(Closed) Will people think we're cheap?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Are you having good food, drinks, and fun at your wedding?  Will people have a place to sit?  If the answers are yes, you’re treating your guests well and shouldn’t worry about that aspect.

However, I think Honeyfunds are tacky.  Yes, I realize some people like them, but I think it’s rude to ask people to pay for your honeymoon.  I think that it might be perceived as greedy because you planned such an elaborate honeymoon as it is.  

Post # 4
Member
2443 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@batbrain:  Nothing wrong with spending and planning your wedding to your needs. If anyone judges your wedding then shame on them! I am having a budget wedding! I spent money on things that were important to me.

Post # 5
Member
3297 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

The way I see it, people can buy gifts or they can contribute to the honeymoon. We spun it as the simple fact that we do not need or have any more room for “stuff” and what we do need is a vacation away together.

 

Weddings don’t have to be a Saturday night, open bar extravaganza. It sounds like your wedding is going to be a great time! We are having a Saturday night wedding with a big menu but we aren’t having an open bar. We can’t afford it. My FMIL was glad that we decided against an open bar because apparently, so much booze gets wasted or forgotten on tables when you haven’t paid for your drink.

 

Kudos to you for finding such amazing deals. It isn’t easy and it’s a lot of work!

Post # 6
Member
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think the honeyfund definitely takes you into cheap territory.  I’d feel like you had a low budget wedding & a fancy honeymoon ok to each their own. But then asking guest to give splurges is tacky & makes you look cheap. That’s imo.

Post # 7
Member
2270 posts
Buzzing bee

I would never resent my friends for choosing to take an amazing vacation together and having a less extravagant wedding. Only a bunch of selfish jerks would feel slighted or robbed. Don’t worry about it. Just enjoy it all. 

Post # 8
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@sherryberry:  +1

Oh yes, please don’t take my comment about having “dinner, drinks, and fun” as saying it has to be some Saturday night party atmosphere with a bar.  I meant, like, can people eat, drink beverages (non-alcoholic or alcoholic), mingle, maybe dance, have fun… even a punch and cake reception is perfectly acceptable.

Post # 9
Hostess
7564 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

There’s nothing wrong with having a budget wedding. Your friends and family should not judge your choices. I would probably not do a Honeyfund though, just as some people find those to be in poor taste.

Post # 10
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@batbrain:  I’m tending to agree with @MsSparklyBee. I really really don’t think that spending 5K on the wedding and 5K on the honeymoon is cheap – that’s just allocating your budget to what you wanted to spend it on.

But, if you’ve been talking about how you’re on a budget (I think this is key), etc., and then taking a nice honeymoon, and then asking for money for a honeyfund, it could come off as cheap to some people. Could you have a small registry? People are more likely to then take that as a sign that you would prefer cash – which is essentially what they’re giving you through the honeyfund, because AFAIK you’re not restricted by the items they “buy” from the honeyfund. Disclaimer: I dislike honeyfunds in general, so clearly I’m biased!

Post # 11
Member
3723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MsSparklyBee:  +1

If you allocated half of your budget to your honeymoon already, don’t set up a website asking your guests to fund your honeymoon. People who want to give physical gifts will give physical gifts — whether that is something off a registry you create or something that they think you just have to have (and then you have to try to return to the store). People who want to give cash will give cash.

Post # 12
Member
14067 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think the wedding and honeymoon is just fine.  No one is going to say you should skimp on the honeymoon and trip of a lifetime to have a “better” bigger wedding, but I wouldn’t do the honeyfund.  If you’ve budgeted enough for the honeymoon, graciously accept the toaster (and hope for a good exchange policy if you really don’t want it) or just hope that people will give cash, but don’t ask for it.

Post # 13
Member
45642 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think people will judge you for the type of reception you have. Personally I couldn’t care less what couples choose to do for their honeymoon-that’s all about them. I would never resent you for managing your money well enough to have a 2 week honeymoon in Turkey.

 

I’m a bit old fashioned though, in that I’m not a fan of HoneyFunds. I still believe that wedding gifts are to help a couple get started in their married life together. I still prefer to buy a physical gift rather than give a cheque or cash. That way I know my gift is a gift-it doesn’t go to pay for over budget wedding expenses.

 

I’m sure you know better than I what is considered acceptable in your social circle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 14
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I wouldn’t be offended by a modest wedding and an extravagant honeymoon, but I don’t like honeyfunds in general so wouldn’t do one.  Just don’t register anywhere and people will get the hint that cash gifts are preferred. 

 

Post # 15
Member
3260 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

People will not think you’re cheap.  If that’s what they’re thinking about at your wedding, screw them.  The expectation of spending tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding is one of the more ridiculous things going on in society these days.

We are having pretty much everything we want, and are doing it for under $10,000.  And we were originally trying to stick to $5,000, and I think we will be pretty close.

On the honeyfund, just have it as one option for your gift registry.  We have one, but we are also registered at Macy’s, Hudson Bay, Home Outfitters, and Williams Sonoma.

 

Post # 16
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree with other PPs. No one will be upset with a well-planned budget wedding and knowing that you are taking an expensive vacation. However, asking people to help pay for your expensive vacation might come across poorly to some.

If you are set on the honey fund, I would recommend also having a gift registry for those who prefer to give boxed gifts.

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