(Closed) Will I ever…*someone please respond*

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I really believe in the power of “the right time, the right place”. I think that we don’t necessarily meet the “right person” but that we meet them at the right time. Maybe this just isn’t your time yet. I know that sounds really airy fairy but I know for a fact that if I’d met my current husband at a different time in my life, it probably wouldn’t have worked out because there are a lot of outside circumstances and personal life goals that actually affect a relationship no matter how compatible two people are or how great they are as people.

Post # 32
Member
719 posts
Busy bee

I really agree with you, mscuppycake. When I got engaged to my Fiance at 31, I reflected back on the guys that I dated and there was only 1 other guy that I could have seen myself marrying, only 1 other guy that was similar to my Fiance. Unfortunately, I met that 1 other guy at 17, which clearly was the wrong time for both of us and both of our lives went in very separate directions thereafter. I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship until 28, which is when I got together with my Fiance. Definitely a matter of both right time and right person for both parties, the man and the woman.

Post # 37
Member
2347 posts
Buzzing bee

canthelpbuthope:  You said you tend to date emotionally unavailable and non-commital men who just “aren’t ready yet”. 

This is great news! You’ve isolated your primary problem so congratulations!!!

I’m a pragmatic lady, so my start would be to address the real reason why this is your type. Is it a fear of success? Does it make it easier because very little is expected of you? Is it something childhood related? There’s got to be a reason, becuase you’re a smart cookie and you know intellectually that these guys aren’t good for you. 

I think once you get to the root of this issue it wil be much easier to pick a different type of guy. 

Post # 38
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

canthelpbuthope:  At least you’ve been through plenty of crappy guys now so you will see ’em coming and know that you need to steer clear in the future! 

I had ALWAYS been mistreated and dumped by guys, while being told I was such a great girl, and they always came crawling back after months apologizing. It became so frustrating that I just got to the point where I didn’t want to date at all. 

Then when I met my Fiance I wasn’t really interested in him because he was the opposite of the kinds of guys I had been dating. Thankfully he persisted and we became friends. Then it dawned on me that he was a very genuine, honest and NICE person! So unlike the douchebags that I had been dating. So I gave him a chance and 10 years later I couldn’t be happier! The problem wasn’t with me it was with my poor dating choices. It took trying someone completely different to break out of that same rut. 

You’re going to be fine! Just take some time for yourself and when the nice guy comes around keep your mind open. 

Post # 40
Member
46 posts
Newbee

Older bee here (50s), I joined when my daughter got married. I was in your shoes at your age. I had been picking men who weren’t emotionally available and sad about the fact I didn’t think I I was ever going to meet someone special.

I ended up focusing on myself and trying to meet new people (as friends, not boyfriends.) I was living in a co-op building and ended up serving on a committee with this nice guy who was not my type at all. We became friends first because I was certain “no more boyfriends for me”. Over time, we fell in love and married when I was 29, he was 30. Next year is our 30th anniversary.

I think one of the reasons our marriage has lasted is that we were friends first. (we have had more challenges than most…our son who is now 24 is severely disabled. The divorce rate for parents of children with his level of disability is over 80%). Like the poster above, my husband is one of the best, more caring individuals I’ve ever known and we are still best friends. Since I had decided I wasn’t going to look for a boyfriend, we got to know each other very well as people first without pretense or putting expectations on our friendship then relationship  & it developed naturally.

I hope this helps..you will meet someone. Don’t compare your life to others.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by  Ayrebel.

The topic ‘Will I ever…*someone please respond*’ is closed to new replies.

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