(Closed) Wives of Med Students, Residents, and Doctors!!!

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My Fiance is a resident in internal medicine. I’d say you’re already off to a good start just by being aware of what his time limitations will be. I posted advice somewhere else on here (maybe it was even in response to one of your older threads), but I’d say the best thing to do is to appreciate the time you do have together, get as much of the household chores done on your own, and not hold it against him when he’s busy. Having your own life is really important too, and finding other medical spouses to bond with can help some people (although I find that when I get together with a group of med spouses it sometimes encourages a negative mindset because everyone startes venting and complaining– but it all depends on the people). His schedule will vary A LOT month to month and year to year, so it’s not true that you’ll never have time with him ever. Sometimes there will be months you see very little of him and other time there will be months that he’s working more a 9 to 5 schedule (at least that’s how its been with my FI). happy to answer more specific questions.

Post # 4
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MrsDrRose612: I have no advice, but I think you are already being amazing!  I think you will do just fine, and be a wonderful wife to a doctor.  Just make sure you take care of yourself too! And I think you’ve armed youself very well to attack it.  Good for you, and congrats to you man!  Thats a huge accomplishment for him! And you.  He is a lucky man!

 

Post # 5
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MrsDrRose612: I don’t have much to offer as far as advice since my Fiance is not in the medical profession… BUT- if he chooses to attend MCV I live nearby enough that we could possibly meet IRL and you can get to know the area a little bit & meet people and get plugged into local activities & stuff to stay busy πŸ™‚

@AutumnElegance: I agree with your advice about starting off on the right foot & having realistic expecatations… and this is a little off topic but I love Great Danes!  I have 2 rescue danes & they are wonderful!

Post # 7
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

M3 is going to be the worst year as far as time commitments, but even then, only during certain rotations like OB/GYN, Surgery, and Internal Medicine where they’re expected to pre-round or have early cases.

For M1 and M2, I would suggest helping create a study haven in your new place–a comfortable room or even corner of a room with a good ergonomic chair, bookcase, lamp, etc.  Lots of our students study here on campus before going home (to avoid traffic) so you can plan on using that time to have your own hobbies or cook new recipes.  It’s a bit of a throwback to the traditional gender roles, but I actually find that I enjoy being the one who cooks… it’s relaxing.  Be open to having study sessions at your house and you’ll see him more often.  Get a Keurig if you don’t already have one–it will definitely come in handy.

I agree with PPs–you will make an excellent med student/resident/attending’s wife.  πŸ™‚

Post # 10
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@MrsDrRose612: You won’t be lonely–especially if you let him have study sessions at your place.  Make sure you offer to help him study–that can be fun too, and if you get the Recall series or Cliff Note-like study guides, it’s easy for you to quiz him.  I do that to our students all the time, and give them candy if they get stuff right.  πŸ™‚

Remember too, every year is SO different.  M1 and M2, he’ll be home more than you will be if you’re working a full time job.  Most kids don’t even go to lecture, they just study on their own after they figure out which classes they can get away with.  If you have an opportunity to meet spouses/SOs of his class members, definitely do it as soon as possible, even if you have to host a little dinner party at your place.  No one really understands the life unless you’re in it somehow.

Post # 12
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MrsDrRose612:

I’ll definitely look into those ways to quiz him.  Although instead of candy, maybe I’ll remove clothing for each right answer…there we go, helping him study and keeping our sex-life interesting.  Two birds, one stone πŸ™‚

^^ LOVE this!  Evil genius, you are πŸ™‚ 

Post # 13
Hostess
18641 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

You’ve gotten a lot of great advice on here.  I’m not a medical spouse but my husband has a career on the fast track, causing him to travel a lot and he is considering starting his PhD after he finishes his Masters in the spring.  It really depends on your guy if you can help him study, my husband barely wants me to talk to him when he is working on homework so that he can focus and concentrate.

Also try not to do everything to make it easier on him, you don’t want to take all the burden of doing everything on yourself, it gets tough sometimes.  Good luck wherever you decide to move!

Post # 14
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

There is a spouse group, they even have an event at M1 orientation. I can’t remember their acronym though… I will ask around.

Post # 15
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2010

i’ve been a long time lurker but decided to come out of hiding to respond to this post. Smile first- congrats and welcome to the club! my husband is a 1st year surgery resident so i know exactly how your feeling. med school IS stressful and time consuming. but it does not mean it has to take over your life.

(heck, we planned a 150 person wedding 3rd year, and common wisdom is that 3rd year is the worst stress wise for med students. and my husband was completely involved in the wedding- helping call vendors, make favors, picking songs for the DJ, design invitations… everything!)

that said, it will be a big transition. he will have to study- A LOT. its easy to get resentful but if you keep yourself busy and have hobbies or friends, it makes a big difference. i adopted a cat (lower maintenence than a dog) and its so much nicer to have her when im lonely and hubby’s on call overnight.

you can definitely help him study. i would help with board review questions or read him journal articles if we were going somewhere and he was driving.

but the biggest thing, i think, is to be his escape. we used to have a ten minute rule, where we would come home and each talk about our day for ten minutes (my work vs. his school), and then we would eat dinner together and just focus on us. or the wedding. or family. anything.

the weirdest thing to me happened recently when we went out to eat near the hospital. a nurse was at the bar and came up to my husband and said “hey, doc.” it caught me off guard because i never heard someone call him doctor! if you would see my husband at home, minus the white coat hanging on the wall, you would never know he was a doctor or a surgeon-in-training. and i hope it always feels that way.

sorry that was so long, i wish you the best. it’s a long journey, but absolutely worth it!

Post # 16
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My partner is not a med student or doctor, but he is a nurse (RN, BSN) and is currently in graduate school to be a family nurse practitioner and working full time. I’m also a grad student and this semester sucked. Our schedules were opposite. However, there were lots of good times. I also believe that there are ways to make things work, no matter what. Making our office a haven has helped so much. I do use my lap top in the living room a lot, but having two separate desks and dedicated space is great. I know that helps him a ton.

I’m working on a PhD and realize that everyone has different study (and school) habitss. Note cards make my life work and I suggest them to students. However, they don’t do a ton for my partner. he does appreciate me quizing him on anything I know about. I have learned that asking him to explain stuff (he just took an anatomy course) helps him. So i looked at his schedule and each week in my planner i just wrote down the basic area they were studying. Then at some point, I’d ask him some questions. Part of it helped me learn, but I know it helped him. 

Having food or snacks handy was also good. I know he had a lot of days where he was running out the door. 

I know having a schedule helps me a ton. It sometimes helps my partner. We just made sure that we planned dates with each other. Once a week he would meet me in my office and we’d have an hour or less. We’d have dinner and it was so nice – partly b/c it was my long day and I would otherwise often forget to eat (and I was away from home for anywhere from 9 to 15 hours). It was also nice to talk and be together. I would know every week that was our time. Even when we didn’t see each other a lot, we made small amounts of time – even if it was cuddling for 3 minutes before he lefft for work. 3 minutes of spare time? Let’s make use! We text a ton. Not sure how much phone usage you guys are into, but it really helps us. I know when he is at work he isn’t always checking his phone so often I’ll go several hours without response (and i get a litle busy too), but it is nice. he loves it when I text him pictures of our dog, and tell him silly things. I follow a few silly blogs on Tumblr, and if it’s something he’d like, I text it to him. 

I buy a bunch of cards at a time at Hallmark (both my mom and I are card people) to give him randomly. Just to let him know i care. I tend to do it a lot when he works 3 or 4 days (12 hour shifts) in a row. 

he’s a neat freak so I also really work on keeping the house in order… which is hard for me! I”m not a total slob, but I’m not neat. I’m not dirty (I can’t stand any dirty dishes in teh sink! While I’m cooking, I’m washing as I go!), but there’s stacks of papers. My desk is books and stacks of papers – that’s just me. he hates it, but lets me have my half of the room. 

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