Post # 1
This is my first post here and I came to this site for advice on what to do. My fiancee and I have been together 4 years and became engaged last year, setting a date for this June. My Future Sister-In-Law became engaged this past November to her fiancee who she has been with for 8 years. She set her wedding date for 3 weeks after our wedding. My fiancee and I were both upset at first at the choice of dates but decided to let her have her day and keep quiet and not start an issue with the family. We then learned that she booked the same church, local band, chose similar bridesmaids dresses (I mean, the only difference is basically the color- she had seen mine) and now we just learned that she’s booked the same photographer and transportation! I know we don’t have the monopoly on everything wedding but it is so upsetting that she is copying! And now my fiancee’s relatives from out of town -who initally have told us they would be able to be at our wedding- are wanting to make things “fair”and are now trying to decide whose wedding to come to as they can only make it for one of the weddings. I am really pissed but overall, I’m just scared that our weddings will look identical (although we have different venues and color schemes). What would you ladies do? I don’t think I can bite my tongue any longer but I don’t want us to start a family fued. Help please!
Post # 3
WEll, if tthere are out of towners involved, she really should have thought about that before booking her wedding for 3 weeks later, thats pretty weird.. but on the plus side, you’ll save money. the only one of those things i think that matters is that she booked the same band, it’ll be kind of repetative. but photos, transport, whatever.. and church, well those are kind of limited. My advice, don’t worry about it- you have enough to stress about
Post # 4
Focus on the positive…she was engaged after you, is marrying after you, and what will look/appear repetitious will be after yours!
Post # 5
Man! Was she in on most of your planning? If so and her stuff is booked then I wouldn’t worry about it, but I’d be just as angry as you are so it’s hard to say that. If you go ahead with everything and she keeps goin then I would talk to her.
Post # 6
I agree with @melisslp: – since her wedding is after yours, it will be obvious who copied who!
That stinks about some relatives trying to “decide what’s fair” and only go to one. I would hate that, too. I don’t know what you can do about it except hope that the relatives that you most want to be there will be able to make it to yours. :-/
Post # 7
@glaca: Yes, she was aware of all the planning- in hindsight, it was stupidity on our part but she wasn’t even engaged at that time (we had a long engagement to be able to afford our dream wedding so things have been booked for over a year). No one in my FI’s family seems to think that this is a big deal but my family is outraged. Needless to say, we’re on major wedding info lockdown with his family!
Post # 8
I agree with the others; she will be the one who looks like the copycat. But I would also suggest keeping any other plans you have made secret.
Post # 9
I’m sorry. I know this is upsetting to you and I’m trying to be understanding, but I just don’t get the whole copying and being upset about the closeness of dates. Maybe it’s because I have three sisters so things were always copied. Your wedding will be unique because it’s yours; everyone experiences things differently so it’s hard to imagine that, even though the vendors are the same, her wedding will be identical. I will agree it sucks that the family is now choosing sides.
On a personal note: Fiance and I have been engaged for five years, we set the date in September. Everyone has known this date since September. His immediate boss got engaged to a girl he’s been with forever during Christmas. The fifth of this month we received an invitation to their wedding, which happens to be the weekend before ours. I am/was happy for them. I even made a thread about it.
It’ll be ok and your wedding will be beautiful.
Post # 10
I would try getting a discount on the photographer and transportation and things like that. Tell them you referred them! after all it is your Future Sister-In-Law. One good thing can come from this!!!
Post # 11
Maybe if she’s trying to copy you you could tell her “Omg! I just found this like, completely awesome new band!” and give her the info but don’t change your stuff.
Good luck keeping your cool. And yeah, she’ll obviously be the copy cat.
Post # 12
Don’t share any more plans with her!!! Thank God her wedding is after yours!
Better not to stop talking about plans all together, but get her confused, talk about a lot of random stuff, things that are real and others that are just fake thrown in.
Tread carefully at this point. In the end just try to relax and have an awesome time, your energy will set the tone for the day.
Post # 13
Thanks for the support everyone. It’s just disappointing because, as someone said on one of the threads, planning a wedding is like a second full-time job. When you do all this work and my Future Sister-In-Law goes to your vendors and says “My brother, X is getting married and booked you- I want exactly what he booked” (we’ve heard this first-hand) and then acts like nothing is wrong with it and that she did all the work- it’s frustrating! And I’m so glad that our wedding is first. I just really feel for my Fiance because he is just as involved in the wedding as me (somedays more!) and he’s always been put on the “back-burner” by his family and this was the one time that attention would be on him- I know it may sounds immature but they have a long history of doing this to him. I think you’re all correct though- we will make our day unique…and keep our mouths shut to Miss Copycat until then…my teeth may be through my tongue from biting it but I’ll try…lol.
Post # 14
Don’t worry about them being the same. Each wedding has such a different feel to it based on the people who are getting married 🙂
Post # 15
@flygirlusa: Here’s my suggestion, and it’s evil. Could be construed as malicious.
LIE to her. Here’s two options:
Tell her the most horrible, awful ideas possible. and let her do it. She MIGHT figure out what you’re doing and shut up. Maybe.
The other option is to tell her the exact OPPOSITE of what you really want. You want black, tell her white. You want green, tell her yellow. You want blue with lavender, tell her yellow and brown or peach. Just tell her what you DO NOT want and couldn’t stand. That way, when she does it, you can just smile, nod, and gloat to yourself how easy she is to manipulate 😉
As for the vendors, technically they aren’t supposed to tell what other clients are doing without previous consent (I think). You could also warn them and tell them to NOT give out any details and put that in the contracts, if you have to. I’d personally go this route, just to spite her.
so, so sorry you’ve gotta go through this. good luck and I’m sure when people go to her wedding, they’ll realize she copied you two. 🙂
Post # 16
Your wedding will be first…so she will look like the one that’s copying. I wouldn’t worry too much about it ! Focus on your own wedding. I wouldn’t give her any more details though… keep the planning to yourself and your Fiance.