Post # 1
I know there must be other Worriers on here, where if there is no real problem you will create one to fret about…!
When we first started wedding planning my FI and I agreed that a) we have a small budget b) a wedding is nice, but it’s just a party and c) a nice honeymoon is just as important to starting our marriage as throwing a party. We’ve never been on more than a 4-day vacation together because of money.
So, we agreed to try to budget $10k, of which 5k was for wedding and 5k for honeymoon, with the understanding that if it was totally impossible to do a nice wedding on 5k we’d have to dip into the honeymoon fund. Well, I’m kind of amazed but I think we will actually stay pretty on budget for the wedding! We’re having a Sunday afternoon reception with a nice lunch, beer/wine, and cake. We did a lot of research to find a reasonable venue and caterer. I also did a ton of price watching online and scored us an awesome deal on airfare, so our dream honeymoon is really happening – we’re going to Turkey for 2 weeks!
So of course with our good fortune, now I’m worried… worried that we’ve been telling our friends/family that we were on a tight budget and now we’re going to announce that we’re going to Europe for 2 weeks? Are people going to think we’re greedy for shelling out for the honeymoon but not the Saturday night, open bar, party extravaganza?
And then, I’d been planning on doing a Honeyfund because I think they’re cute and I’d rather buy someone a night at a cool hotel than a toaster… but now I worry again that we’ll look greedy for not doing a “splurge” wedding and THEN asking people to help pay for our fancy honeymoon. We budgeted the money so that we CAN pay for it all ourselves, but, it’d be lovely to save that money too!
FI thinks I’m being silly to worry and of course our family/friends will just be happy that we can afford to take an awesome honeymoon. What do you think?
Post # 3
Are you having good food, drinks, and fun at your wedding? Will people have a place to sit? If the answers are yes, you’re treating your guests well and shouldn’t worry about that aspect.
However, I think Honeyfunds are tacky. Yes, I realize some people like them, but I think it’s rude to ask people to pay for your honeymoon. I think that it might be perceived as greedy because you planned such an elaborate honeymoon as it is.
Post # 4
@batbrain: Nothing wrong with spending and planning your wedding to your needs. If anyone judges your wedding then shame on them! I am having a budget wedding! I spent money on things that were important to me.
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat
The way I see it, people can buy gifts or they can contribute to the honeymoon. We spun it as the simple fact that we do not need or have any more room for “stuff” and what we do need is a vacation away together.
Weddings don’t have to be a Saturday night, open bar extravaganza. It sounds like your wedding is going to be a great time! We are having a Saturday night wedding with a big menu but we aren’t having an open bar. We can’t afford it. My FMIL was glad that we decided against an open bar because apparently, so much booze gets wasted or forgotten on tables when you haven’t paid for your drink.
Kudos to you for finding such amazing deals. It isn’t easy and it’s a lot of work!
Post # 6
I think the honeyfund definitely takes you into cheap territory. I’d feel like you had a low budget wedding & a fancy honeymoon ok to each their own. But then asking guest to give splurges is tacky & makes you look cheap. That’s imo.
Post # 7
I would never resent my friends for choosing to take an amazing vacation together and having a less extravagant wedding. Only a bunch of selfish jerks would feel slighted or robbed. Don’t worry about it. Just enjoy it all.
Post # 8
Oh yes, please don’t take my comment about having “dinner, drinks, and fun” as saying it has to be some Saturday night party atmosphere with a bar. I meant, like, can people eat, drink beverages (non-alcoholic or alcoholic), mingle, maybe dance, have fun… even a punch and cake reception is perfectly acceptable.
Post # 9
There’s nothing wrong with having a budget wedding. Your friends and family should not judge your choices. I would probably not do a Honeyfund though, just as some people find those to be in poor taste.
Post # 10
@batbrain: I’m tending to agree with @MsSparklyBee. I really really don’t think that spending 5K on the wedding and 5K on the honeymoon is cheap – that’s just allocating your budget to what you wanted to spend it on.
But, if you’ve been talking about how you’re on a budget (I think this is key), etc., and then taking a nice honeymoon, and then asking for money for a honeyfund, it could come off as cheap to some people. Could you have a small registry? People are more likely to then take that as a sign that you would prefer cash – which is essentially what they’re giving you through the honeyfund, because AFAIK you’re not restricted by the items they “buy” from the honeyfund. Disclaimer: I dislike honeyfunds in general, so clearly I’m biased!
Post # 11
If you allocated half of your budget to your honeymoon already, don’t set up a website asking your guests to fund your honeymoon. People who want to give physical gifts will give physical gifts — whether that is something off a registry you create or something that they think you just have to have (and then you have to try to return to the store). People who want to give cash will give cash.
Post # 12
I think the wedding and honeymoon is just fine. No one is going to say you should skimp on the honeymoon and trip of a lifetime to have a “better” bigger wedding, but I wouldn’t do the honeyfund. If you’ve budgeted enough for the honeymoon, graciously accept the toaster (and hope for a good exchange policy if you really don’t want it) or just hope that people will give cash, but don’t ask for it.
Post # 13
I don’t think people will judge you for the type of reception you have. Personally I couldn’t care less what couples choose to do for their honeymoon-that’s all about them. I would never resent you for managing your money well enough to have a 2 week honeymoon in Turkey.
I’m a bit old fashioned though, in that I’m not a fan of HoneyFunds. I still believe that wedding gifts are to help a couple get started in their married life together. I still prefer to buy a physical gift rather than give a cheque or cash. That way I know my gift is a gift-it doesn’t go to pay for over budget wedding expenses.
I’m sure you know better than I what is considered acceptable in your social circle.
Post # 14
I wouldn’t be offended by a modest wedding and an extravagant honeymoon, but I don’t like honeyfunds in general so wouldn’t do one. Just don’t register anywhere and people will get the hint that cash gifts are preferred.
Post # 15
People will not think you’re cheap. If that’s what they’re thinking about at your wedding, screw them. The expectation of spending tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding is one of the more ridiculous things going on in society these days.
We are having pretty much everything we want, and are doing it for under $10,000. And we were originally trying to stick to $5,000, and I think we will be pretty close.
On the honeyfund, just have it as one option for your gift registry. We have one, but we are also registered at Macy’s, Hudson Bay, Home Outfitters, and Williams Sonoma.
Post # 16
I agree with other PPs. No one will be upset with a well-planned budget wedding and knowing that you are taking an expensive vacation. However, asking people to help pay for your expensive vacation might come across poorly to some.
If you are set on the honey fund, I would recommend also having a gift registry for those who prefer to give boxed gifts.