Post # 1
I have a serious question for you today about one of my bridesmaids. She’s also a bride, and I will be a bridesmaid at her July wedding (mine is in December). It all seemed great at first: we have been friends since high school and we were excited to plan together. Or at least, I was excited. But as time went by, things have gotten really weird. She’s gotten super-critical of every choice I’ve made for my wedding, evne going to far as to criticize my sit-down dinner (she’s doing cake and punch) because “it’s wasteful when there are so any people starving in the world”. She wanted to wear the dress that I got her to wear as my bridesmaid for her rehearsal dinner. I never even said no; I just asked her not to post pictures on Facebook because we have a lot of mutual friends and guests. But she got angry and refused to ever talk about it again. She’s been constantly criticizing my fiance even though she barely knows him. And now, as her other bridesmaids and I are planning her shower, she keeps insisting on having it at the same place where mine’s supposed to be, even though I think it’s weird to have them both there. Honestly, I’ve gotten so fed up with the rude e-mails she’s been sending me that I don’t even want her in my wedding anymore, and I don’t want to be in hers. But I haven’t said anything because her wedding’s so close and I don’t want to ruin this time for her. I don’t really think there’s anything I can do since it’s so late in the game. I guess I just needed to vent after the 22 (yes, 22) text messages I just got.
Edit: Oops, I posted this twice! Sorry! Is there any way to delete this message?
Post # 3
She’s probably just jealous. Maybe her budget doesn’t allow her to have a sit down dinner or buy a new dress for the rehearsal dinner (not that ANY of that is your problem). Maybe it explains her behavior.
Post # 4
It sounds like a classic case of jealousy. From the things you said it sounds like her budget might be smaller (no dinner and wanting to wear her bridesmaid dress at rehearsal) than yours. She is being passive aggressive in comparing your two weddings, especially considering that there is such an overlap of guests.
If you say anything to her about your feelings her reaction is going to be to terminate the relationship. Forget not being her bridesmaid you are looking at the end of your relationship.
Keep in mind that people handle stress differently. There could be a lot going on behind the scenes and she is taking it out on you. You are not in an enviable position. The only thing you can control is how you react. Stop talking to her about your wedding and plans. Let the next couple months be about her wedding. From August to December can be your time.
Post # 5
what’s wrong with her wearing the dress she got to wear for your wedding for her rehearsal dinner? (I think that’s what you said.) Unless she’s prone to spilling…we all joke about how you can wear the dresses again!
to me, just that one detail at least sounds like you could let it go.
and, if it’s true that her budget only allows for her to have a cake and punch reception, whether you know that for a fact or not, then I think that you could definitely be a more sensitive friend and not talk about your wedding plans around her. It obviously doesn’t make her feel good about her own wedding.
Post # 6
I haven’t talked about my wedding at all to her since December because I know it sets her off. And I’ve done everything she’s asked me to for her wedding. I didn’t tell her she couldn’t wear the dress. I just asked for her to wait to post pictures on Facebook until after my wedding so that our mutual friends and guests wouldn’t see it until my wedding.
Post # 7
I’m a little late on reading this..
I know exactly how you feel.. I’m going through something similar. Passive aggressive comments at first, talking behind my back (which I found out about), and now ignoring me here and there. There’s been odd conversations about the cost of things.. How much did I “pay” for that, or “where” did I get that.. but never followed by a positive response to at least hide her jealousy (I guess).. just followed by an “oh” and awkward silence. I even sense anger at times.. but YOU asked me, and i’m just telling you!! lol I’m genuinely happy for her. I’ve known her for a long time & wish her nothing but happiness.. sincere happiness. It’s just annoying that at a way older age in life, some still find the need to compare themselves. To use YOUR life, accomplishments, and life events (your wedding) as their “measuring cup.” Its plain stupid… stick it through as I am.. after all, immitation is a an odd form of flattery..
congratulations!! enjoy your planning & special day!
Post # 8
@kahn-dees: I’ve gone through something similar, myself. My FCIL, who was supposed to be a bridesmaid kept constantly putting down my wedding choices. I’ve since ceased wedding discussion with her, and am nearing the point of kicking her out. I told her where my venue was and she said, “Oh, isn’t that going to be like, at least, $30 per person?” Then her eyes got big and she did this little expression that means, “How are you going to afford that?” How I’m going to afford it is, I gave myself plenty of time to save for my wedding. That is how. She only gave herself four months, when she was already struggling with bills to begin with. So, she sort of expects me to have a wedding similar to hers. But, I just didn’t wanna settle on my big day!
Post # 9
its like…. weird right?? like, how do you even respond to it. Its awkward, and I can’t think of any other way of naming that “emotion” that she is feeling other than plain old jealousy… If you are going to get upset, or what ever it is you’re feeling.. DONT ASK!!
do YOU girl!! 😉
Post # 10
I don’t think that you should not be able to talk about your wedding around her! I think that just because she has insecurities doesn’t mean that you should have to walk on eggshells. I completely understand why you wouldn’t want her to wear the dress before your wedding… One of my bridesmaids wants to wear the shoes I got her for my wedding out and of course I said NO. I think that you should either change the subject around her when it comes to weddings or just tell her you don’t want to talk about it. I wouldn’t take these things to heart. I would keep her in the wedding and vice versa because after this is all over things will probably go back to normal 🙂 Good Luck!
Post # 11
@AmberRae: I can see what you’re saying.. weddings bring out all kinds of weird emotions in women. I also hope all things settle after the big day. Good luck to all brides!! 🙂