Post # 1
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
Hi bees! For those of you who have read my past posts, you know all about how my parents hate my boyfriend of 1 year, 8 months.
By now, I’ve stood up for myself. Bf and I are really happy– we don’t fight any more and I stopped caring what my parents think. Bf is understandably sad that my parents don’t like him but I haven’t budged or given them an inch. I don’t doubt myself in telling them they are wrong. I realized that anything I do that isn’t with them, they take as an attack on them when it’s just me living my life.
Anyone who’s been through this– did your parents ever come around? How long did it take? Mine harbor significant hate, for illogical reasons, and refuse to see what is actually going on, to give you some background.
Thank you!!
only if you need an example of the parental pettiness, otherwise skip-
[[they are angry that last week, because I had a change in work schedule, I almost wasn’t able to drive mom in for an outpatient surgery. Definitely an inconvenient trip logistically but I wanted to be there for my mom. Two days before her surgery, I found out I was required to be at work at 6:30am the day of her surgery, for an extremely important patient case. I still offered to drive her, but suggested we leave extra early in the morning. If I could get her there by 6 for her 730am surgery, I could make it to work by 630. She thought that was too early, which it is, so I asked my manager to cover this patient at an ungodly hour. Luckily manager said yes and was able to cover, but my mom thinks I made up the work conflict so that I wouldn’t have to drive her. I never once said I would not drive, only that the time we needed to leave would have to be earlier, and also it was definitely all true… wtf….. just an example. they’ve used that to paint me as a superbitch over the past week and did the same thing for my dentist appointment tomorrow night, at 7pm, 30 mins from family home but 1 hour away from my house, and I once again need to be at work early on Thursday. I cant visit to spend a couple hours Wednesday night… also mom blamed it on bf, who she (insanely) believes has now scheduled my dentist appointment so that I cannot make it to visit her. ]]
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This topic was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by
koalaboo.
Post # 2
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
Stop telling your parents everything about your love life. Stop giving them information to make their assumptions off of. I went through your old posts and you state that your parents don’t like your boyfriend because of various things you’ve told them (moving in, not getting flowers, seeing a movie, getting baking materials), so stop talking to your parents about him.
You can’t force your parents (or anybody) to like your boyfriend, but you can stop giving them fuel to keep their fire going.
Post # 3
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
futurebrideesq: I’ve stopped! Now they bring him up randomly and try to turn everything into a “you should dump him” conversation. I was talking about my dentist appointment with my mom, zero mention of boyfriend, and she turned it into a bash-bf rant (there’s literally no link between the two for her to do that). I didnt let it affect me, but still, just shows that her opinion isn’t changing.
Also I don’t take part in her arguing. I just tell her to save it for when we see the family therapist next week (for the first time… this poor therapist has no idea what’s coming haha) because I’m not having the same conversation or fight again. Convo ended.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by koalaboo.
Post # 4
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
- Wedding: November 2016 - New Orleans, LA
koalaboo: I’m confused about why your parents know about a dentist appointment. Do they work at the office? If not, why do they need to have that information? If they are this petty and uneasonable, I would tell them the least amount of information as possible! If they don’t like him based off the information you are offering, then stop offering it. Not saying it is your fault for them hating your boyfriend but if he is a genuinely good person and your parents have some weird vendetta against him, then just keep it on a need-to-know basis. If they keep bringing it up, ignore and change the topic. If they don’t get it, that’s their own problem.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by caritcake.
Post # 5
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
caritcake: they asked if I wanted to come over for dinner and I said I have the appointment at 7. Before this morning they didnt know and werent going to.
Post # 6
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
Honestly, if this is as big an issue as you mentioned, next time you are with your parent/s and they say something negative out of nowhere about your SO, just tell them that the next time they do that. you will just walk away. Make sure they understand that they are not allowed to act this way unwarranted. Tell them you refuse to listen to it and to respect your wishes, or you will avoid them altogether. Then stick to that! If she says something, get up and walk away! Eventually they will get the clue and stop their petty behavior.