(Closed) Woah. It like, really works!

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 92
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

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@Young.love:  I completely understand where you’re coming from! Like I said before, I think it’s great that he’s willing to help you with something you asked for help with. I didn’t see anything wrong with what he did, because I thought he was being very supportive…and hey, you did get to go out for dinner at the new restaurant.

And I have done what you suggested, said something just to see if I could get a rise out of Jim. He always gives me a look, and I grin and say “just kidding” and we both have a good laugh, because we know it’s in fun.

 

Post # 93
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@Young.love: I’m just going to end it here. You and I could go back and forth all night. You obviously feel that he is helping you and your relationship. I don’t think his way of helping was appropriate.

Wish you the best, goodnight.

Post # 94
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

It’s one thing to say something is inappropriate when someone is looking for advice about something their SO did that upset them. It’s a totally different thing to say something is inappropriate when the person is very happy about what happened.

She asked for help from her SO. They talked about it. They agreed. It’s working for them. It felt good to her, and other people are ragging on her about what he did. It isn’t anyone’s place to say what is appropriate or inappropriate between two people, UNLESS one of those people is being abusive in some way. That isn’t the case here.

Also… Some people have said his saying he was proud of her was like he was talking down to her. I don’t know about anyone else, but one of the nicest things my fiance can say to me is that he’s proud of me.  It feels good to have the person you love say they are proud of you.

And I imagine it felt good to her too…obviously, it did, because she posted her to brag about her success and to get some more encouragement and support about what she’s doing. Instead she got crap about what a terrible thing her SO did to her.

Post # 95
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

I feel silly saying it but I am so proud of you! Flipping out is my knee-jerk reaction too so I know how hard it is to keep calm sometimes.

I don’t think that understanding that he was busy is you not being independant, it’s just you not being a b*tch. But just because PPs have a problem with him ‘testing you’ or whatever they think doesn’t mean you have to as well. Do whatever works for your relationship, obviously you responding saying ‘eff you im going to do my own thing’ has gotten you to the point where you flip out all the time. I find that response childish and your trying to be more patient so you  just relaxing and going with it was the right response. Snaps for you young.love LOL

Post # 96
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@Young.love: I’m glad it worked out for you hon. Clearly, your discussion about what you had been reading helped. I do understand how some could see this as condesending, which I would agree given any other circumstances.

However, if you guys had been talking about it – I could see why he’d want to see it in action. You don’t seem offended, so I won’t be.

If it ever got to a point where you felt looked down on, do what I did and simply calmly state that you feel brought down.

Other than that, congrats on keeping your calm! 😀

I’ve been in your boat. It’s a nice feeling, knowing you can be in control of your own emotions – even when dissapointed or angry.

 

Post # 97
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

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@dreamingofbling: I definitely agree. It’s always the best feeling when you find a medium.

Sometimes, Spenser has to cancel or show up late to an event because of work. I just keep my calm and say ” Alright honey. If you’re okay with it, I’m still gonna go to blah blah. Want to meet me there or shall I see you at home?” Sometimes, I surprise him and stay home so when he shows up we have a meal and some serious cuddles waiting. Our middle ground rocks either way. :p

Post # 98
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

@wgowood: I’m in the same boat too. Because of SOs work he’s kinda all over the place, I used to get cranky if he wasn’t home when he said but I now know some things are out of his control. Now I do what you do, having a happy medium make our relationship alot better!

Post # 99
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

It sounds like you’re trying to be more relaxed for your own sake and not to please your boyfriend. If it works out for the both of you, what’s wrong with that? It’s not like he asked you to read the book and take advice from it–that was your idea. I’m proud of you, too.

Post # 100
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

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@dreamingofbling: Kudos to all us calm women! woot! 😀

Post # 101
Member
223 posts
Helper bee

So many of you are missing the OP’s original point.  She, like me, read WMMB and realized her wrongs in her relationship.  She then discussed this issue with her man, like me.  He, in an effort to show his support, “tested” her.  I firmly believe that he only tested her because she spoke with him about her recent realizations.  This is something my boyfriend would do if he knew I was working on something.  Sometimes, yes, it annoys me, but it can be a way of showing support.  I think for all of you to tell her she’s in an unhealthy relationship and this is a major red flag, is uncalled for.  She was happy and proud of herself.  Based on what she said, I see where you might think that, but if she is happy, so what?  Why do you all feel the need to tell her that her boyfriend is condescending, rude, etc.  Would I have told my BF I was upset, yes.  But I am also known to lash out via text and I might’ve just said yes over text and planned to discuss it with him later.  Either way, she is working on going with the flow, so if she chose to accept the plan change, why is she wrong?  I don’t know… it just seems to me like so many of you jumped on he bandwagon here.

 

Young.Love, you are fine.  Don’t listen to anyone else!

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