(Closed) Wishing well/ monetry contributions

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2224 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

You can register for just a few items and that should send the message. You really can’t ask for money. Just register for stuff you can put to use- extra linens, decorative pieces, etc.

Post # 5
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t know about New Zealand, but in Australia wishing wells are all the rage right now. The last 3 – 4 weddings I’ve been to have asked for cash or vouchers. I think it’s totally fine, and personally would rather give the couple money instead of buying them useless things they don’t want/need.

In my culture, people usually gift money. My FI’s family is fine with gifts of cash. And many of our friends asked for cash gifts as well, so we know nobody will have an issue! All of the venues we’ve looked at even have their own selection of wishing wells you can use, it’s become that commonplace!

In invites I’ve received recently, they ask for it with little poems such as below :

If you were thinking of giving a gift to help us on our way.
A gift of cash towards our house, would really make our day.
However, if you prefer a gift, feel free to surprise us in your own special way

OR

If finding a gift is hard to do,
Perhaps our wishing well is for you.
A gift of money is placed in the well.
Then make a wish… but do not tell.
If, however, a gift you’d prefer to find.
Be assured we will not mind.

Post # 6
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

 Hello @MsChandler, welcome to the board.

I would avoid using a we-want-money rhyme. They rarely scan, often do not actually rhyme, and are lacking in any artistic merit that would render them elegant. If you are in a culture where asking for money really is acceptable, then it ought to be acceptable to ask in plain honest language without dressing it up. I suspect the plain truth is, that asking straight-out for other people’s money makes you sound like a bludger.

Your most gracious course of action, is to tell your guests conversationally — over and over if necessary — exactly what you say in the first four and a half sentence, right up to the words “we really dont want gifts for the wedding.” Then stop. You will look gracious, gratefull, humble and non-mercenary. And all those people who really really do “want to contribute something” will wrack their brains for something that you can use that won’t take up space … and they’ll probably come up with … money! And they’ll have the pleasure of imagining that they thought that up all by themselves.

Trust us: we guests are generally not utterly daft.

 

Post # 8
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Wishing wells are super popular in Australia now (more so than registries) and very few people are offended by them, think them tacky or that the recipients are ‘bludgers’.  NZ is pretty close to Australia culturally – it’s probably the same there too?

 

I am not a fan of the poems that go in the invites, I prefer an insert that says nicely eg.

 

“The greatest present we will receive on our wedding day is the presence of all our loves ones. If however you wish to give a gift and have something in mind we would be honoured to receive it. Due to our home already being established we will also be having a wishing well on the night with any contributions towards (whatever you want to put the wishing well towards eg. honeymoon) gratefully received.  

 

Post # 10
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Just as an aside, although I gave example of poems above, I’m not a fan of them myself! Was just giving ideas and examples of what I had received in the past.

We will not be signing up for a registry though, and apart from a small line on our invites I think the fact that we’re having a wishing well will get out through word of mouth also, as our family and friends are just the type to ask straight out what we want.

Post # 12
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Lollybags:  I think I am going to steal this! Thanks so much… we are also having a wishing well (we’re in Australia) and I hate those stupid poems, lol. 

 

My father and my aunt (who are both in their early 70s and super old-school) think it’s rude, but I’m pretty sure the rest of our guests don’t have an issue with it. 

Post # 13
Member
10370 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Asking for money in any way, shape or poetic form is just  completely  rude and tacky. There is no law saying you have to register.   In fact, traditional etiquette experts still hold that registries  are not much  different than asking for money in and of themselves.    If people ask your maid of honor etc. about wedding gifts just have her  say that  you have all the appliances etc. that you need.  And yes, leave it at that.  

Post # 14
Member
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@MsChandler:  Another Kiwi bride here (well grew up in Auckland, now live in & getting married in Melbourne).  I think you’ll find the attitude toward gift registries & wishing wells is HUGELY different between us and the US.  I was actually shocked to find out that registries are frowned on in the US! lol.  I think if you’re having a gift registry and have a wide range (like, from $20-2000!) of gifts you can easily avoid the sense that you’re telling people how much to spend. With ours any big ticket items can be split into “shares” so if a group of friends want to contribute to the same gift they can, easily.

I kind of wish we could do a wishing well, but my mum’s reaction to hearing that some people do honeymoon registries (absolutely NOT!) leads me to believe that’s not going to work 😛 (although I think I will do a birdcage for cards, mainly because I’ve been eying the most gorgeous $15 cage at our local dollar store type place! lol) 

Overall though, just keep in mind that the culture surrounding registries/wells in NZ & Australia is vastly different to the US.  

Post # 15
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yes and expect this thread to be deleted… Americans HATE wishing well discussions… I was also shocked to learn about that! It’s not like our cultures are poles apart. 

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