(Closed) Will you/Did you pay for your child's wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: Choose all that apply

    I plan on helping pay for daughter's wedding

    I already helped pay for daughter's wedding

    I will not help pay for daughter's wedding

    I plan on helping pay for son's wedding

    I already helped pay for my son's wedding

    I will not help pay for son's wedding

    My parents helped pay for my wedding

    Husband/wife parents helped pay for wedding

    My parents did not help pay

  • Post # 17
    Member
    2977 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I would absolutely like to help with future child’s wedding(s). My parents paid for pretty much everything- venue, food, flowers, dress, cake, etc.  DH’s parents paid for rehersal dinner and open bar. I got some snarky remarks from some other ppl (not on here, IRL) about how my parents paid for everything, yadda yadda, but it was within their means, I had a *small* wedding/reception, and they wanted to. I’d like to be able to do the same for my kids someday.

    Post # 18
    Member
    1019 posts
    Bumble bee

    I would not pay for a theoretical child’s wedding, regardless of their gender. This is mainly because it kind of reinforces the idea that getting married is an expectation, as well as that implying that you “need” a wedding to get married. I believe that marriage is a choice that isn’t right for everyone.

    However, if said theoretical child wanted a wedding I wouldn’t be opposed to contributing some money toward their ceremony or reception. I also wouldn’t force my expectations on what their wedding should be like…things change; besides, one of my favorite things about weddings is that every tradition is a choice.

    Post # 19
    Member
    1812 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

    View original reply
    @Flanders:  Interesting! I see you are from South Africa. In the US  the groom’s family is expected (from what I’ve heard) to pay for the rehearsal and groom tux, and the bride’s family pays for everything else. I never thought that sounded fair. What if one family has 3 daughters and the other has sons? What if the family with sons makes a lot more money that the family with girls?

    My family and his family each contributed about 20%, with my husband and I responsible for the other 60%. No one hit hardship, no family got peeved at the other, generally very fair. I plan to offer our future kids a few thousand to do with what they wish. That could pay for a whole very small wedding, or be a stepping stone for some nice features of a big wedding that they make up the difference for – their choice. My only fine print is that their dad and I are invited!

    Post # 20
    Member
    1892 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    View original reply
    @newlynesting:  We plan to do the same. We’ll save $X for each child and gift it to them when they need it for college/house downpayment/wedding, depending on their priorities and needs. I paid for all three of those without the help of my parents (who couldn’t afford to help in any way), so I like the idea of letting them choose what they’ll spend our gift money on. 

    Post # 21
    Member
    1721 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    Yes. My parents paid for ours and FI’s helped with alcohol, rehearsal dinner, and honeymoon, which we are all so thankful for.

    My parents gave us X ammount of money, and we got to delegate how it was spent. Anything over, we got to keep and use for a down payment on a house. 

    We plan on doing the same for each of the children we have.

    Post # 22
    Member
    845 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    View original reply
    @aggie2010:  We don’t have rehearsal dinners around here and I know that bar tabs can become super expensive so depending on circumstance it isn’t the worst deal. But I get you, and I agree completely.

    I also think that youngsters need to keep their expectations in check, so I think your offer of a few grand toward whatever is fair. Looking at the situation with my step sister – I actually cringe. She is the result of making a huge wedding accessible but now she is totally taking advantage.

     

    Post # 23
    Member
    8682 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I will pay for their wedding if I have children. My parents are paying for the majority of ours so it seems fair.

    Post # 24
    Member
    4045 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I imagine we will help out a bit if we are in a good position financially.

    My parents are paying for most of the wedding mainly because we would have chosen to have a tiny one otherwise and they want to be able to invite more family. My FI’s parents are not contributing, but they are flying from England to attend, which is more than enough! They will also give us a large sum in a year or so to contribute to a downpayment on a house.

    Because we’ve been fortunate to have help, we will do the same to some degree.

    Post # 25
    Member
    2965 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    My mom helped us pay for a little of our wedding (10%). We paid for the rest ourselves. Our wedding cost about 7K. We plan on giving our kids a set amount, 5K each. We have 2 girls and a boy.

    Post # 26
    Member
    4950 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    My parents are paying for my wedding, and I plan on returning the favor for my own kids, based on what I can afford at that time. Though I will try my hardest to keep it fair and even. 

    Post # 27
    Member
    8035 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @legenwaitforitdary:  Don’t have a kid yet, but if we have the money and they wanted a nice wedding, I don’t see why not.

    However… the first priority will be saving for their education. If I had to pick between paying for their education or wedding, education would win every time.

    My mom paid for most of my schooling, and as a result, I didn’t start my adult life in much debt. My SO is older and we could afford a pretty nice wedding, but it isn’t a priority for us. I would never ask my mom to pay any part of a wedding at my age (28, SO is 42).

    Post # 28
    Member
    13722 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    Our parents co-hosted and split the costs 50:50. 

    If I am in the position to help, then I would do the same, equally for a boy or a girl.  The days when only boys parents had to pay for an education and a wife is dependent on her husband  from that day forward are long gone. For that matter, so are the days when children got married while they were still being supported by parents.

    So while it’s theoretically the responsibility of the couple,   I would still help, host or co- host, not out of obligation, but because I would want to. .  If the other side was not willing or able to contribute, we’d take that into account and plan the affair we, that is the couple and ourselves could afford.  If I were in a great financial situation, I’d be willing to  pay for the whole thing. 

    Post # 29
    Member
    3551 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    My parents are paying for the venue which includes food and open bar, and my mother wants to buy my wedding dress. Fiance and I are paying for everything else ourselves, his parents have not offered help of any kind.

    Post # 30
    Member
    367 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    My parents paid for their own wedding and so will my fiancé & I. My parents, as their parents did for their wedding, will make a small contribution (such as buying the flowers or the cake) but otherwise we will pay for what we want ourselves. I will do the same with my children.

    Post # 31
    Member
    224 posts
    Helper bee

    We are paying for our own wedding, and we will expect our children to do the same. 

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