Post # 1
Need some etiquette advice ladies.. Fiance and I mailed out our Save the Dates and we included kids (well, we addressed the families as “Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Family”).
I wasn’t thinking clearly, it’s a night wedding and we want all of our guests to let loose and have fun – kids are an added responsibility and I feel that those parents will leave early. Now, to the tricky part. Is there a nice, inoffensive, way to say “no kids, please” when I already addressed the entire family?
We hate having to do this because we love kids, but our guest list is well maxed out and there are about 25 kids in those families (our guest list should be no larger than 150 attending)
Post # 3
@alheur: when you mail the actual invites just address to Mr and Mrs Smith
Post # 4
@alheur: I think you need to call them ASAP. If I received a STD for “and family” we would all be excitedly making our plans. Waiting until the invites are sent and glossing over it by leaving off the “and family” will just cause confusion and inconvenience for you and your guests.
Post # 5
i really doubt you can do this w/o offending someone unfortunately.
Post # 6
If you’ve included your wedding website on the Save-The-Date Cards, you can include that it’s an adult reception.
Post # 7
When you mail the invitations you could include a handwritten note explaining that you have had to downsize the wedding and are no longer able to accomodate children.
Post # 8
@julies1949: I think this is the best advice if you’re dead set against kids. Honestly though, you’ll likely be thought of poorly if you un-invite the kids. Save the date to whole family = invite to whole family.
Post # 9
I thought the whole idea behind Save-The-Date Cards was so that people could make travel arrangements. For an August wedding, wouldn’t invitations go out around Junish? So if the OP says nothing until she sends her invites, that’s 6 months that people are going to be planning for their whole family to come, and then 2 months to try to rearrange it all. And I’ve only ever visited one couple’s wedding website, because they sent it with the invitations and that’s how we RSVP’d. I don’t think you can count on the wedding website to get the word out that kids are not allowed after the STD was addressed to the whole family. I really think this needs phone calls (or personal emails) right away.
Post # 10
@Daisy_Mae: @futuremrsfitz18: @julies1949: @li612: @Daisy_Mae: @mstellah:
literally just recently sent out the Save-The-Date Cards, so I’ve had a few days to sit on it and now kicking myself.
Oh well, they’re all wonderful and we love them dearly (very close/big family). Now onto thinking about kid centers and activities.. Thanks for all of the advice! I sure do need assistance with (almost) everything etiquette
Post # 11
When you send the actual invites, make it really clear by saying something like “we have reserved 2 seats in your honor” or whatever.
Post # 12
@alheur: I don’t think you can do this politely.
Post # 13
Hire a sitter! The last wedding I attended had a few professional sitters on-site complete with kids activities… the parents RAVED about this! Everyone had a great time & seemed much less stressed throughout the evening.
Post # 14
@julies1949: +1. This is the only thing that you can do.
**** situation, sadly. You may offend some people, but it is important to do this ASAP, so that people don’t book hotel rooms for the kids etc etc. This is why I’m not addresssing anything to “Mr and Mrs Jones and Family”, even though I’m inviting children. People have different ideas about what “and Family” actually means….
Look at it this way though: everyone makes mistakes. It’ll be fine in the end.
Post # 15
@soontobesaieed: This is what I plan to do ! I will have a lot of out of town guests (more than 50%) and I think it’s unreasonable to invite people ESPECIALLY out of town and expect them to be able to find their own sitters in a different country/city. I also dont want kids running around getting into trouble.
Instead, I am hiring a few sitters and having a “kids party” in a nearby but DIFFERENT location 😉 the plan so far is video game stations, an animated movie, kid friendly food, and some activities. Think kids birthday party and elaborate. This will alleviate stress for parents, give them no excuse to leave early, give THEM a night off from the kids and as far as I know, is not in any way rude! And I dont think it has to be expensive.
Post # 16
Great idea! The reception space has a perfect room off to the side set up with a large tv and multiple couches/seating areas. This would be perfect 🙂 Thanks!