Post # 1
I’ll preface to say: I love b’days – I think they are the most wonderful day to celebrate someone!
I know not everyone has the same passion for b’days as I do – but I think they are a super special day!
That said: I have a good friend who also loves b’days. She loves being celebrated on her actual day vs a day around he b’day.
Her b’day is coming up and I asked her if she’d like me to organize dinner with our group of friends. She said that’d be great … and we planned on taking her out to dinner and her b’day night, but one of the couple’s couldn’t do it on her actual b’day so we are doing it the night before.
Normally – that wouldn’t be a big deal because the guy she’d been dating was going to take her out on her actual b’day (during the day) – which happens to fall on a weekend.
BUT… they just broke up. So, now she has no b’day ‘day’ plans (it’s in 2 weeks). So, I’m feeling like I should do something for her… but am not sure if I should just let it go and have her orchestrate her own b’day ‘day’ plans (and maybe keep it open ‘just in case’ she doesn’t have anything to do that day’…..), since we are already doing the dinner thing the night before.
After one year of not doing what I wanted to do on my b’day – I took charge of it and plan my own… it’s a win-win for everyone, IMO. So, I don’t have that expectation, but I have a feeling she might….
Thoughts? (Am I over thinking this, etc.)???
Post # 3
I haven’t felt obligated to plan anyone of my friends birthdays since I was 25 or so. Most of my friends started to become married at that point or in serious relationships and the SO planned something.
With that said prior to being 25 I would have def made sure that there was something planned or at least asked if something was planned. You could do dinner the night before, but I would check to make sure she has something going on, on her actually birthday otherwise the break up could make the day even more depressing.
Post # 4
@mwitter80: I agree with you on the age thing – we are all in our late 30’s – so we are well past that … I just feel bad because I think the breakup WILL make the day more depressing and she’s an only child who already feels ‘alone’ – if that makes any sense.
Post # 5
We usually just plan our own birthdays now. But if you don’t mind, and know she’d like it if you planned something, then why not?
Post # 6
We actually plan most of our own birthdays – or sometimes SO will plan a surprise party.
Like another post said, if you don’t mind doing it, then why not.
Post # 7
@artbee: & @AnnieAAA: I have the tendency to go way over and above for this friend and it ends up creating a bit of a co-dependent type relationship (where she ends up depending on me and then gets disappointed when I don’t do what she expects) and so I’ve been trying to gauge if I’m starting to fall into that pattern of behavior again.
Coordinating and planning the dinner with our close group of friends was my effort for her b’day. I don’t really want to plan her entire next day… I just feel bad now b/c of the breakup that she’ll be all alone (perhaps) and am fighting the one urge to ‘mother’ her and make it all better…. or just let her figure it out on her own.
…if that makes any sense.