Post # 1
At what point can you reasonably withdraw an invitation to do a reading?
Initial post here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/mini-rant-fsil
Short version: We asked Future Sister-In-Law to do a reading 5 weeks ago. She asked to see the reading before she would respond. I emailed it to her that night. No response after a month. One week ago I sent a follow-up email inquiring if she had decided. No response. Today I sent a follow-up email (forwarded it to a different email account of hers I just got, a work one, but keep in mind she always emailed us from the first account).
I’m pissed now. I genuinely need an answer soon. Yesterday would have been better. If we end up asking someone else to do the reading, the few candidates I’m thinking about weren’t planning to be at the rehearsal and would have to adjust travel schedules (potentially including flights) if they’ve already booked them. I don’t want someone doing a reading who isn’t sure if they want to do it, even if it is his sister. She barely even congratulated us when we got engaged. I also don’t want someone that won’t respond to emails and I’ll have to spend energy hunting down. So I want to un-ask her (this will likely be a battle with Fiance who would be ok waiting until the last minute for everything including this, even the day of the rehearsal, nevermind things like time to make programs or adjust flights).
Post # 3
If she hasn’t responded to you, I would probably assume she isn’t interested in doing a reading. Have you tried calling her just in case your e-mails aren’t getting through to her? Give her a call and ask her if she’s still interested, so you can know for sure.
Post # 4
Have your fi call her directly and say she needs to respond in x time frame or you will have to make otherarrangements. TheN if she doesnt meet that deadline move on.
Post # 5
@SapphireSun: You have it correct, I’d say. Call her directly, ask if she’s gotten your email, and if she hasn’t, wait on the darn phone til she pulls it up, since you need an answer by the end of the evening. Be as pleasant and even-toned as possible — it’s fine if she prefers not to (even if it isn’t fine) — but you need to make other arrangements if she decided she’s not comfortable doing it.
Post # 6
I would assume she isn’t interested. But have you called to confirm? Perhaps she is having email issues or something to that effect.
Post # 7
@kay01: it sounds like email hasn’t been a very effective form of communication between you two. Have you tried calling her or contacting her some other way? Prehaps she didn’t have the program thing in mind.
I would call her, and email her on the same day and leave the same message, something simple, better yet, have Fiance do it.
“Hey sis, Kay01 is going to print the programs this week and we wanted to know if we can put your name down for the reading or if we should ask someone else, we need to know by tomorrow or we will probably ask ______”
then email her the same thing, if you don’t get a responce from either by the next night then ask whomever you want.
Post # 8
To clarify, Fiance asked her over the phone. Future Mother-In-Law has checked in with her several times over the phone (this was in the original post I linked) and asked her about it, but hasn’t gotten a response beyond her not being sure if she’d make it to the rehearsal because her husband might have to work late the night before. (I checked, there are early AM flights that would get her there in time or she could fly up the night before without him.)
Fiance refuses to call her so far or push her. Fiance is very much a procrastinator coupled with being busy at work. I’ve met her 3 times for 3 separate meals over the past 4 years, so I’m not really feeling like a call out of the blue from me is entirely appropriate, nor do I have her phone number. Fiance should do it but….you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink…. Getting him to do wedding related things is a challenge.
ETA: Even if email is not ideal communication (despite her having requested that I email her this information) and she somehow never received any email….wouldn’t you think that after FIVE WEEKS you’d call or email the person yourself to give your answer? Just seems very rude and really really frustrating.
ETA2: I would of course tell her that as we did not hear back from her that she wanted to do it, we’ve decided to ask someone else, I wouldn’t just leave it out there hanging. I thought this was to be considered a honor, but clearly she doesn’t think the same way.