- 6 years ago
I’m waiting for probably a few more months, but in a little less than a month my boyfriend and I are going to the east coast with my dad to visit my grandparents (and aunt and uncle and cousins). I really really really wish I would be engaged by then to share the joy with my paternal grandparents who I know won’t be able to make it to my wedding whenever it is in the future. I’m sad because I’m almost positive it won’t happen, and this might be my last visit with my grandmother.
My boyfriend has met them once before, and somehow even though my grandma has pretty bad alzheimers, she sort of remembers him. She always asks if I’m still with the ‘boy with the great curly hair.’ She apparently loves and remembers his hair, which is a big deal! It’s very special to me that she even knows I have a boyfriend, when she cant remember that I graduated college 7 years ago, or what city I live in… and he is really sweet with her, which makes me love him even more!
Growing up I’d always imagined both sets of grandparents at my future wedding, probably like most girls. I’m the eldest in my generation on both sides, so when my grandparents have said I want to see my grandchildren get married and have babies, it was always assumed they’d live at least to see mine. I’ve been spoiled by them, but also pressured by them all along to ‘get things going’ before they pass away, haha. However, my mother’s parents have both passed away before I got engaged/married/had kids. My dad’s parents are still alive, but live far away, and my grandmother is pretty sick, and her alzheimers is really bad. There is no way now realistically that they’d make it to a California wedding, which is where I live, where both of our parents live and most of our family (IE we are DEFINITELY 100% only having a CA wedding no matter what). And I don’t make it out to New York that often. I honestly don’t know if this is the last time I may see my grandmother. She could live a lot longer, or not, and we just really don’t know how long we have with her, but no matter what she isn’t getting on a plane, and there is no chance of my grandfather getting on a plane without her.
I thought I was getting engaged last weekend, and I started to realize how special it would be for my boyfriend and I to be in New York with her afterwards, talking about our engagement and wedding and letting her feel some of the joy. It felt perfect in my mind! Of course, I didn’t get engaged, and now the chances of me getting engaged in the next month are like 20% — if that, so I’m realizing it’s not going to happen that way, and I’m bummed. And I’m trying to keep quiet and take the pressure off my boyfriend, so I’m not even telling him about this wish/hope.
Just feeling kinda sad, and had to share.