(Closed) Will still be waiting for a while, but I know where his head’s at…….

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

It would upset me that having a child together isn’t enough of a reason. I’m not saying that it should be the only reason and I am not for the “shotgun” wedding, but it does sound like to me that he is no where even close to ready and is just making excuses.

Post # 4
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m so sorry to hear that news.  I just don’t understand why men think that way.  I think my SO thinks that too.  They are just too comfortable.  If nothing is going to change then whats the hold up.  I could understand if he thought everything would change.  The point of marriage is to make a vow to your SO and pledge your commintment.  What is so hard about that?  I feel your pain girl and wish I could give you an answer but I’m in the same boat.  At least he has thought about it a little and wants the wedding to be just family.  That is a step in the right direction!

Post # 5
Member
7455 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

I am also amazed at how many couples have children together & these men somehow can’t get motivated toward marriage.

It must be an age thing.  Babies followed by a marriage someday seems a bit backwards to me.

Post # 6
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

You never know when it may come. He probably does support your family, but not to the extent HE wants. You know how men are. 🙂

I can give you some hope though. My friend dated her husband and had their son and got engaged/married when he was 3, after saying the same thing your SO said. In fact, he was a Stay-At-Home Dad after he graduated because he couldn’t find a job. Once he did get a job, they got married. 🙂

A just family wedding sounds wonderful too. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

*hugs*

Post # 8
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

@Wonderwoman217: When you said “…I feel like it’s even further away than I thought it might be. And that makes me sad. The pessimist in me feels like it might take ten years for him to feel ready, and I don’t know how I feel about that. I do know I wanna cry though. But I’m holding it in, because he’s in the next room, playing computer games” I wanted to cry because that is EXACTLY how I feel (difference circumstance though).

I understand how painful it is, and the fear/anxiety of feeling like you can’t bring it up again. I don’t know what’s with men sometimes. I have to wonder how they’d feel if they stepped into our shoes for a little while. Best we can do is love the big lug and wait or say “enough is enough” and move on (which, lets face it, none of us want to do).

Big hugs to you.

Post # 10
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I definitely think you should let him know how you feel about it.  I can’t stand it when men say that it won’t “change” anything.  Those Xbox games you bought last week didn’t “change” anything either.. but it was something that you wanted & it made you happy.  LoL, hate to break marriage down to the level of a video game, but with men you have to go there sometimes.  To me, it should be enough knowing that it’s something that his lady really wants and will make her unbelievably happy.

I’m with you.. his reasoning sounds an awful lot like BS.  I know you said that you know you’d never say that out loud to him, but I would… LoL.  I’ve had too many people walk all over me in the past though… as a part of my new “me” I make my feelings clearly known in my relationship… even if I’m too emotional or embarassed or whatever to say it out loud, I’ll leave a note or even e-mail.  Gotta make your thoughts & feelings known for them to count.  Men don’t read minds.. and if you don’t tell them, they either assume everything is copasetic or just don’t care to delve any deeper to find out what you’re really thinking.

I hope it all works out for ya, hunn.  You seem like a sweet chick & you deserve the desires of your heart…

Post # 12
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m VERY glad that you guys had a talk to get all of the feelings out there.  Nothing’s worse than being in a relationship and holding back your feelings.  I’ve done that a lot in previous relationships and it always made me feel so awful… it made everything bad in my life feel even worse.  So when I headed into my current relationship, I decided to do things completely differently and it’s made a WORLD of difference.

But anyway, enough about me, I am very proud of you for opening this convo with your SO!  Sounds like you got a LOT accomplished.  Even though you had to agree to disagree for now, at least he knows where you stand.  It’s also good to hear that you think his Dad will be on your side! Sounds like a VERY promising angle.

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