- 3 years ago
I’m trying to enjoy Christmas but I’m having a slightly difficult time with it.
The background story: Back in 2013, my then boyfriend’s cousin proposed to his girlfriend on Christmas Eve. At that point they had known each other and been together for exactly 19 months. They planned to get married 5 months later on May 24, which was the 2 year anniversary of they day they met and had their first date.
At that point my then boyfriend and I had been together for 5 times longer than them. We had known each other and been together for 95 months and our 8th anniversary was in a month on January 24. That same day would be the 4th anniversary of us moving in together. His cousin and girlfriend were younger than us. They were 25 and we were 30.
I know each relationship is different and has its own pace but it did sting seeing them engaged when they were younger than us and had not been together as long. As I saw my other friends and family get engaged it did sting a little each time but this one was the worst.
I held out hope for a month after that. My boyfriend always said he wanted marriage, he talked about us being married in the future but he never proposed or took any steps to make it happen. He gushed about his cousin’s proposal and the romance and and the upcoming wedding, and I figured it was the kick in the pants he needed. Our 9th anniversary the following year was on a Saturday and it would have been a perfect day to get married.
Once I realized he wasn’t going to propose I ended things. He said he didn’t understand because he wanted to be married “one day” but that he wasn’t ready and didn’t think there was a need to hurry because we were in love and had all the time in the world. I mean we lived together and he acted as though I was his wife but he wouldn’t make it official or combine our finances (our incomes we equal and we shared all expenses equally), because combining finances was something that married people did according to him.
So I ended it. Our lease was about to be up, so I informed our landlord that I would not be renewing. I paid the rent for the rest of the lease so he couldn’t accuse me of leaving him high and dry, our landlord did a walk-though to ensure there was no damage or anything, and I packed up my clothes and things in my car and left. It was our 8th anniversary (January 24, 2014) the day I left and he still did not see the need for us to rush into marriage.
I went back to my hometown. When I went to college, it was in a city 2.5 hours away from my hometown. I stayed there after I graduated because I had a job offer and that’s where I met my boyfriend. It was his home city and all of his family from both sides lived there. I packed up my car and went back to my home city 2.5 hours away where I grew up and where my whole family lives. I had been at my job for over 8 years but layoffs were coming so I took a small severance because I was planning on moving anyways.
My cousin had just finished grad school and was moving in with her boyfriend and needed someone to take over her lease so she didn’t have to pay a penalty, so I moved in to her apartment. I found a new job and am still working there. I have gone on dates and tried to meet guys but nothing has gotten anywhere serious. I was doing fine and kept thinking I had lots of time, until yesterday.
When I moved I got rid of all social media except a Facebook page for family and close friends (people I actually talk to) only, so it only has a few dozen people. I also got a new phone number because the area code changed and a new email, I wanted to make a fresh start. Yesterday, I saw that an old friend of mine had commented on a post.
The post was from my ex-boyfriend. He was wishing his wife a happy 6 month anniversary and going on about how happy he was to be married to her. In the same post he also announced to everyone she was 12 weeks pregnant with the first children for either them and it was twins and they couldn’t keep the secret just the two of them any longer. So 5 months to the day after I left him, because he wasn’t “ready for marriage”, he met a woman. Two years later he proposed and they got married on their 3rd anniversary.
I had not heard anything from or about him since I left him. It was so jarring to see the Facebook post. I mean, 8 years together and 4 years living together and he was not ready for marriage, but he proposed to her after 2 years? I was the love of his life but 5 months after I left him he had moved on? We were 30, had stable careers and no debt, had been together for 8 years and living together for 4, and he still was not ready. I won’t lie, it hurt when I saw that post and I cried a little
Now I have unfriended the friend who commented and allowed me to see the post (because I only want Facebook for people I talk to and I haven’t actually seen or talked to her in a couple of years) and my ex-boyfriend’s Facebook is private for friends only and I only know his wife’s first name and am not mutual with anyone else on his list, so I can’t internet stalk him and have no desire to. I only check Facebook once a week anyways and only to keep up with family and friends I actually see in real life, so I can’t keep checking up on my boyfriend.
I am trying hard to enjoy the holidays with my family but I won’t lie, seeing that post did hurt. I am turning 35 on January 15 and I am still single and childless with no one in the picture. I know I am being foolish and I should be happy because I have my health, no debt, a great job, a nice apartment and good family and friends, and I wasn’t thinking about being single and childless that much until I saw his post. I can’t believe he moved on so quick and was ready to marry another woman after only 2 years. I know you can’t tell everything from a couple of pictures online but on the photo montage he posted they were both glowing and had light in their eyes.
Sorry this was so long. Thanks for reading. Sorry about any typos, I am not used to touch typing without a physical keyboard and I am not on my usual device. Merry Christmas everyone!