Post # 1
My fiance informed me that he can’t afford to contribute to the wedding. He will only be paying for my ring and the honeymoon. I understand that is tradition but living in the modern world I always thought wedding costs would be shared.
It is not that I cant afford it, but Im just frustrated paying around 20-25k for a wedding all by myself. He did offer to take out a loan to contribute to the wedding. But after we get married it will be my loan and I dont believe in loans and credit so I told him to not do it.
I hadnt realized how little he makes until after we got engaged. I understand that he makes very little because he is in the military and I make at least 3 times what he makes. Am I being superficial or should I be genuinly concerned.
Anybody else in a similar situation?
Post # 3
I make more than FI and we originally planned to follow tradition where he is paying for the honeymoon. He paid for the rings. My parents and I pretty much split everything else. They are paying for the venue (approx $9500) and I’m paying for the other things (around $8k).
FI paid for all of the paper things (invitations, save-the-dates, postage,etc), and a huge chunk of the photography and florist bill. When I put in the deposits, and didn’t have a lot of extra spending money, FI supported me in other ways by buying some of the things I needed for daily life, and taking care of some of my car needs. Little things here and there. But when he managed his money so that he could pay for big things, he did so.
Post # 4
I would only be concerned if you want to stay home and raise your children yourself. But, if it doesn’t become a situation where he needs to be the primary provider, no worries!
Post # 5
I would be concerned if that was his approach to all of your shared expenses. It would certainly bother me if my spouse told me that. I did pay a bigger share of the wedding expenses, because I make more and my husband spent a lot on my engagement ring, but he still made a significant contribution.
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I’d be more concerned that you didn’t even know how much money he makes. You two are going to share a life together – what else don’t you know about him? How long have you been together? Obviously there’s not much info to go off, but it seems a little rushed to me. My 2 cents….
Post # 7
@travelingbee: I make slightly more than my FI, however I have more debt (student loans). It’s both our wedding, so we each put in as much as we can comfortably afford each paycheck. I put in about 1-1,200 a month and he puts in 1,500 a month. Works for us.
Post # 8
My FI is willing to help but unable to contribute much. He makes much less. My parents and I are putting in about $60k of it and he will be paying for the honeymoon (about $10-11k) and Some other smaller expenses. I’m buying our bands.
Post # 9
I paid for everything for the wedding except our wedding bands and cake. Cake was a gift from in-laws, and DH paid for rings. DH makes considerably less than me, and has very little savings.
We had a low budget wedding because I didn’t want to take out loans for a wedding. DH offered to, but I just couldn’t do it.
In the end, I loved my low budget wedding. And while it was a little more stressful during the six months of planning, it’s a lot less stressful afterwards. What if there was something I didn’t like? I’d regret it every month that I made a loan payment.
Post # 10
Hmm…that’s tricky since it is tradition that the woman and her family pay. That said, I’m modern too and hear you on wanting him to contribute too. He is contributing where he can by buying your ring and paying for the honeymoon. If you are truly troubled by the cost, perhaps just do a less expensive wedding?
If you can afford it without hurting your own financial situation (liquidating savings or going into debt), then try not to give it too much thought. Finances can change in a blink. When we were first engaged my fiance was making considerably less than me and I worried at times about that. Right before we got married he got a huge promotion that increased his salary by $20k+ and he is always looking for ways to increase his earnings and be a good provider. Ironicaly, now my job is in jeopordy, so it is possible that soon he will be making much more than me. My point is – you fell in love with HIM, not his salary. If his heart is good, he’s a hard worker, and he’s the right guy, the money stuff will work itself out, don’t worry 🙂 Good luck with it!
Post # 11
It’s quite simple. If he can’t, he can’t. If this bothers you, ask him exactly how much he can pay, match the amount, and have a smaller wedding.
Post # 12
@travelingbee: tradition is that the brides *family* pays but the bride herself is a stay at home wife. Not that the bride works her a$$ off and pays for the wedding herself. I’d be really mad at my FH if he said this and question what kind of partner he’d be, honestly!
Edited to add: not the fact that he makes less, just the fact that he said nope, not contributing. What about a longer engagement to save or a smaller wedding and share the cost?
Post # 13
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
We never approached it as “your money/my money” in the first place. As an engaged couple, it was all “our money” and the only question was which accounts would be used. So it really didn’t matter who earned more or less because it was all shared resources.
The only thing I would be concerned with here is your lack of knowledge about such important information. Before you start planning a wedding, you both need to lay all of your cards on the table, financial, emotional, logistical, etc. This sort of big thing should not come as an unwelcome surprise.
Post # 14
@travelingbee: Since you’re going to be married and he only said “I cannot help with the wedding,” I’d say it’s time to sit down and look his actual income and his actual expenses. It’s time now. We did all of this before we got engaged, but I think you now get to see all the numbers. Maybe you can help him cut uncessary expenses so he can save (he should be saving regardless!).
So with that said, has he shared his income and expenses?
Now’s the time to share all the accounts you each own, debts, etc.
Get all the emoney talks out now – how do you want to deal with kids, colleges, retirement, vacations, house buying. Just get a big picture and see where you each stand! Uncover it all.
Post # 15
- Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club
My FI makes significantly less then me too. We decided to split items instead of budget. So he is paying for all the groomy things and things that he has opinions about.
Definately talk about finances now. It’s a difficult subject that causes a lot of devorces unfortunately.
Post # 16
@travelingbee: Wait- why does it have to be a 20-25k wedding? Did you already make arrangements to have specific vendors? That would frustrate me too, if I had to fork over that much alone. I’d probably want to budget!