(Closed) Wishing well

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
4240 posts
Honey bee

There is nothing worse than a badly written poem asking for money, IMO. 

You’re 41 years old- if you don’t want a registry, don’t have one. They’ll figure it out. 

Post # 3
Member
63 posts
Worker bee

I went to a wedding this summer. They where in the same position. They did have a registry with only a few very expensive items but their main thing was if you wanted to give donate to “specific charity”in their name. The charity is very close to them do it was also very meaningful to them.  I don’t believe they got anything of the registry, I don’t think they expected to either.Good luck. 

Post # 4
Member
63 posts
Worker bee

Almost forgot. I have seen couples have donations to their honeymoons online as well. If you have a goal for your well it might go over better.  Like a home improvement, trip, pay off student loans. You can tell you out a lot if time into your “well” and cards. Congrats on the wedding!

Post # 5
Member
6411 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
chuckandsuziesmom:  I always feel like it’s a bad idea to just ask for money, even if that’s all you really need.  If someone asks what you want than it’s different, but just straight up asking for money even in a wedding setting just seems inappropriate. I would just not have a registry and go from there.

Post # 6
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Winery

I wouldn’t have a wishing well. You don’t have to register (or you could only do a small registry). If you do choose to do the wishing well, I definitely wouldn’t include a poem. I saw that at a wedding I went to earlier this year and it made the whole “asking for money” thing look worse. It might just be better to have your preference for cash gifts made known through word-of-mouth.

Post # 8
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We asked for a contribution to our new bathroom as a wedding gift, because we really didn’t need any ”gifts” either. I don’t think it’s a problem, but I do think it’s better to ask for money towards .. something.. anything, rather than just ”money” on it’s own.

Post # 9
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

My cousin had a wishing well, she put a small poem on a different card in the invites. It was something like: ‘we have been living in sin for many years, collecting toasters, bins and brooms, our greatest wish if for time together’ It was pretty cute. I can’t remember it exactly but they wanted money for the honeymoon and everyone was pretty happy to give it, especially because they knew what it was for

Post # 10
Member
9162 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
chuckandsuziesmom:  If they are straight up asking you what you want then it is perfectly acceptable to say “well we aren’t having a registry since our household is already established but we are saving for (home, honeymoon, roof repair) and would be grateful for contributions towards that. 

Please don’t use a cringe worthy poem solicating money in your invites. Someone straight up asking you in conversation is very different to you putting a poem in everyones invite, especially if they haven’t inquired about gifts. That is just persumptious.

Post # 11
Member
13519 posts
Honey Beekeeper

“They gave money and gifts to my sister at her wedding, and are determined to treat me the same.”

So what’s your problem? If you must, have others  spread the word to those who ask by  saying that you have everything you need but know you are saving for X.  People can and will figure it out on their own. 

Whatever you do, don’t beg for money. 

Post # 12
Member
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

How big is the wedding? If it’s only family I’m assuming less than 50 maybe? If so word of mouth might suffice if you genuinely don’t want gifts. You could tell a couple of family members you’d like some money towards your honeymoon and I’m sure they’d spread it around 🙂 

Or you could do an online ‘honeyfund’ so everyone could easily transfer the money and definitely know what it was going towards? 

Post # 13
Member
9082 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
chuckandsuziesmom:  “does anyone like this?” — No. Not at all. It’s terrible. Asking for money is always bad, but the poem is cringe-inducing horrible and makes it so much worse. Any time you feel the need to sugarcoat something with a “cute” poem, that’s your gut telling you it’s a bad idea. Listen to your gut.

Post # 14
Member
2428 posts
Buzzing bee

I am OLD. I am a bullheaded purist about etiquette.

You are NOT ASKING for money. You are saying “I don’t want ANYTHING but you are threatening to buy me tchotchkis that I neither need nor want.”

To prevent the tshotchkis, you are saying “Send us a gift of money instead, if you must”.  I repeat, this is DIFFERENT from saying “Send money”.

Go for it. Do the poem, in your situation it carries a bit of naive charm.

Have a wonderful, beautiful, joyful wedding!

Post # 15
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
ann.reid.9277:  A forty-something asking for money is not naive and definitely not charming.

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