(Closed) Will you force your child(ren)to college?

posted 7 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Will you force them?

    Yes (why)

    No (why)

    My having gone to college sways this

    My having gone to college does not sway this

    Other (comment!)

    My having NOT gone to college sways this

    My having NOT gone to college does not sway this

  • Post # 17
    5540 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2011

    If by college you mean a four year degree,  no. But they will have some kind of post high school education. And they will have the same deal I had with my parents. We will pay for school, school related costs, a reasonable car/gas,  help with rent and stuff as long as they are in school focused on school, but will not continue to pay if they decide to blow off classes and party or whatever. I think higher education is SO important,  but that doesn’t look the same for everyone. I went to a four year college,  and graduated,  soon to be back for a masters. Dh is in tech schol now after realizing the three years of traditional college his parents forced him through were not at all what he wanted. 

    Post # 18
    1332 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @MrsPaperFlowers:  I will try to force our children to further their education, post high school – away from home tool!!  It can be getting skilled in a trade, or a degree of some sort.  I think it is really important!

    My mother forced us to go ‘away’ for at least 1 year, so going to community college was not an option off the bat.  If we HATED being away, or college, we could opt to do something else, but we at least had to try.  If we loved it, but did not maintain a certain GPA, then she would have brought us home to a local college, etc.

    It sounds really mean, but hindsight is that I am really thankful she put this upon her children.  She felt education alone was not incredibly important, but the experience of being on our own/combined with education was worth the ‘fight’.  All three of her children graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree, while away at a University.  We also obtained some pretty huge life experiences, and some of the best friends we have today as well.  Although as an 18-year old, I could have used the ‘I am an adult’ card, and not followed any of her ‘rules’, but I was too damn scared of her to push that button 🙂

    Post # 19
    2113 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    @MrsPaperFlowers:  I won’t force them to go to college, but they’re going to do something. Military, trade school, get certified in some area. Find a real people job. I’m not going to let them sit around like a bump on a log after high school. It doesn’t have to be college, but it’s gotta be something.

    Also, I’m still in school and I wish I hadn’t jumped straight in. If I could do it over, I’d get a bartending license or develope some other marketable skill that would allow me to pay out of pocket for school instead of taking out loans. After 3 years of university costing me more than I’m likely to make afterwards, I’ve switched to part-time at the community college level to finish my core without the loans. I’ll go back to my school to finish my degree once I’ve saved enough to pay it myself.

    Fiance got a 3/4 scholarship. Tuition and housing were paid for, he received a stipend for books and other necessities. Graduated with an engineering degree and after sending out tons of applications, got a job stocking shelves at Walmart. There’s no guarantee of a career with a degree anymore, so I’d want my kid to have a skillset to fall back on and use as experience. 

    Post # 21
    727 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    View original reply
    @almostmrsj:  +1

    I will not force them to attend university or college, but I will certainly strongly encourage them to pursue some sort of post-secondary education as it’s getting incredibly difficult to find decent paying and secure work without this.  It seems like many positions that previously did not require a university degree now do, regardless of the type of work you would perform.  So by not getting any post-secondary education, you’re severely limiting your options.

    Post # 22
    2664 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

    @MrsPaperFlowers:  I don’t know if I’d force them. I’d strongly encourage it, but I can’t say I’d force it. Then again, I don’t have kids, so my mind might change. I don’t see what good will come from forcing them, though. I went to college on my own, because neither one of my parents did, and I didn’t want to suffer like they do. 

    Post # 23
    3771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    No… there are plenty of jobs that you can get that don’t need a 4 year degree. Will the make lots and lots and lots of money? maybe not. But as long as they’re happy with their career choice I will be happy. I have a cousin that was ‘forced’ into college. He ended up flunking out after racking up student loans… now he’s an aircraft mechanic and loves it. 

    Post # 24
    930 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Force?  No, but I woulod highly encourage it.  If that wasn’t part of his/her plan, I would want to help them figure out a good plan.  It would depend a lot on what he/she wanted to do.

    College isn’t for everyone, the system isn’t set up like that.  There are many very successful people who have done well without college. 

    I’ve seen kids bveing forced to college, and they very rarely finish, so it would be a waste of time/money.

    Post # 25
    9680 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @MrsPaperFlowers:  No. You can’t force a grown up to do anything and most kids are around 18 when it is college time. They will end up resenting me and in a career they hate if I “force” them. I will certainly strongly encourage some kind of further education whether it is trades school, college, or university but ultimately it is their choice.

    One incentive I would offer is to pay for any post secondary education they choose to pursue. If they decide not to, they can pay me rent instead.

    Post # 26
    3723 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @MrsPaperFlowers:  “Force” isn’t the right word but I would, like others, strongly encourage them to go to college. In my family, education is highly prized and has been for many generations.

    Post # 27
    2546 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I was raised being told that college was not an option. I did what I was supposed to do and ended up getting a BA, $30,000 dollars and 5-6 years later I’m still doubting that decision. I make nearly just as much as my non-college grad brother than works handy-man odd jobs except I have $30,000 in debt to pay back. It all depends on the field they want to go into- I got my degree in Religious Studies so it was pretty useless. I do think though that my parents focusing me on college throughout middle & highschool really gave me something to strive & work for. I’d want to instill that same drive in my child(ren) but I have no idea how to do that without pressuring college…. 

    Post # 28
    10635 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    View original reply
    @MrsNewDay:  A college diploma is required for most trades here.  At least to be properly certified.  Is that not true in the US?

    If I had kids, I would strongly encourage them to have some type of formal post-secondary education that would be useful.  For example, I wouldn’t be happy if they decided to major in dance, I would rather see them do something like kinesiology or teaching if they wanted a dance related job.

    Post # 29
    3942 posts
    Honey bee

    Absolutely not.

    College is not for everyone and not necessary for every field. I WILL encourage them to pursue their career goals, whether it’s a trade school, college, apprentice, etc.

    I wasnt forced to go. But I never thought about NOT going. It was just the “normal” thing to do in my circle.


    Post # 30
    6737 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I’m not going to force or suggest my kids do anything. I want them to follow their dreams and be happy, something I never got the chance to do. I would probably encourage them to go away for college, if they were to go to college because I feel like college is more about a time to find yourself, be on your own without too many consequences, make lifelong friends, etc. It’s like a better version of HS. I never got that experience and I REALLY feel like I missed out. I wish I had at least gone away for law school, but I didn’t do that either. The only thing I would “force” on them is to NOT take any loans out for anything. If they can’t afford it, they probably shouldn’t do it. 

    Post # 31
    1019 posts
    Bumble bee

    If I have children, I certainly won’t force them to go to university right out of high school. However, I would encourage my child to obtain higher education, and try to foot the bill for it if I could.

    I certainly wouldn’t force them to move away, though. Then again, I went away for school, and I ended up failing out and wasting otherwise perfectly good academic year, so I do have a bit of a bias against the school of thought that mainly labels college as a life experience.

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