(Closed) Will it ever happen? Long vent

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Awww… I’m really sorry that you’re feeling so down.  I definitely understand why though… it seems like there’s nothing holding you back from getting married except the proposal, since your parents are paying for the wedding & family members will also be helping financially.  (side note:  Isn’t it great being an only child?  LoL.  I used to hate it, but it comes in handy sometimes.  My mom is helping greatly with paying for our wedding..)

You’re definitely right to worry that he won’t find another job soon after quitting.. the job market is a scary place right now.  Definitely encourage him to line up something else first.  I understand how it feels to work somewhere that you hate though… totally been there… I feel his pain, but it’s not a reason to be financially irresponsible. 

I sincerely hope everything works out for you, doll… look at the bright side.. once the proposal is behind you, it should be smooth sailing since pretty much everything else is lined up… financially, anyway.  A lot of people don’t have that.

Post # 4
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I have to say, I really understand how your Boyfriend or Best Friend feels.

It took me 18 months to find a job after college. I worked menial jobs, never had enough money, and was so demoralized by looking and not getting calls back that I was barely willing to leave the house.

I finally got this job, but even though it pays well, I hate the hours and the work so I think about quitting all the time. It really blows to know you can’t leave because you need the money and you don’t know what else could possibly be out there in this economy.

I wouldn’t really want to get engaged right now either. Its hard to feel good about starting a future when you aren’t even happy with the life you have. You feel like you’d just be adding to a bad situation. I do understand what he’s saying…hopefully this helps you understand too.

Post # 5
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

That must be so frustrating, for both you and your boyfriend! Maybe it’s not an excuse though, maybe he genuinely feels overwhelmed with all of this and paying for the ring is added stress. I like what figment said “its hard to feel good about starting a future when you aren’t even happy with the life you have.” I’m sure he’ll come around soon, when he feels he’s ready to deal with it. My only advice is not to put pressure on him because chances are he already feels enough with work and wanting to quit. I think it’s like that saying that you’ll find love when you stop looking, maybe if you’re not talking about or looking for a proposal it’ll happen (: Besides, you don’t want him to be unhappy and stressed when he proposes! Just hang in there, waiting is so frustrating and I definitely feel your pain. Keep in mind it’s his proposal too, he probably wants it to be perfect for both of you, and just feels like he can’t give you that right now.

Post # 7
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well, then I understand even more how he feels since my guy and I are in a weekend-only situation too.

It feels like this: you work all week, just for those 36 hours on the weekend before you have to go back or he has to go back. It feels like a double life, this life you don’t like, which is the majority, and this life you do, which is the minority. It is hard to focus on the good when you know you’re going back to the bad on Monday morning.

It is really hard to stay up and motivated in that situation. I struggle with this ALL the time. There are a lot of times I think I can’t keep doing it, it’s too hard on the relationship, etc.

He’s just in a really tough position. He’s probably thinking he is not what you’d want in a husband, even though he knows you want to get married, because he’s not happy in his job and his prospects are so uncertain. We have the same problem– we have a blast on the weekends, then we go back to being apart and it seems so much WORSE because of all the fun we had. I’m sure it’s not the cost, it’s just the totality of the situation for him. Especially if you’re both young (sounds it, since he’s just out of grad school) it’s hard to be upbeat when you feel like nothing in your life is guaranteed.

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