(Closed) Wish I had eloped

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yes!  And what stinks is that you can’t get your deposits back!  Hang in there…just try to remember what’s important.  In 10 days you will be married to the love of your life:-)

Post # 4
Member
4419 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@FemmeBoheme:  What if you went to the court house and got married before the wedding just the two of you, then go thru with the wedding you have planned? No one would really have to know except a few people like the officiant, because he wouldn’t have to sign your license after the wedding for your family.

I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. It’s sad when your wedding doesn’t feel like it’s your own, and the fact that both of you feel that way only makes it doubly sad.

Post # 6
Member
4419 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

We were faced with the same thing when we decided we wanted to elope. I’ve been married before, so I didn’t think it would be a big deal to my family and Darling Husband only has his brother and sister left, so we knew they wouldn’t mind.  Boy was I wrong about my family, more specifically, my mom. 

She told me she was sad and disappointed that we were going so far away for the wedding, because they couldn’t afford to go. Then she told me everyone was hurt by our decision and that everyone had a right to be hurt by our decision and that no one understood why I needed a wedding gown for strangers.

Feeling guilty, I talked to Darling Husband about it, and we decided we’d pay for Mom and Dad to go to the wedding. Well, when I offered, she said she and dad wouldn’t go if the kids (my niece age 12 and nephew age 9) couldn’t go. Well, we weren’t going to pay for my mom, dad, brother, SIL and niece and nephew to go, because we couldn’t afford to pay for everyone. So I let it drop, but I was really hurt.

I talked to my brother and SIL and at first my brother tried to convince me to have our wedding here and then honeymoon in Savannah… But he soon changed his mind when I explained how important it was to us. That this was the wedding Darling Husband and I wanted. That I had been married twice before, but Darling Husband had never been married and that he deserved a wedding that would make him happy. When I explained that, my brother was on board with us and told me not to give into mom’s guilt trip, that we would regret it if we did.  My SIL agreed, because she gave into the pressure of family and didn’t get the wedding she really wanted, and still regrets it after 16 years of marriage.

Reading your post made me glad we didn’t give in and eloped the way we planned. But I know what it feels like to have family make you feel like you have to do this or that or you’ll disappoint them. I’m so sorry that you’re feeling this way.

I’m sure your wedding will be beautiful and you and your fiance will be very happy. Maybe you’ll look back on your day and be happy that changed your plans and had a ceremony with family and friends around you. You might wonder why you ever considered doing it any other way.  I hope that’s what happens, that your day is so wonderful that you only look back with happiness.

 

Post # 7
Bee
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Al Cielo / La Laguna

@FemmeBoheme: First: *big huge hug!*  Second, don’t underestimate the joy you will feel the day of. There is just something about marrying someone you love that makes everything just go away. I think a hurricane could have hit the day of our wedding and I still would have been the happiest person alive.

Post # 8
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Hello FemmeBohemme,

I posted something simila just a bit ago, and I can definitely relate.  Yes, I have had those feelings.  (And, as my other post suggests, sometimes I still have these feelings).

Your post, however, made me realize something:  I am so glad I did get the chance to have a big wedding rather than elope. The most important thing was that my husband and I were married, and it was truly special moment.  However, it was the grandness of the ceremony that made it special.   I will never forget the reader’s reading.  He crafted it especially for us, and it was the most beautiful and inspirational piece in the world.  I will never forget the best man’s tears when my husband and I exchanged vows or dancing with my husband and father at the reception.  I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to see these things if I had eloped, and I really don’t think a vow renewal ceremony cwould have had the same emotional meaning.

My one sadness comes from not having a private, romantic moment with my husband when we exchanged vows and wearing a simple, tea-length wedding dress. But, I CAN do that with a vow renewal ceremony :).

You’re getting married in a few days, and it will be spectacular.  So many people go through this, you are not alone!   And, in a few days,  you’ll be glowing because you’re married to the love of your life!

Post # 9
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I hope you’re not still regretting not eloping, and enjoyed the ceremony.  I’m going through a similar issue right now, and would love to know how things went 🙂

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