Will it be hard for me to meet a man who…

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
286 posts
Helper bee

I know plenty of guys who don’t want kids. I think you’ll be fine. Just put yourself out there. <3

I’m not trying to convince you that your mind will change, but I will say that I didn’t want kids until I started dating my SO. Now, I can’t wait to have kids. I think it’s largely because I never felt safe in my previous relationships (including my previous marriage) to bring kids into this world–I never felt like I’d have help or a peaceful household. This was all subconscious. But now that I’m in a good, loving, safe, secure relationship, I really want a family.

Post # 3
Member
664 posts
Busy bee

Not difficult at all. If you’re not opposed to online dating, put on your profile that you don’t want children.  Search for men with the same preference. 

Post # 4
Member
11189 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

katkat85 :  

Yes.  But, not impossible.  This where online dating becomes practical.  You have at least some chance of weeding out guys with kids by being clear in your profile and only responding to kid free guys.

Would you be open to dating older guys?  By the time men are in their forties, their kids are either grown or close to it, and many have zero interest in going through all that again.  Guys in their forties still have plenty of life left in them.  You could seriously expand your dating pool.

Here’s more good news—being child free yourself makes you a hot commodity.

Post # 5
Member
47278 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you just ended your last relationship a month ago, I suggest you be single for a while before you start dating again.

When you are ready, I am sure there are men out there who are also CFBC.

Post # 6
Member
3930 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

katkat85 :  I would very strongly suggest not dating yet. I started dating within a month after ending a 7 year relationship and that whole year of dating was a complete disaster. I made so many mistakes and was just so concerned with meeting the right guy that I just let guys get away with things I shouldnt have. I caused myself a lot more heartache than was really necessary. And at the time I honestly thought I was ready and in a healthy mental/heart space to date. Everyone else could see I wasn’t ready, except me. That said, I think online dating would be the easiest place to make sure you fnd someone who wants the same things as you!

Post # 7
Member
6863 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I mean, yes it’s more difficult as we get older to find someone that doesn’t already have kids or is divorced or whatever, but it’s not impossible. You just need to be upfront in the beginning. There are definitely men out there that don’t want and don’t already have kids. 

ETA: Also I agree with other posters. Give yourself some time. One month of single time after an 8 year relationship is nothing. 

Post # 9
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

katkat85 :  not in this day and age. Just be very upfront and honest about it, so that no one is wasting their time on anyone. 

Post # 10
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - City, State

Definitely not! Just think of it like this: if a man is in his 30s or 40s and doesn’t already have kids, there is a significant chance that he either doesn’t want them or doesn’t care either way. 

I know plenty of great single men and women and while most of the women want kids, the men are funny, kind, would make amazing husbands (and have awesome jobs to boot – one is an actual rocket scientist), but never wanted kids and it has prevented them from finding lasting love. 

This may be a strange suggestion, but when you are ready to get out there again, I’d suggest any so-called ‘alternative’ scene as a place to look. Older metallers, goths, tabletop gamers, craft beer brewers etc. as groups, have a statistically higher number of single childless men and a very skewed male to female ratio.

I may be biased because I run in these circles myself, but I often meet eligible child free men. If I hadn’t already found my fiancé, I wouldn’t be worried about meeting someone great and I’m 36. As a PP said, you are a hot commodity to child free men! 

Post # 11
Member
267 posts
Helper bee

Met my husband online. He’s 3 years older than I am and was completely fine either way. My profile immediately indicated that I wouldn’t be having kids and it was so totally fine by him, I couldn’t believe it. I was once told by an ex (who I was with for over 5 years) that if I didn’t promise to have his kids he wouldn’t propose with the ring he’d actually already bought. He literally told me this while we were having a drink and watching a band in a bar. In my shock I told him I would do everything I could to have his children in order to avoid a breakup on our date night. Thank the sweet baby Jesus that he never went through with the proposal because it allowed me to meet my actual soul mate. The man who is right for you is out there and will be thrilled to experience an unencumbered life with you. Have hope! 

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