(Closed) Will you force your child(ren)to college?

posted 7 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Will you force them?

    Yes (why)

    No (why)

    My having gone to college sways this

    My having gone to college does not sway this

    Other (comment!)

    My having NOT gone to college sways this

    My having NOT gone to college does not sway this

  • Post # 47
    Member
    1856 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    My kids will go to university, end of story. We’re both in academia so it’s not even a question in our household. Education gives you something that is all yours and no one can take it away from you. We very much value education for its own sake and not only for its potential to increase your human capital.

    Post # 48
    Member
    756 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Yeah in our house it will be non-negotiable. We are both academics, so there is virtually no way our child will not want to go to college and will most certainly be doing it. We also plan to make sure that we save enough money to be able to pay for them to attend the four-year college of their choice. 

    If they tell me they want to be an actor/welder/electrician/whatever I will just remind them that college is not about getting a job its about becoming an educated person and having new experiences. 

    Post # 49
    Member
    8028 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    chasesgirl  This exactly.

    Post # 50
    Member
    4369 posts
    Honey bee

    I answered yes, but I wouldn’t say “force” because typical college students are legally adults and you can’t force another adult to do anything. But I grew up with the assumption that you go to college, and ,if I had children, they would grow up with the assumption that after high school, you go to college. I would never present it as a choice.

    Post # 51
    Member
    10355 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I have multiple college degrees, as my husband, but we do not believe college is the only path. My brother did not go to college, and is a self-made and incredibly successful graphic designer. My uncle didn’t go to college and is a VP at a large telecommunications company making bank. My other uncle didn’t go to college and is a successful installation artist. My dad didn’t finish college, and he was a high up manager at international aerospace companies in his career.

    Post # 52
    Member
    904 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I will strongly encourage that they finish high school and pursue some sort of secondary degree, but I will not force them to go to a four-year college, and I won’t force them to do anything immediately after graduating from high school.  

    I think there are way too many kids who have no idea what they want to do heading to college right out of high school.  They either pick a major right off the bat that they don’t actually want, or they don’t pick one at all and spend years bobbing around the intro courses, looking for inspiration.  Meanwhile they’re most likely racking up all sorts of student loan debt, maybe getting bad grades because they don’t care about the subject material, and the whole experience can be really detrimental to their confidence/ambitions/transcript/debt load.  

    I’m lucky.  I got my degree, in my desired field, after 4 years, having started right out of high school, and it’ll only take me 10 more years to pay off my student loan debt (making the minimum payments).  BUT EVEN I HAD MY DOUBTS.  I almost ran home crying during my junior year.  And the major I graduated with isn’t the one I started off with; I started with biochemistry because my dad said I should.  Took me a couple of semesters to realize that was NOT what I wanted, and I felt horribly guilty switching to zoology because I felt like I was letting him down.  

    My Fiance is 27 and has been trying to get his 4-year degree off-and-on since he was 18.  He should have started off at trade school or a technical college, but was thrown at a prestigious 4-year university in an intense program.  It’s a REALLY long story but he’s finishing up online and should have a BS by next June.  His brother had issues, too – ended up taking a year off to “find himself” when he realized he had no real passion for his major but had gotten too far to give it up and switch to something else.  Doesn’t help that any time we saw any of FI’s family members, they’d always ask “so when are you graduating?”  Lots of pressure.  I’m trying to keep that in the back of my mind for when we have kids; pressure is NOT GOOD.

    Post # 53
    Member
    2552 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    hey, 27 people that voted yes: you can’t force an 18 year old to do anything.

    Post # 54
    Member
    2552 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Going to college is not the natural continuation of high school and it shouldn’t be presented as such. 

    I make six times what my husband makes. He has two degrees, I have zero.

    Post # 55
    Member
    1309 posts
    Bumble bee

    College (or rather, university in Canada – “college” refers to community colleges and vocational schools here) was always a natural next step in my family after high school.  I’m the 3rd generation to be university-educated.  So I was really forced, but there wasn’t a choice, either.  It’s probably how I will be raising my kids.

    Post # 56
    Member
    1097 posts
    Bumble bee

    I voted yes, I’d force them but “force” is a strong word.  My daughter is actually a senior in high school right now so we’re doing the whole college application process in the next few months.  We’ve never really had a conversation about her not going to college maybe because I have a JD and her father had an MBA so it was kind of a given that she’d go.  However, she wants to go into a conservatory-style acting/theater program and I’ve said that I will only pay for it if it’s in conjunction with a 4 year degree to give her something to fall back on if she doesn’t win the lottery and become a star (or at least, a working actor).  She fully agrees with me.  I also couldn’t begrudge her aspirations because I was a theater/dance major when I first started college.  Follow your dreams baby! 🙂

    Post # 57
    Member
    3088 posts
    Sugar bee

    Not force them to go to College BUT they need to be doing SOMETHING/have a plan! If it’s not college, it’s a trade and it will involve education.  But yeah, College would be STRONGLY encourage.  Even if you don’t use the degree, I think the discipline and fortitude to go through with a degree is gratifying in itself.

    Post # 58
    Member
    2552 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    View original reply
    @lotto:  

    View original reply
    @kittyface:  

     

    are you guys aware that when you turn 18 you can move away from your parents’ and do whatever you want!?

    Post # 60
    Member
    3771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    View original reply
    @bebero:  I agree with what you said to those posters… I mean that’s ridiculous.. are you going to disown your children because they choose to go to a trade school or decide to enlist in the military???? I’m glad my parents allowed me to choose what to do with my life and don’t judge someone off of something as silly as choosing a career that doesn’t need a traditional college education.

    Post # 61
    Member
    5279 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I don’t want to have kids, but while you can’t force someone to do something, college would be pretty much a non-negotiable in my book. So while not “forced” it would be VERY strongly expected. 

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