(Closed) Will you remain childless if you can't conceive naturally?

posted 7 years ago in TTC
  • poll: Will you remain childless if you can't conceive naturally?

    Yes, we will stay just the two of us.

    No, we will try some low-tech, non-invasive measures to get PG.

    No, we will try whatever it takes to get PG, including IVF.

    No, we will look into adoption.

  • Post # 62
    Member
    644 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    @nyckitten  Either way – I work in the health care field and I’ve seen enough IVF examples to form my own opinion and know that I want to stay away from that option 100%.   

    Post # 63
    Member
    1019 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    View original reply
    @souza_2005  I have heard that “older” adoption candidates (older as in not old at all – late 30’s thru early to mid 40’s) have been disallowed to adopt or asked to adopt an older child due to their age (add 2-5 years for the adoption process) and that they may pass away /burden their youngish children with frail parents or other such bullshit. Just so you’re aware. 

     

    Post # 64
    Member
    2949 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    The Fiance and I have actually discussed this prior to getting engaged. We decided that if we are unable to conceive naturally and fertility treatments/surrogacy and adoption are not feasible, we would happily remain childless. Neither of us want the quest for a child to become a major driving force in our relationship. That being said, I suppose it helps that I am nonchalant about becoming a mother.

    Post # 65
    Member
    2116 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    turnanewleaf

    I never knew that. My sister who was trying to adopt wants a baby. Shes 33. Not to much time left.  She was also trying to have another baby. But it just wasnt happening. She got restless and moved out of state. i think they are going to take a break and settle in before getting into the process there. 

    I dont think i would adopt unless -now untill then i develop a hard case of baby fever. I would still live a happy life with out a child. though i would be disapointed if i couldnt have one of my own. I dont think that i would have a problem with adopting an older child. I guess if im already older. i would have to see how i felt then.


    Post # 66
    Member
    1009 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    View original reply
    @mousepeach  That depends on the clinic.  I’m in NYC, where everything is more expensive, and the clinics I’ve gone to have had self-pay discounts for those that are not insured.  Something like $10k.  Of course that doesn’t cover the meds, which can be $3-6k.  And while most insurance plans don’t cover IVF, some DO.  Like mine.  So for me, my IVF is SOOOO much cheaper than adoption.  Regarding foster care adoption, yes, its “free” in the financial sense, but at this point in time, I simply cannot fathom the emotional toll.  The goal of foster care is to reunite biological families.  So you could foster a child for years and be the only real parent that child has known, and have the child ripped away from you to return to their bio family.  I cannot imagine the pain.  The only option to avoid that is to adopt a child for whom the parental rights have already been terminated.  But that means adopting a child that is significantly older, usually with significant attachment/abandonment issues due to their years of abuse and neglect.  I think the people who adopt those kids are angels on Earth, but I think it’s a bit much to suggest that those with fertility issues should bare the societal burden and adopt those kids.  As someone with no experience with either parenting or with special needs kids, I feel that placing such a child in our home at this time would not be in the child’s best interest.  I do know someone who did that, but she has a social work background and is familiar with many of the issues and how to handle them.  We’re simply not.

    View original reply
    @mousepeach  Amen!  Thank you.

     

    View original reply
    @mousepeach  As always, I agree with you 100%

     

    View original reply
    @mousepeach  Isn’t it possible that perhaps some of us who have done IVF also work in the healthcare field and/or have personal experience with IVF babies?  If IVF isn’t for you, more power to you.  It’s a very personal decision.  But there’s no need to judge or scare people who decide to use it.

    Post # 67
    Member
    1469 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I dont like the idea of IVF, its sooo unnatural, just doesnt sit well with me. if its not meant to be there must be a reason.  We have talked about  it and if for some reason it would not work out we would be happy forever just the 2 of us with a bunch of furbabies!!

     

    Post # 68
    Member
    2807 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    my Fiance was adopted, so we will definitely adopt if we for some reason can’t have children naturally.

    Post # 69
    Member
    3120 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I feel like it’s so much easier said than done.  The fact is I’m not in the position right now, but I feel like we would do some low-grade attempts and then make some choices.  I don’t feel like I could do IVF because of the cost and I am more about listening to my body.  HOWEVER, I don’t know that I would feel that way if I were faced with it.  

    I do think we’d look into adoption, but at the same time I could be content with it being just us.

    Post # 70
    Member
    278 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Children aren’t even on our radar right now, but it’s something we’ve talked about to make sure we’re on the same page.

    If we couldn’t get pregnant the old fashioned way, or even if I was having miscarriges, then we’d stop trying. We’d go to a doctor to find out why (in the case of miscarriges as that could point to something more serious). We would not go through “artificial means” such as fertility treatments or implantations because of cost and by that point it wasn’t meant to be.

    I am completely open to adoption and DH’s company offers adoption assitance. DH says he wouldn’t mind adopting but prefers something that made from us.

    I admit that once we start TTC (IF we ever do) that my tone may change.

    Post # 71
    Member
    709 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    PLEASE don’t flame me for this…. But I never really felt the NEED to be a mother. Even from a young age. My mother didn’t seem to like us too much and I was worried I would be like her. I’m pregnant with my third baby and I sincerely love all of my children with everything I have. But if I hadn’t ever been able to have children, I would have been ok with that. Honestly, I thought I would remain childless and foster older kids that aren’t necessarily “wanted”. That’s still the plan in a few years, just means we’ll have to get a bigger house 😉

     

    Post # 72
    Member
    3376 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    Not having children is not an option for us.  If we couldn’t conceive on our own, we’d try lower-tech interventions (medications, hormones), but probably not IVF.  If that didn’t work, we would adopt.  We want so badly to be parents, and there are so many children out there who need a family.  I would consider adopting even if we can conceive.  I don’t feel like I’d have to give birth to a child to be its mother.

    Post # 73
    Member
    644 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    @HopefulForLittleOne  You need to go back and read what I initially replied with.

    This is what you said:

    “If IVF isn’t for you, more power to you.  It’s a very personal decision.  But there’s no need to judge or scare people who decide to use it.”

    Here is what I said in response to the OP:

    “We would adopt – which we may end up having to do.  My apologies if I worry or offend anyone but I think the risks of IVF (to both the mother and baby) are too great for me to be comfortable with.  We’ll either remain childless or adopt.

    My second post in this thread was in response for someone mentioning that if IVF is done correctly it has little risks (fair enough) but it doesn’t really deter my opinion on the matter so I responded with this:

    “Either way – I work in the health care field and I’ve seen enough IVF examples to form my own opinion and know that I want to stay away from that option 100%.”

     

    This is not me being a judgemental b*tch – it’s me stating why I hold the opinion that I do.   It’s not me assuming that everyone that does IVF is ill-informed and simple.
    In what way am I judging or trying to scare people?  Because I held an opinion???   An honest opinion?   Just because you disagree with me does not mean I’m being a judge or intentionally scaring people.   There is absolutely nothing wrong with what I’ve posted.  You said it yourself – if it isn’t for me then more power to me and it’s a very personal decision.   So….I’m confused why you even felt the need to respond to what I said.   Either you understand or you don’t.

     

     

    Post # 74
    Member
    314 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I definitely want children. I actually want to try to have one naturally or with minimally invasive procedures (I’d consider 1-2 rounds of IVF but no more), and I want to adopt or foster a second child. I couldn’t imagine not having a child at all. I work with children, and I’ve had custody of my cousin’s son for a while now (it’s the main reason I’ve been MIA from this site for a year). I just really want kids.

    Post # 75
    Member
    3314 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    My problem is that I GET pregnant, I just can’t manage to carry to term yet.  So we’ve decided that IUI and IVF really don’t offer us any guarantees that the baby will stick (nothing does ofc).  SO when I’ve come to the point where I can’t take anymore losses, then we will see if we can afford to adopt.

    Post # 76
    Member
    1877 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @poetryreader80  I would just adopt .  It’s such a blessing for everyone involved. I plan to adopt even if I can conceive.  My ideal would be to have one or two and adopt one or two.

    The topic ‘Will you remain childless if you can't conceive naturally?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors