- 8 years ago
I keep having intrusive thoughts about the past. Almost 2 years ago , SO’s ex texted him (2 months after they broke up) saying her father was dying. SO decided he was going to be there for her because his father died right after a breakup and his ex wasn’t there for him. It wreaked havoc on my mental state and self esteem. His ex was throwing herself at him because she wasn’t over him and loved the attention. It felt like he prioritized her feelings because he knew I didn’t like him supporting her but did it anyway. He finally cut her out completely last december after getting her to give back the gun he had given her as a gift when they were together.
We talked last night because we’re both having intrusive thoughts about things we can’t control (his is work related). He told me he didn’t realize just how much it upset me that he was there for her and that looking back, he could have handled it differently. He apologized for creating the situation and putting me through it. I told him what I’ve been dying to say forever – that I think about it on car rides and when I go to sleep at night. That I rehash all the arguments we had and think of what I could have said differently. That I picture them together. How do I stop thinking about this and just enjoy the here and now? I know this is my issue, not his. Do we go to couples counseling? I tried individual counseling.
Edit: I don’t want to break up. The rest of our relationship is great, and he’s so patient with my crazy. He’s my world and we’re getting married in a couple years.