequently now, since I know that they are fully capable of settling back down on their own if they wake up prematurely. It was just in the beginning that it was best to refrain, but after the way you described your progress I wouldn’t be super worried about it if you simply cannot help cuddling him. 

Post # 27
Member
1133 posts
Bumble bee

My advice to you is throw out the damn books and do what you feel is right.

Babies want to be close to their Mum. It is a natural human instinct.

Crying it out is a horrible, horrible technique. Babies aren’t purposely depriving you of sleep. They can’t even understand what you’re saying! They’re crying because they need you.

Safe cosleeping is absolutely fine. I know in western countries it is frowned upon but where i live (in the Pacific Islands), almost all babies cosleep. I cosleep. My sister had twin boys too and she coslept.

Who cares what the repercussions are later? You need sleep today before you go crazy. If you need to rock him do so, if you need to sing then do so.

I coslept, breastfeed to sleep, rock, sing, pat, cuddle whatever my little girl needs. She is a fantastic sleeper.

Do what feels right to you.

Post # 28
Member
9546 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

sharontobemarried:  from OP’s last post, it souds like CIO worked really well for her and her baby. Glad cosleeping and comforting is working well for you and your little girl!

OP: So glad to hear that things seem to be going well! It souds like you’re over the biggest hurdle. I think putting the “bad” sleeper in the nursery to sleep trai was key! I know it can be crazy annoying, but I’m sure everone in the house will be better off once boh the twins are sleeping better, so it’s worth it! Twins are hard. My husband is a twin, and my Mother-In-Law says she has blocks of time that are completely blocked from her memory because she was just trying to survive. But my husband loves bein a twin and they’re still super close. So it had perks as well!

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