(Closed) will my girls not be there ?

posted 4 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 2
6474 posts
Bee Keeper

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mybigfatgreek :  unfortunately this is the risk you take if you choose a destination wedding. There are literally 3 people I would try to travel for for their wedding regardless of cost: my brother, and 2 of my best friends (I am actually attending a wedding of one of them in Australia this year). Otherwise, I would only go if I could comfortably afford it, and/or it was somewhere I really wanted to go.

You need to just accept they might not be able to come and leave it at that; maybe consider having a party back home afterwards for those who can’t make it to Greece. I would also be very careful about judging affordability: yes, accommodation might be more affordable because of family connections, but that doesn’t mean people can afford it, nor does it mean people are obligated to come just because they can. People are free to spend their time and money as they wish. 

Post # 3
2802 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Unfortunately that’s the price you pay for a destination wedding.  You can’t dictate how others spend their money and it’s almost inevitable that people who seem excited initially won’t be able to make it.

Post # 4
7848 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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mybigfatgreek :  I would love to visit Greece, it’s always been on my list. But that doesn’t mean I’d be able to do it even if someone close to me was getting married. The plane tickets alone are a LOT of money. The travel time means it’s not a long wedding weekend, it’s a week commitment at a time of year when I have kids in school and can’t be away from work for a week. Jealousy wouldn’t be one of the first reasons to come to mind…

With all this time for you to save can you subsidize their travel? 

Post # 5
13994 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Even with a discounted hotel, asking someone to travel internationally is a big lift.  Flights are expensive, in-country travel is expensive, food is expensive, hotels are expensive.  Perhaps they don’t have a lot of time off.  There’s a million reasons they might not be able to make it, and jealousy probably isn’t one of them.  You may not be hearing lack of interest or that your wedding is a burden for them, but sadness that they know they can’t afford to participate in the festivities.  I’d be very careful about judging people’s finances. 

You chose a destination wedding, and having fewer people attend is a consequence of that.

Post # 6
739 posts
Busy bee

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mybigfatgreek :  you need to stop shitting on your friends and how ‘they only think about themselves’ and how you aren’t even asking that much.  I’m assuming you are in the US and asking them to travel to Europe for a wedding is a huge expense, both in terms of time and financially.

Jumping to the conclusion that they are jealous of you because they can’t attend your destination wedding is ridiculous and I hope your opinions in this post were just said in the heat of the moment. 

It sucks that the people closest to you will not be there on your wedding day but that is not a reflection of them of your relationship, it’s just the risk you take when having a destination wedding.

Post # 7
1256 posts
Bumble bee

Why would you immediately jump to they’re jealous? Destination weddings aren’t easy for people for a variety of reasons that are not necessarily monetary. I’m sorry you might not have your loved ones there but unfortunately that’s the risk you run by having a destination wedding.

Post # 8
8374 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

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mybigfatgreek :  you need to chill. Your wedding is 16 months out – yes sure, plenty of time for people to save but a Destination Wedding is a big ask, you never know what your friends may want to spend money on/ plan for. Even with discounts it is still a big ask.

Post # 9
551 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

You’re being incredibly selfish and self-centered. Greece is a destination wedding to the extreme. It’s not a quick one-price-covers-all-quick-flight to Mexico. This is a huge distance and cost. You can’t expect people to make it. Maybe pay their way if you do. 

They aren’t jealous. They are annoyed with you for thinking this is a must-do for them. 

Post # 10
343 posts
Helper bee

If there is anyone you think *must* be there, offer to pay their way.

Unfortunately I wouldn’t be able to go to Greece in 2018 even if you were my sister, even if you did pay my way. In my job September is the biggest month of the year and I can’t take off more than a day.   If you were getting married on the other side of the US or in Mexico – then I could swing it – IF you were my sister. 

You should definitely get married when and where you want … but cut your friends some slack. They are probably bummed, too. 

Post # 11
4399 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I hate to burst your bubble, but not being able to afford a trip to Greece is in no way an indication someone is jealous.

Post # 12
1359 posts
Bumble bee

You’re asking a LOT of your guests. International travel isn’t feasible for the majority of people I know, both because of cost and time off.

Just to see, I looked up flights to Greece from my closest metro area for this September. The absolute cheapest for two round trip tickets (with three stops — awful) was $2691 for two of us. Flights alone would be cost prohibitive to us. Add the that September is one of my busiest work months and I have very little PTO, I’d likely have to take unpaid time to go. Then factor in transportation, food, hotel, miscellaneous expenses, a wedding gift, pet care while we were gone, etc….now you’re looking at likely a $6,000+ trip. You could give me all the time in the world to save for that and I don’t think we’d ever allocate money in that way, even for our dearest friends. Hell, we’re totally strapped right now with major house repairs and my best friend’s wedding is in September a 5 hour flight from us. We have scrimped on every tiny thing and will basically be in the state for 24 hours and will be spending over $1500. I’m so happy for her but it’s a huge burden on us. 

Cut your friends some slack. 

Post # 13
4908 posts
Honey bee

Out of curiosity, is September part of the summer months when you go every year?  Beacuse I generally consider September part of fall, not summer. 

If it is not part of the time when you normally go, then are you essentially asking people to make two trips in one year?  Or to postpone what might normally have been a good time to attend later in the season?  Not sure what country you are in normally, but here September is the beginning of the school year.  Are your family members in school or do they have children who would be? 

But yes, even with discounts, a destination wedding is a huge commitment for your guests in both time and money.  People are allowed to have feelings and stress about that. 

Post # 14
976 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

If it’s so cheap and affordable, offer to pay for their travel yourself.

Post # 15
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

The idea of traveling to Greece for a Destination Wedding does sound overwhelming. Not that it doesn’t also sound amazing, but it’s overwhelming. 

DWs in general expect a large a financial buden to a guests wallet. It’s not that your friends and family don’t want to be there for you, but you have to keep in mind that if local, financially they were thinking more along the lines of a bridal shower gift, wedding gift and (maybe) a bridesmaid dress. Not a few additional thousand dollars in costs just to attend. Yes, who doesn’t want a vacation, but when you are being dictated where, when, and how much — well, it doesn’t often sit well.

Your FIs family can help with discount travel and lodging? This is where you start. Price everything out. Create a spreadsheet of options. Airfare can drastically decrease if you get creative. As an example: airfare from my home to Venice Italy is about $1700. If I drive five hours, and cross the border and fly out of Montreal Canada– $550. 3 hour drive and fly from Toronto- $800. Not near Canada. Try looking at flights from hub airports. Figure out the cost of hotels and transportation, and give your guests a solid estimate of cost, and help book if they decide to go. 

Would changing the date of the wedding help? Is September a difficult month for travel? Teachers and parents can’t really just take off during the school year. Its also towards the end of the calendar year, and potentially people may not have the vacation time left to take off. I realize it’s a year out-  but people may have things in mind for their time off already.

At the end of the day, you have chosen a Destination Wedding because that is what is important to you. It’s not selfish to choose to plan the wedding you want, but it is to expect your friends and family to put down an exhorbant amount of money (that they may not have) to be there. You can always have a second reception when you return home (get a videographer!!)

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