(Closed) will you be my faux bridesmaid?

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2005 - Westside Loft, New York

i definitely wouldn’t be offended.  the bride and groom at a wedding mr. bee and i attended two years ago did something similar to what you’re thinking.  they had their siblings be their official bridesmaids/groomsmen. then they gave their honorary bridesmaids orange pashminas to wear, and the honorary groomsmen all wore khaki pants with navy blazers.

http://www.weddingbee.com/2006/09/21/hm-the-ceremony/

Post # 4
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

In my humble opinion I would not do this.  Your friends can attend your bridal events, be in pictures, without having to pledge their help to you.  I think instead of asking, you should let them offer. I know your intention is to have them near, but they can be near without imposing on them.  

Post # 5
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Ah "honorary bridesmaid" is much better than "faux bridesmaid"!

I would totally understand if a friend only wanted to have family up there.  The one tricky thing is, does your Fiance want to pick groomsmen?  If he doesn’t, then the honorary bridesmaid idea probably wouldn’t work…

Post # 6
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

This is a great idea!  I would totally understand if I was a close friend of yours, and I would want to help out with everything even if I couldn’t stand at the ceremony.  Standing at the ceremony is just a small part of it all.  Plus, you could still have photos of them, your "faux" bridal party!  How cute is that??  I wouldn’t feel imposed upon at all, in fact I expect my bestest of best friends to have the same dilemma!  I like Mrs. Bee’s suggestion that they wear something different than the bridal party, but matching each other.  They are your closest friends, afterall, so being there for you should be a treat!

Post # 7
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

IMO, I don’t like the idea too much.   I see a Bridal Party as the people you are recognizing, because you are close to them AND who are busting their butts, (hopefully) to help you get ready for/on your wedding day.   It doesn’t sound wonderful to ask them to do work like planning your shower and bach party (which often means they shell out money) and help you get ready.  You really shouldn’t be asking people to throw you a shower anyway.  (Although I don’t really think you quite meant that you’d simply ask them to throw you a shower.)  And yet they don’t get that honor of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  A corsage is nice, as is mention in the program, but it is a sad alternative to being honored as a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

You mentioned that these girls were expecting to be BMs.  That makes it much worse, IMO.  If they are really looking forward to it, I think that asking them to do the duties, but saying I really can’t recognize you properly, is not going to go over well.  But you’re the only one who knows them well enough to know how they might react.  If they weren’t looking forward to being BMs, and didn’t care, they’d probably be happy to help out.  But it sounds like, even if they do agree to help you, they will be really hurt (maybe more so than if you just let things be.)

You said you’d loke them to be BMs.  They seems to want to be BMs.  I think the easiest solution, is to find a way to make them BMs.  I bet if you tried you could squish 6 girls at the ceremony somehow. 

Post # 8
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’ve been an honorary Bridesmaid or Best Man before, and my FI’s been an honorary Groomsmen. I see nothing wrong with that. It tells these people that you love them enough to include them. Just explain what you said about having to have family stand up with you and your limited space. You can ask them to wear any black dress of their choosing and give them matching corsages to set them apart from the crowd. They can walk in after the guests, but before the BMs and sit in the first or second row. I wouldn’t expect them to do as much helping as I would the "real" BMs, out of courtesy and respect for their feelings, but inviting them to all the lunches, dinners, parties, and to be in pics is an exellent way to make them feel included. Personally, I was thankful to be a special part of my friend’s day and not have to buy the dress.

Post # 9
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2009 - Byodo-In Temple, Luau Reception

If they are really great friends of yours, then they are going to want to be there for you anyways, reguardless of what the title is.

Mr. Sushi and I are not even having a bridal party, but I still wanted my bestests to be there. They totally understood why we’re not having a bridal party (none of the mister’s friends were able to make it to our Destination Wedding and it didn’t seem fair for me to have girls standing next to me and no one next to him so we exed out the whole idea) and wanted to be there for me too. One of my friends wanted to be a bridesmaid sooo bad that she and our other best friend went shopping together to find similar dresses, they will be my honerary bridemaids.

Post # 10
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Frankly, I hate being a bridesmaid – I know that sounds horrible, but it’s true. However, on more than one occassion I’ve been asked by friends to help out with special wedding things or be there when she is getting ready, and it’s great. I felt very special and important- but I didn’t have to buy an ugly dress or spend time with the groom’s sister who I’ve never met before. I think it will be fine (and maybe even a relief!) to tell your friends that you’re only asking family to be in the bridal party, but that you would love for them to help you get ready and keep you sane the morning of the wedding. No special gifts or outfits are necessary!

Post # 11
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

This is EXACTLY what we’re doing.  My four closest girlfriends have been absolutely indispensable in helping me plan, but we’re only having family in the ceremony. My girls are invited to the "events," but don’t have to buy dresses, etc.  I’m buying them each something special for the tremendous amount of work they’ve put in as a thanks, but it’s not matchy-matchy or typical. 

I wanted my girls to feel special and a part of my day, and they’re even putting together the slumber party the night before for me–and they’ll all be there to help out the morning of.

I think it’s a great idea.

Post # 12
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

There is a Southern tradition that addresses this, but I can’t remember the name.  Basically the bride’s close friends who are not bridesmaids are still asked to be part of the ??? party.  (Maybe the Hostess Party? Help me Southern brides..) They help the bride the day of the wedding with getting ready or setting up and are usually given a corsage or something to signal that they are part of the group.  (Much like Ushers are close friends or family but not Groomsmen.) 

I personally would prefer to be part of that because it means that I get to help with all the things that I like (throwing the shower and other parties, helping the bride get ready, helping set up) but not have the extra expense or hassle of purchasing the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress (and shoes and hairdo and makeup…)

Post # 13
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

hmmm..i’m a southern bride, and i would probably call them Hostesses, but that seems so…Ruby Tuesday’s or Olive Garden employee….

Post # 14
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee

in the S this can be called a "house party"

Post # 15
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I went to a wedding that had what I think they called the "house party" or something like that. Those ladies all wore black dresses of their choosing and they got to sit up in the first or second row with the families.

I think they were all really honored to play a role, so I wouldn’t hesitate to do it, especially since you just have your siblings standup with you. 

Just make sure to tell them in a special way that conveys that it is an honor. I sent my bridesmaids flowers with personal notes explaining why I want them to be part of my day and asking if they would do it. 

Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@stine_white: The House Pary, and yes, it’s super common in the South.

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