Post # 1
To say that my relationship with my father is rocky is an understatement. He and my mom divorced when I was in Junior High, because he cheated and stole money from her. I didn’t really talk to him for a year after that, but he started to make me feel guilty because of it. He came up with this story about how he had lung cancer and was dying (I later found out this was a lie).
When I was a Freshman in High School he got arressted for hiring a hit man to kill someone, this is also when I found out that he lied about the cancer. I did not talk to him for 7 years after that.
He never paid child support because he always claimed that he had no money, but he had enough money to buy new cars for himself and his girlfriend 16 year old daughter and 20 year old son.
Recently he sent me an email saying that he wanted to try and get to know me, and he wanted to try and be a better father to me. But after that email I never heard anytihng back. What was even worse was that he lived one mile away from me but never made any effort to see me when I was growing up.
When I graduated college he posted all over his facebook pictures of me and made posts about how proud he was of me. But I never heard any of this from him. He constantly used me to make himself look better to his friends and family.
I just don’t feel right inviting him to the wedding, how could I invite someone that is biologically related to me but treats me like I do not even exist. I am having my uncle walk me down the aisle and give me away.
But my real question is, will I regret not somehow sharing my wedding with my father?
Post # 3
@Mrs_Miklawesome: I would not invite him and I would not feel guilty about it. At all
Post # 4
I think given the circumstances you should NOT feel guilty about not inviting him!
Post # 5
@Mrs_Miklawesome: Speaking as someone who has a very similar relationship with the biological unit… I will tell you that I did not regret not telling or inviting my bio father to my first wedding. I didn’t miss him one little bit. I won’t be telling/inviting him if I ever get married a second time either. Just my few cents.
Post # 6
I’m not normally someone who believes in leaving parents off the guest list but in your case it is difficult to see any reason why he should expect an invitation.
Post # 7
DO not invite him, at all.
Post # 8
No freaking way would I invite that jerk!
Post # 9
@Mrs_Miklawesome: I think, given your circumstances, you will not regret excluding him from your wedding day. He has done too many things to you and your family that I, personally, find unforgiveable. No thanks.
Post # 10
You should definitely not feel guilty about inviting your father. Not at all.
Post # 11
Life is long. The stress of your history with him has no place on your wedding day. You might reconcile later in life when your confidence and maturity have over-shadowed your feelings of resentment, or you might not. It doesn’t sound like you are ready to do it now, and trying will only stress you out more. Don’t worry about not having him at your wedding being a missed milestone. If you guys form a bond in later life, maybe he’ll cheer at your children’s graduations or dance at their weddings. There will be no shortage of important events in your future that you can choose to include him in when/if it feels right. If his health deteriorates before you reconcile, you won’t have as much of a loss to mourn.
Post # 12
I highly doubt it, as you can’t miss something you never had. He sounds toxic and it sounds like he hasn’t changed. Keep your wedding day full of people who loved and supported you, and will bring calm and love not drama.
Post # 13
My father was never around for me, and when he was around, he was extremely abusive. When he passed away, after my mother divorced him, he left us with a $500k debt. I had the chance to see him when he was dying, but I chose not to and I don’t regret it one bit. Some people are toxic and don’t deserve to be acknowledged.
Post # 14
I had a similar (lack of) relationship with my father. I didn’t invite him. I don’t regret it at all!
Post # 15
I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t. Everyone’s different though when it comes to family. I’ve known a couple people who will stand by their parents even through abuse and rape. Sure they normally leave for a bit but they instantly regret it and go straight back to that toxic life style. Some just truly care a lot more about blood than I think they should.
Even you do regret it I still think you should tell him you want nothing to do with him. That’s just my opinion though.
Post # 16
I am of the opinion you may choose who you want as part of your “real” family.
This means you can exclude biological relations that have been toxic to you and/or your loved ones. This guy only happened to contribute half your chromosomal make-up without accepting any of the responsibilities or sensibilities. That doesn’t make him much of a real father, so don’t feel guilty.
No invitation, no regrets.