(Closed) Wish FH's family was a little more interested in our wedding..

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would like to give you some perspective your inlaws many not be into planning your wedding right now but it could be worst my Fiance parents died in a car accident while on vacation. They were inseparable and did everything together and on top of that he is a only child. I mentioned that because you are blessed you may not see it right now but you are. I lost my mother when I was 7 years old and I have decided to something special for him because he does not have any parents. Count your blessing my dear you will realize that you are BLESSED.

Post # 4
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Well it’s always a fine line between “We care about the wedding” and “We think we can decide how this wedding is going to go.”  It might just be that they see the wedding as something that you two are in charge of and they won’t interfere.  It still probably seems far out to them, so maybe they will show a little more enthusiuam when it gets closer?  

Post # 5
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Maybe once you start planning things they will become more excited.As long as you and your honey are excited,nothing else matters.

Post # 7
Member
1856 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Yeah, I feel you. In a lot of ways, it’s good because we don’t really want to deal with everyone else’s opinions… But my fiance’s mother never said congratulations, and I see her at least twice a week (she cares for my daughter after daycare) and she hasn’t said one word, ever, about the wedding to me. Never. I know she knows we’re getting married, and I know she plans on coming because she told my fiance that she was, but she’s never breathed a word to me which can be a little hurtful, especially since my own family is so far away. It definitely feels sad, even though you know that your wedding isn’t as exciting for people other than you and your fiance.

Post # 8
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@mrsvelezzz:  

Consider yourself lucky and then go back and read some of the horror stories on this forum from brides who have the in-laws from hell who try to butt into their wedding planning like a runaway train. Mine don’t even approve of the wedding and they haven’t said a peep and I am MORE than thankful for that.

Post # 9
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I just realized a few days ago that my Future Sister-In-Law hasn’t even spoken to me since I’ve been engaged. Her big move was adding me on facebook, nothing more. That, combined with her obsession with my FI’s ex-wife (even though my Fiance swears the two of them didn’t even get alone when he was married) is pretty upsetting for me. I want Fiance to be closer to his family, whom his ex-wife kind of distanced him from while they were married (for nine years), but it’s hard when I feel like his family (or at least his sister) aren’t very excited about me. And his mom lives with his sister and her husband, so I want to reach out to her a bit, but I feel somewhat confused by the situation.

So I feel for you. It’s hard when you want some involvement but you can’t get it.

Post # 11
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@mrsvelezzz:  my FI’s family are the same. they don’t talk about it, care about, they change the subject, dont acknowledge save the dates all because fmil doesnt believe in marriage, yet she has been married twice. she makes rude comments like bet you wish no one comes to save you money, which of course wouldnt save anything as it will be paid for by then. it is hurtful…

Post # 12
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mrsvelezzz:  Weddings tend to bring out the worst in people.  The bride and groom included.  Just adjust your expectations of your ILs.  You can’t go into the planning process expecting everyone to be over the moon excited for you.  I found that out myself – I would call my sister (who was also my MOH) to go over every little detail, every decision I made.  After a while I realized she wasn’t terribly interested (she also had a 2 year old and a baby on the way so she was wrapped up in what she had going on in her life).  So, I didn’t get upset, I understood, I adjusted my expectations, and phoned her less/shared less details. 

Bottom line, don’t get yourself all worked up over this.  The wedding and the planning process is most important to the bride and groom.  Sometimes you have parents/in-laws that are OVERLY involved and want to hijack the process.  Then you have other people who are plain old not interested.  Few people are lucky to have folks somewhere in the middle of that spectrum.  Very few people! 

Continue on, let it go, and enjoy the planning for YOU and your soon to be husband.

Post # 13
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@mrsvelezzz:  Wait…they haven’t even said congrats?  I’m sorry…that would hurt.

 My in laws weren’t really involved either, which was annoying at times and great at others, but they were very happy for us.  If your in laws haven’t even acknowledged that you are, in fact, getting married, that’s different IMO than them just not caring about details about a wedding…that’s them being…odd about at least verbally acknowledging the marriage of their son and that, is messed up.

Is your Fiance not close with them?  

Post # 15
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I love my Future in laws. Future Sister-In-Law is harder to like. When I met my fiance’s college friends for the first time [they all live out of state], Future Sister-In-Law asked one of the girls, right in front of me, at the party “So do you talk to Crystal much?” Crystal is his ex. I just felt really uncomfortable and felt it was rude.

 

As for his family being excited…they were excited for us when he proposed. When we went to visit them the week after the engagement happened [they live in CO, we live in OK], his mom started talking about how lovely a beach wedding would be. I told her that it would be very pretty, but that it would be hard and expensive for extended family to come to Florida. Most of my family lives in Kansas and I played around with Expedia and it would be close to $400 a person for a plane ticket. Same from Colorado. He has a very small family…think 10 family members that will attend that will either drive or fly to OK for the wedding. The plane tickets from Denver to OKC can be found from $60 each way, and then my family could drive from Wichita to OKC. I think she wanted her son to have a beach wedding and since we are not, she hasn’t shown much interest otherwise.

They are visiting next weekend and we are doing the food tasting with them to try to incorporate them in the festivities. We will see how that goes!

 

 

Post # 16
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@mrsvelezzz:  That is really REALLY hurtful.  Does your Fiance care?  If he does, it would be interesting if he said something to his parents.  Does he not talk about it at all?  

I mean, how hard is it to say “congrats”?  

You’re not over-reacting.  That just honestly blows.

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