(Closed) Will you proofread this, please?

posted 4 years ago in DIY
Post # 3
Member
2810 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

looks good to me!

Post # 5
Member
9188 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

“Presents” shouldn’t be capitalized since it follows a semicolon. Looks good besides that. 

Post # 6
Member
9188 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Oops double post. My computer apparently feels very strongly about the misplaced capital letter. 

Post # 7
Member
2612 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

Looks good. Though I’ll admit I had to read it twice to understand what you were trying to convey. However, I might just be a bit slow today. 🙂

 

Post # 9
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

I don’t really care for this specific couplet; it seems like you tried very hard to get it to rhyme vs the flow:

“However, if we are honored with a gift from you,
kindly understand all that we’ve come to aquire too.”

Maybe something like this:

“However, if we are honored with a gift,
which would give our hearts and spirits a lift.”

I don’t know if you’re counting syllables per line or anything, but it flows a bit better. I noticed you didn’t have a specific rhyming pattern so it should work. But other than that, it’s great! 

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