Post # 1
Well after I don’t know how many weeks I still can’t resolve that issue about my husband/fiance baptism…I’m starting to be unsure of weather or not I’ll be able to marry in the Catholic church.
We got married on a courthouse because we thought things would be like in every country and that we wouldn’t have a problem getting married in the church later. I approached the pastor of our church, who is also latinamerican and he told us the first thing we had to do was to get my husband baptized. We want to get married in Mexico and in order for us to do that, we need our baptism cerificates. I have mine, I am catholic, he’s not baptised.
So we started going to the RCIA classes. After some weeks, another priest told us in a very unkind way that my husband couldn’t receive the baptism because we were married outside the church. I talked to the pastor again and he said that he would arrange something, that we shouldn’t worry and that my husband would be able to be baptised and we will be able to get married in my hometown in Mexico.
We thought that everything would be ok and that the priest would take care of it, but he hasn’t had the time to deal with our situation. He always tell me don’t worry, but now he says he needs to ask permission to make an exception to baptise him, and that if it doesn’t work out, he can get baptised in Mexico. I suspect they won’t give him that permission.
He told me this yesterday before the RCIA class started and at the very same time, the deacon of the parrish was telling my husband that he couldn’t join the church, that they couldn’t admit him or welcome him (!!!) I’m sorry, but that made me angry, who is he to say such thing?? And I also felt so hurt about those words, my husband really wants to join the church, he works hard, he reads a lot about the faith, he’s happy that he’s becoming a catholic. And I just feel that they are being very unwelcoming. I’m already catholic and I feel unwelcomed too 🙁
Post # 3
There is no reason that your husband can’t be baptised. Many adults who have been married later decide to join the church and there is no problem baptising them. Marriage has nothing to do with becoming a member of the Catholic church. I think it might be time to find a different church if yours is being so troublesome.
Post # 4
What you are seeking is called a convalidation. I’m not an expert, but as far as I’m aware, your husband should NOT have to get baptised for you to convalidate your marriage.
I recommend calling the bishop’s office of your diocese. They will be able to give you the RIGHT information, and find a priest who is willing to work with you. Please find your diocese’s website and call their office. The priest is not the right person to be asking in this case.
Post # 5
Your husband does not need to get baptized first to have a convalidation (though if you want to receive the sacrament of marriage, that is only for people who are baptized. Either way it’s still valid.) Being married will not prevent him from getting baptized.
I’m really sorry you had that experience. Keep praying and keep the faith. It will work out! God won’t turn people away.
Post # 6
You were answered in detail here:
Some rules don’t make any sense?! Yes, vent.
What do you not understand from that discussion?
Post # 7
@CatholicBee: I don’t get the impression that OP didn’t understand the previous discussion. It sounds like the priest she talked to (as mentioned in the previous post) hasn’t made any progress on their case, and that she’s starting to feel frustrated.
@aguilpul: Please do call your diocese office to get this squared away. They are used to handling situations like yours and will be able to give you straight answers.
Post # 8
If its such an issue with that preist, go to another catholic church. I’m sure you can join another catholic parish with a priest excited to a non-catholic a catholic, unite a marriage in the catholic church, and have new parish members! :o)
Post # 9
My parents got married in a civil ceremony, then my dad got baptized and became Catholic, then they had a “blessing ceremony.” I know it sounds skeevy, but you could always have him baptized in another Christian church. The Catholic church recognizes any Christian baptisim, as long as you have the certificate. (I checked b/c my Fiance was baptized at a non-Catholic church, but the priest said it was okay as long as he was baptized)
Post # 10
My extended family is Catholic and so is Fi & his family. I was never baptised and I understand how frustrating it can be when the church seems so unwelcoming and when another person gets to judge your faith. From what I’ve found, it really depends on the specific priest/parrish you are working with. I’d follow up with the priest from your home town and consider looking into other Catholic churches in your area.
I know how hurtful and frustrating the “rules” of Catholicism can be…try not to let these issues with a church interfere with your faith and your relationship with God. I’m actually reconsidering whether I want to be baptized Catholic and am considering looking into the Episcopalian churches in my area.
Post # 11
Thank you all for your answers!!
Well, I did talk to the pastor of my parrish today, after what the deacon said and we got things straight. The thing is that in Latin America, as far as we know, there is no convalidation. Why? Because we have to get married on a civil ceremony anyway, so basically we marry outside and inside the church.
Yesterday I talked on the phone with the priest who is going to marry us in Mexico and told me that (in our culture) a marriage is not valid if the person is not baptized or has a dispensation.
So, in the end, we’re going to talk to our diosesis in the US and tell them about our case. We were reading yesterday that John Paul II said that when it comes to convalidation, they have to review case by case. I’m hoping they do that with our case too. If they give us permission to marry, my husband and I are willing to live as brother and sister until our wedding at the Church.
I really hope they are open. I come from another culture and I don’t know all the rules here. Sometimes I feel judged because of that…
Yes, I did understand what you said in your last answer. But the people in my parrish told me one thing and later told me another, and like jenbrandner said they wouldn’t make any progress and they even told my husband/fiance that they wouldn’t receive him in the Church.