Will you tell your child that they can choose their gender?

posted 6 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
Member
755 posts
Busy bee

I won’t tell my daughter she can’t play with trucks, but I’m not going to tell her she can be a boy if she wants…because wearing blue and playing with trucks doesn’t make someone a boy. I never understood how we’re supposed to phase out gender roles while defining gender and pronouns based on roles. In my opinion gender has everything to do with biological sex. A woman who cuts her hair short and breadwins for her family doesn’t become a man merely because her role and appearance may be traditionally masculine. 

Post # 32
Member
1435 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

youngbrokebride :  Yes, I know a lot of transgenders. I sell transwear to transmales. I personally don’t think a walk is indicative of anything and unless a CAT scan says there’s a male brain in a female’s skull, I can’t really say what kind of brain anyone has. 

I can’t feel what a transgender goes through any more than I feel they can know what I go through as a woman or as a black person. I think if we didn’t know there was another gender, we wouldn’t even think that we weren’t whatever we are. Like animals, we’d just live as we are no matter how unique that existence is from others.

What’s funny to me is that I watch the Bold and the beautiful. They had a transgender woman on there. The part is played by a cis woman. After they had this GRIPPING storyline about her, they give her a baby that her sister birthed for her, right? Guess what they did the moment the baby was born?

Named it Lizzy and put it in a pink dress. The child had little girl stuff everywhere. I was like, “Okay…didn’t we just have a storyline where Maron felt she was a girl but her parents gave her boy clothes, etc all her life and she was miserable?” She became her true self, Maya, but she then makes her child into a “girl” without even so much as a thought about it? Hey, but that’s TV.

Oh, and the doctor is the one who said Lizzy was a girl because of the parts Lizzy came with. Just to clarify.

Post # 33
Member
6035 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

It never occurred to me not to use the pronouns that corresponded to my child’s genitalia at birth. My assumption was that the child would let me know if he/she was uncomfortable with that. If sexual identity is an issue for a child, they will let a parent know, but if it isn’t, then why force their awareness of the issue before they care or are ready? 

Post # 34
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!

rheedic :  I’ve thought about doing neutral names, but I don’t like many of them (at least for females), and more importantly, (and this is anecdotal), a lot of trans people I know end up choosing a different name anyway. There’s something empowering for a lot of people to decide on their new identity. So why stick to a name they might not keep anyway?

Post # 35
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

honeybee1999 :  i agree a walk isn’t indicative of a trans person – just thought it was interesting that her parents picked up on feminine traits long before she identified as a woman.   If we knew exactly what caused transgenderism then there wouldn’t be a debate about it.  To me, the facts point to a biological component, but that is debatable and there is no scientific proof, but until proved otherwise that is what i would base my decisions on.

Post # 36
Member
1435 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

youngbrokebride :  It’s true that the research is debatable. The hard part about it is, each side has their own “facts.” I just wonder what “female” traits are. I know there are things humans have categorized as female and male, but are they really? Who decides what’s female or male?

Another thing I wonder is why everyone says we should love ourselves and accept ourselves as we are and what we’re given. But when it comes to gender, we do the TOTAL opposite and say it’s okay to change what you have to suit your mind.

I said before that I’m black. What if I feel white inside? Can I bleach my skin and try to pass? People would shame me, think I was crazy, and run me out of town like they did that one woman who was white and tried to be black. Right?

I do believe that too much hormones in the food have altered peoples gender inclinations. I deduced that when I watched a youtube video of a transmale who was on T and said it made him feel emotionally distant. He didn’t feel like himself anymore and he couldn’t feel emotionally like he did when he was producing his own estrogen. People told him that he was “colder,” becoming an A-hole, and well, being a “guy,” if I can characterize it.

The thing is, “she” thought she was a guy before the testosterone. She’d changed her pronoun to “he” and was making herself look like a “he.” But once on the T, he began to wonder if “he”really was a guy. He can’t get his voice back. He can’t make the hair stop growing on his face and chest. So now he is in an in-between state.

So I think that they put a lot of estrogen in our food, don’t they? if the testosterone did that to the transmale, it’s not a stretch that males getting too much estrogen as young children might “feel” like females. I have not researched this at all. So it’s just my unlicensed opinion.

Post # 37
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

honeybee1999 :  See I don’t think race and gender are in the same boat.  IMO gender is a lot more influential than biological race.  There are made up cultural sterotypes about the genders such as girls liking pink, but there are so many differences that cannot be explained by culture.  Womens sensitivity, male aggression, women being more frequent communicators etc.   I believe that men and women are fundamentally different, regardless of the way we are raised.  

 

I think your theory about food would be one possibility, but it couldn’t be the entire answer.  There has been documented history of transgender people in many major cultures, for a very long time, way before we were eating Groomsmen food. 

I kind of agree about the whole loving yourself for who you are – but that’s not the society we are in.  IMO if a girl is allowed to go get fake breasts, then why not a consenting adult male?  If you wanted to bleach your skin, no one would stop you.  Some may judge, but then some definitely judge when a transgender person physically transitions.  And regret can happen with any stage of life or any life decision. 

But I definitely see both sides of the argument.

Post # 38
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

Do you mean “choose” to dress and appear as whatever gender they want? I don’t think I’ll have to explicitly say anything, kids are pretty vocal about what they want.

Some parents don’t believe their kids get a say in something like that, but it was definitely a prominent part of my identity to look like a cool skinny-jeans-wearing beatnik when I was 3, so.

Post # 39
Member
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

anonbee123123 :  my nephew was in 1st grade and came back the following year to see that one of his classmates turned into a girl. This confused the entire classroom and lots of children didn’t know how to process what has happened. I would accept my child but I would wait for them to be an appropriate age to really decide before going full force. 

Post # 40
Member
589 posts
Busy bee

That family probably waited for an appropriate age too. They decided that was it. In my province the teachers have resources readily available to aid them in handling situations such as that. In my experience, kids process stuff like that in minutes. It’s the adults in their lives who complicate things.

VintageGirl1020 :  

Post # 41
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

VintageGirl1020 :  But what’s an appropriate age? I think if a child starts saying they are the opposite of the gender they were assigned at, say, 6 and is steadfast in saying that, 8 would arguably be overdue to start dressing in the manner they prefer and using those pronouns.

And it might be uncomfortable for others, but I don’t think that outweighs the comfort of the child in question. Personally, I would explain to my child who found themself in school with a newly feminine classmate that sometimes we think someone is a boy, but then we realize we were wrong and they’re actually a girl.

Post # 42
Member
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

narolepsy :  some children were traumatized other children confused. Some parents were outranged because kids came home crying from school not understanding what was going on. They also allow this boy to use the girls rest room and the girls don’t feel comfortable they have no idea what’s going on. I feel for both sides hence I said it’s probably best to wait till they are older when people are more mature and accepting. A few classmates ended up seeing a child psychiatrist , I guess I wouldn’t want to chance my child being bullied as well. Kids can be really mean nowadays 

Post # 43
Member
589 posts
Busy bee

Kids are amazingly more tolerant and accepting than you give them credit for. Those kids are a product of their intolerant community. Parents being outraged is proof of that.

Every child, no matter what their sexual orientation or gender identity is, deserves to feel normal and accepted at school. It sounds like their school has a lot of work to do in getting there. 

“Not right to traumatize other children” are you kidding me? You think the well being of one child (already part of a shockingly highly marginalized group) is worth sacrificing for the sake of making sure none of the other kids get confused?

The confused kids aren’t at an exponentially greater risk of suicide like the lgbtq2+ community is. They aren’t traumatized. They’re just sheltered.

VintageGirl1020 :  

Post # 44
Member
1435 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

I have to vehemently disagree about race. It is not merely cultural.  It’s also about where you were raised and who raised you. For example, my fiance is black. He was raised by white people. He has no “cultural” attitudes or traits. but then again, many black people I know do not. It’s just something society put on us, much like society puts it on gender.

Being black and female, I can say they are similar. It’s not easy when people try to “make you be black” when you just want to be a human that happens to be black. Another example I can cite is being black, versus African or African American. Being black but being European. Being black but being mixed with several other races as a result of migration, slavery, etc. We are shaped by our social environment and we do not want to be shoved into some cultural stigma.

I don’t believe the traits you mention about women are all inclusive to every woman and there are many women who have these so-called male traits. And they very much identify as women.  women act differently from “culture” to “culture.”  Some cultures have aggressive women and some men back down and avoid conflict at all costs. In some “cultures,” women are hunters. I just think society could better serve itself by ending all the categorizing.

Nothing is stopping a man from getting breasts if he wants. People will judge, just the same as with skin bleaching. I just cited that with the woman who tried to pass for black. She got judged very harshly, but she was just trying “pass,” something transgenders say, stereotypically, is important to them.

Of course regret can happen to anyone, but transgenders need to be aware of it before they do it because you can’t get certain things back. From my understanding, there are factions within the community that shun you if you bring up any doubts, which isn’t right. I think they need to educate each other and help make sure the person is making the right choice to help minimize the regret.

Some transgenders want to have babies. Why? because they think that’s what makes them a woman. But I’m a woman and I haven’t had a baby. And women who cannot conceive are still women. So why are there now uterus transplants? I think it’s because it is something they think will validate their womanhood. I’m a woman if I have no breast at all. So why are fake breasts needed to be a trans woman? Some men are Eunichs, but even without the organ, they are men. When your bones are dug up in hundreds of years, DNA will tell the future humans what you were.

I don’t know about any transgenders throughout history and what their specific circumstances might or might not be. I can’t speak on that topic without proper research and perspective. I don’t even know what the etymology of the term is. If other terms were used in the past, do they truly represent what we know the term to be today? I mean, people said Pluto was a planet — until they decided it wasn’t, so…

With all that said, Transgenders should be free to be what they need to be, just like any other human. Thanks for the talk, but I’ll probably have nothing further to add.

Post # 45
Member
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

daisy123 :  like I said I would be supportive of my child , the story I shared has nothing to do with me. So don’t make me feel like the bad guy here. I shared a story based on school that’s in Connecticut a pretty ritzy area and kids are probably sheltered so yes I agree with you there. 

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